How hard is it to view another trans that has great sucess in transitioning

[Gertrude]

In my view it's all about bravery and confidence anyway. Personally, I just find it extremely difficult to find the confidence to try really hard. I am going to therapy now, and trying to get the medical stuff in order, but I've never even attempted to wear girl's cloths, and only tried make-up like twice, with super low quality stuff.

Don't want to put in all of that effort, and fail, as the cliche goes. All of my family knows though, and my Dad is okay with it, when it comes to family acceptance, at least of my parents, I have it better than most, I think, and I'm not even as convincing as most!

I find the confidence, and efforts of everyone here hugely inspiring. I am really socially anxious, and awkward, so that makes it really difficult too, but places like this make me feel normal, and a lot less shame.

I don't take jealousy as a negative thing, unless it makes you a self or other hater, but can be motivating. It's better though, and good to feel solidarity with some really amazing, and beautiful people with regards to a deep personal struggle, to which we all relate. What matters is being happy, and true to yourself. Everyone that does that inspires me, and I think inspires everyone. Heroes of authenticity!

You may find that as you explore and express your femininity, you will gain confidence and in time be more confident and happy than your male self. It takes time, but you'll feel better.


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[stephaniec]

There's not too many trans girls in my neighborhood, but I've decided I'm going to finally get that sexy dress I've wanted like forever and go to my favorite lounge inside the towns movie theater and see how I compare to the other girls there. There is a huge mirror across the wall opposite the bar so I can get a good look at myself. Maybe I can get a free drink too.

[Roni]

I feel torn about whether I am "allowed" to feel dysphoria and jealousy towards other trans girls. I've been told that I am one of the "prettiest" girls in my support group and this makes me feel good but then I go on the internet and see a prettier trans girl or hear their voices I get insanely jealous and feel like crap. So on the one hand I feel like I am just whining relative to my support group but then I compare myself to trans girls on the internet and I feel much different.

Rachel I completely 100% feel the same way you do. I voice out dysphoria issues to friends and family members only to be shunned and told I shouldn't be feeling the way I do, simply because I'm "pretty" and already "passable." This is the reason I am afraid to be a part of the local trans community and haven't gone to any more support group meetings despite constant plans to do so.

I remember staying at a recovery house in Mexico a couple months ago when I was getting a minor surgery done. I had already gotten FFS at this point. There were a few trans girls at this place, as it was a trans community surgery house. One of the women there said that "young, pretty Asian trans girls" like me were a "huge middle finger" to the predominantly white and non-passing trans community in the US. I'm sure she meant it more as a compliment than anything, but it certainly put a sour taste in my mouth as to how I could possibly be viewed and treated if I were to continue attending support groups here in San Diego. I had only gone to a support group once and was the youngest and only non-white person there.

Anyway, how do you find these support groups and have they helped you, despite the status women there have given you?

[Elsa Delyth]

If only there were a 'like' button on this forum..

Edit: Duh, like button under our forum avatars.

Thanks a lot! I don't think that everyone would be as mean as that person was that said that you were a "huge middle finger". Everyone needs community. I haven't really gone to any support groups either, even though I keep planning to, too afraid. I need to do it too.

I didn't reply earlier because I guess I don't take compliments well, but after seeing what you wrote, I don't want you to think I feel negatively towards you or anything. I very much appreciate you liking my post! 

You may find that as you explore and express your femininity, you will gain confidence and in time be more confident and happy than your male self. It takes time, but you'll feel better.


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I really hope so! I'm working on it, just gotta work harder, and not think negatively! Thanks a lot!

[Ashey]

Rachel I completely 100% feel the same way you do. I voice out dysphoria issues to friends and family members only to be shunned and told I shouldn't be feeling the way I do, simply because I'm "pretty" and already "passable." This is the reason I am afraid to be a part of the local trans community and haven't gone to any more support group meetings despite constant plans to do so.

Yeah, this is why I generally feel alienated from the rest of the trans community, even here. I got lucky in almost all aspects of my transition and I feel this cloud of guilt over me for it. And especially with the trans girls that have befriended me as their 'mentor'.. I want to help, but I know some of them won't be as lucky, so I try to caution them that their transition may not go the same way that mine went... :/ Plus, threads like this come up and make me feel worse... I have my problems too, but I feel like they end up not mattering compared to others.

[RachelsMantra]

Anyway, how do you find these support groups and have they helped you, despite the status women there have given you?

I found the support group through a local trans-run organization called Missouri Trans Umbrella Group, which is a great resource for the local St Louis trans community.

Honestly, I'm not sure how the support group has really helped me. I've made a few friends but we're not that close. I don't know what I get out of the meetings. I don't relate to a lot of the girls in the group. In the meetings people are usually talking about things I don't care about. I guess I go because it's only 5 minutes from my house and I have nothing else to do and it is an opportunity to socialize afterwards. I go maybe because I want to be part of the local trans community. But I don't really go there because I need "support" in any way.

[Roni]

Thanks a lot! I don't think that everyone would be as mean as that person was that said that you were a "huge middle finger". Everyone needs community. I haven't really gone to any support groups either, even though I keep planning to, too afraid. I need to do it too.

I didn't reply earlier because I guess I don't take compliments well, but after seeing what you wrote, I don't want you to think I feel negatively towards you or anything. I very much appreciate you liking my post! 

Aww thanks Elsa! Don't worry about it! It didn't bother me at all that you hadn't replied. Plenty of people don't reply to posts, and I don't think my comment warranted a reply anyway. Just wanted to let you know I enjoyed reading your post! Thank you for what you said though and I am certain there are nice trans people all around. Haven't gone to too many trans meetings but I am sure the women at my local support group are just as nice as the women on Susans!

[Roni]

Yeah, this is why I generally feel alienated from the rest of the trans community, even here. I got lucky in almost all aspects of my transition and I feel this cloud of guilt over me for it. And especially with the trans girls that have befriended me as their 'mentor'.. I want to help, but I know some of them won't be as lucky, so I try to caution them that their transition may not go the same way that mine went... :/ Plus, threads like this come up and make me feel worse... I have my problems too, but I feel like they end up not mattering compared to others.

I am certain this thread meant no animosity towards women who are further along in their transition; just an interesting topic started to understand many in the community who are dealing with dysphoria. I think it is crucial to hear from both sides of the community---from girls like you and Rachel who are on the receiving end of "jealousy" (if we can call it that, I really just think it is dysphoria all around that we've all experienced at one point or another), and girls who aren't as far into transition and hearing about how they feel as well.

I'm with you though. You are right in saying that when it comes to transition, each experiences their own journey and it is damaging to expect one will end up exactly as the other has. But I certainly think there is no harm in drawing inspiration from others. You should be so flattered people look up to you as their mentor!

I found the support group through a local trans-run organization called Missouri Trans Umbrella Group, which is a great resource for the local St Louis trans community.

Honestly, I'm not sure how the support group has really helped me. I've made a few friends but we're not that close. I don't know what I get out of the meetings. I don't relate to a lot of the girls in the group. In the meetings people are usually talking about things I don't care about. I guess I go because it's only 5 minutes from my house and I have nothing else to do and it is an opportunity to socialize afterwards. I go maybe because I want to be part of the local trans community. But I don't really go there because I need "support" in any way.

That is partly my dilemma. I don't know how much these meetings will actually help in "supporting" my personal problems other than providing a strong network of people who are similar to me in identity. I guess for many that is more than enough though.

[kittenpower]

Hi Roni,
You are so grounded and down to earth, a genuine sweetheart.

[Roni]

Hi Roni,
You are so grounded and down to earth, a genuine sweetheart.

I appreciate the kind words girl! And hi!

[galaxy]

For me there's only ONE question left:

I was very unhappy with my life as a "man" and i'm very unhappy with my life now, because my body didnt change enough for beeing a lucky women now. I solved some of my old problems and got dozen of new ones. So, in summary it makes no difference what i am and what i do. It all will flow into unhappiness. I never had a chances to get lucky and thats the point of unfairness. I never got these chance.

Most of all my crappy hair is making me sad every day. No matter if your face is a bit nice or not - ->-bleeped-<-ty makes you an ugly person. I tried so much to find a solution, spend really much money and a wig is in my late 30's no way for me. It would be so a big shame ... so, this life is nothing more than hoping of a new better one, when we will shuffle the cards a next time.

[stephaniec]

I'm so sorry Galaxy I truly wish I had the words to help you. My transition is going good even though my time left on the planet won't make up for all the pain I've suffered through out my life for being so wrong. I'm very happy that the dream I had 44 years ago of taking estrogen finally came through, I am pretty pissed at this one psychologist I saw for a long time at a crucial point in my life for not sharing the path of transition with me, but I can't change that so I move forward and dream of my next adventure in a beautiful dress at my favorite bar/movie theater. I just deal with what I got which is a hell of a lot better than I had before transitioning, except the days I had with my beautiful Belgium German Shepard .

[kittenpower]

For me there's only ONE question left:

I was very unhappy with my life as a "man" and i'm very unhappy with my life now, because my body didnt change enough for beeing a lucky women now. I solved some of my old problems and got dozen of new ones. So, in summary it makes no difference what i am and what i do. It all will flow into unhappiness. I never had a chances to get lucky and thats the point of unfairness. I never got these chance.

Most of all my crappy hair is making me sad every day. No matter if your face is a bit nice or not  ->-bleeped-<-ty makes you an ugly person. I tried so much to find a solution, spend really much money and a wig is in my late 30's no way for me. It would be so a big shame set ... so, this life  is nothing more than hoping of a new better one, when we will shuffle the cards a next time.

I think happiness is a state of mind mostly, you will find happy people living in the most dire circumstances, and depressed sad people living in the lap of luxury. There are many things that each of us can be grateful for, but if we only focus on negativity, we are giving into darkness.  HRT = win; living full time as our true selves = win; FFS = win; BA = win;SRS = win; looking towards the future and planning to make positive changes and just enjoying life = win; that's some serious winning IMHO. Best wishes 🎉

[Gertrude]

For me there's only ONE question left:

I was very unhappy with my life as a "man" and i'm very unhappy with my life now, because my body didnt change enough for beeing a lucky women now. I solved some of my old problems and got dozen of new ones. So, in summary it makes no difference what i am and what i do. It all will flow into unhappiness. I never had a chances to get lucky and thats the point of unfairness. I never got these chance.

Most of all my crappy hair is making me sad every day. No matter if your face is a bit nice or not - ->-bleeped-<-ty makes you an ugly person. I tried so much to find a solution, spend really much money and a wig is in my late 30's no way for me. It would be so a big shame ... so, this life is nothing more than hoping of a new better one, when we will shuffle the cards a next time.

There isn't a next time. Happiness comes. From the inside. Find your true self and love that person


Sent from my iPhone, inspected and certified by the NSA

[Gertrude]

For me there's only ONE question left:

I was very unhappy with my life as a "man" and i'm very unhappy with my life now, because my body didnt change enough for beeing a lucky women now. I solved some of my old problems and got dozen of new ones. So, in summary it makes no difference what i am and what i do. It all will flow into unhappiness. I never had a chances to get lucky and thats the point of unfairness. I never got these chance.

Most of all my crappy hair is making me sad every day. No matter if your face is a bit nice or not - ->-bleeped-<-ty makes you an ugly person. I tried so much to find a solution, spend really much money and a wig is in my late 30's no way for me. It would be so a big shame ... so, this life is nothing more than hoping of a new better one, when we will shuffle the cards a next time.

There isn't a next time. Happiness comes from the inside. Find your true self and love that person


Sent from my iPhone, inspected and certified by the NSA

[NataliaDoll]

Yeah, this is why I generally feel alienated from the rest of the trans community, even here. I got lucky in almost all aspects of my transition and I feel this cloud of guilt over me for it. And especially with the trans girls that have befriended me as their 'mentor'.. I want to help, but I know some of them won't be as lucky, so I try to caution them that their transition may not go the same way that mine went... :/ Plus, threads like this come up and make me feel worse... I have my problems too, but I feel like they end up not mattering compared to others.

No reason to feel guilty at all! That's not what it should be about. Anyone that's going through a transition would take any opportunity to get to the next step that's what you should do so we should all be happy for each other. If anything, people can use a lucky transition as inspiration and hope. I think sooner or later everyone will have the resources to transition

[stephaniec]

It's really no big thing when it comes down to it, in transitioning we really just become what are genetics gives the blueprint for. we look how we look according to nature no more no less. You can help it with surgeries  , but its the same whether cis or trans. I mean my ideal person that I wish I could become is Greta Garbo it's just natures expression neither good nor bad just the way it is. I just love being a woman so much.

[April_TO]

I think what everyone should be focusing on is to be the best version of themselves and stop comparing yourself with the progress of one individual. As it is, being trans is quite taxing to our mind and body and the constant comparison will just add more stress to our already stressful lives. As I see it, success is relative and largely depends on how you view your transition progress.


Let's just be kind to ourselves, nurture and respect it.

Edit: I was watching this youtube video and I think it conveys a very strong message of love and acceptance.
I hope you guys watch it:

[Gertrude]

I loved Allyson's video, saw it months ago. Here's a recent video from TEDx with Jenny Boylan.

[galaxy]

There isn't a next time. Happiness comes. From the inside. Find your true self and love that person


Sent from my iPhone, inspected and certified by the NSA

There will be a next time! Dont say sucb things!

HRT=lose. BA=lose. SRS=lose. Where are the wins? Where?