Advice on getting out.

[SilverWing]

Things just keep getting more and more tense in my house. It's bad. Me and my parents are basically at war. The thing is, I can't keep living like this. I am going to move out, even if it means pitching a tent on the side of the mountain in the middle of winter. I just can't deal with this anymore.

Can anybody give me any advice on what I can do? Other than staying with my parents? The thing is, I would be actively transitioning when I moved out, and also I wouldn't have a job at the time.

[purplewuggybird]

Have you checked out any shelters? Do you have a plan? I would defiantly recommend a plan, even if it means waiting a few weeks.

[Dena]

You are still a minor so the state might be willing to care for you. Your other option is if a friend has parent who are willing to take you in. My parents took care of a mans kid when he went to prison(long story). You might see of there is a state agency with social workers that could help you get established. If nothing else, go to the local police station and explain your problem and they will be able to suggest help that's available in the area. Take care because I heard how cold it is there and camping in the cold like that takes special knowledge just to survive.

[Kylo]

Start preparing. Start looking for and applying for jobs and checking out potential places to live. If you have a friend who may temporarily help you out with somewhere to stay, try that avenue (I have done this before, got a job a month later and started paying keep and contributing to the housework until I was able to get my own place). If not start checking out rooms and apartments for rent. You WILL need a job to support yourself unless you have someone who will support you, and it's better to wait until you have one before just walking out. You'd make life very difficult for yourself being basically out on the streets for the sake of getting away from your parents, trust me.

But DO NOT let on to your parents that this is your intention. If you can, be as civil as possible and don't arouse suspicion as you might well get kicked out sooner if they're the type of people to do something like that. Keep your plans to yourself and make the arrangements before you leave.

Being homeless is a very bad situation to be in. It makes life 100 times more difficult, makes finding a job or getting government support practically impossible with no fixed address, nowhere to plug in a mobile or get a shower or sleep properly. People freeze to death on the streets without thinking it is likely to happen to them. Think very carefully about leaving just because you aren't getting along with them. I would only suggest leaving immediately if your life is in actual danger. If so, leave, and look up friends, other family members, shelters, support groups, etc.

[SilverWing]

It's not putting my life in danger, per se, but it certainly is affecting my sanity. When I was in my last place I was already making a bit of progress towards a social transition, but my parents reversed it all when we moved here and made it impossible for me to make any more progress. Since then, some of the worse symptoms of my depression have come back (extreme mood swings, getting withdrawn, etc.).
My parents already know I want to leave though. I told them that since after they told me that their reputation was more important to them than "indulging some stupid thing I picked up off the internet", then their titles of Mom and Dad are revoked and haven't addressed them as such since.
Anyway, it's just a toxic environment.

(Yes, they actually told me, right after I wrote them a letter about how much pain this was causing me, that I let internet forums tell me I'm transgender. And also, according to them, I'm not transgender, never was, am not a girl, and never will be, and if I try to transition I'll regret it later because it's just a phase that the internet started.)

I've got in contact with someone who works for a shelter for homeless youth in Mesa County. She's part of an outreach program to get to people before they end up on the street. She says that there's not much age can really do until I turn 18 though.

[Kylo]

I could write a book on living with people who drove me nuts so I empathize. But I don't think it's wise to leave a place where you have a roof over your head to be in a homeless shelter if it's something you can endure for a little while longer being able to easily use the internet, have your own room/privacy, and other facilities to help get yourself a job. If they already know this is your plan and approve of you leaving, perhaps they will ease off if they realize you're looking to move out and find work. Use the stability of the place while you have it. If you forgo it, I couldn't say being in a homeless shelter would be any kinder to your sanity. It might actually be equally stressful, maybe even more so than just putting up with your parents. Any uprooting and new situation is stressful as is, even if you don't realize it.

I would use their house as a stepping stone, a means to an end if I were you. Use it now while you have it and take steps to become independent.

[SilverWing]

I don't think I can use the house as a stepping stone. I have $135 in the bank almost exactly. I'm not allowed to get a job. They also aren't going to give me my social security card and birth certificate until I move out, and I need at least one of those to get a job.

Anyway, I think they may be about ready to throw me out anyway. Me and my mom basically disowned each other.

[Dena]

You only need to know the full name on the social security card and the number in order to get a job. I hand mine memorized for many years starting in college when it was my student ID number and I never needed to show the card to get a job.

[Laura_7]

Do you have any relatives you could stay with for a while ?
Someone you like?

An Uncle... a niece... whatever...

[stephaniec]

LGBT centers are great places for youth to meet and exchange ideas and get roommates. Job most important . You can go to the social security office and get a replacement card.. If your mail is intercepted , pick it up at the post office . Talk to a social worker for options.

[Laura_7]

If your mail is intercepted , pick it up at the post office .

Its called general delivery. Here is how it works:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poste_restante


hugs

[SilverWing]

I've been making plans and such for a while now, and I just need to keep talking to the people who can help me. But there's one thing that just keeps throwing a wrench in the works.

The thing is, a couple of weeks ago my dad used the $1100 he took out of my account last year to buy me a car. I haven't seen it yet, but from what he tells me it's a 2008 Kia and very serviceable (he works on cars, so I trust him with that). But, the thing is, I don't have the title to this car. Also, I have a beginner's permit (not a licence), and the car has no tag or insurance. I can't decide what to do about this car. On one hand, having it would make life a lot easier. On the other hand, I definitely don't have the money to pay for insurance right now, and I don't even know how much a tag is going to cost. Can anyone give me some advice about this?

[Shandril]

Is there any chance you could convince them to goto a psychiatrist?

Tell them its not just somthing you read on the internet, its not strictly a sexual thing this is your body and you dont like it.

People get the idea its borderline a fetish that people pick up on the internet when it is so much deeper than that.

Play your cards carefully, if you cannot convince them to go to even one session then you may want to consider a family friend or member close to your parents that is a neutral party.

Best of luck but there are many avenues you can consider, like posted above being homeless is a very hard cycle to get out of. Without a mailing address its next to impossible to get a job i onow from experience. You need proper rest, cleanliness etc.. Or youll get sucked into the vortex.

Check out support groups in your area, there may be half way houses of some sort.

Whatever you do please dont just leave without at least making a one year plan.

~Shan~

[Dena]

Tags are pretty cheap as they are based off the age of the vehicle but it varies from state to state. Insurance will be the real killer because you are a teen. It depend on the coverage but insurance could easily exceed the cost of the car for a teen driver for a year.

If you are expected to pay for the upkeep of this car, you are going to need a job. You might be best off to stay with your parents and keep stashing money aside for latter needs.

[SilverWing]

The thing about the car is, it's mine for me to do what I want with. I want the car, I'm not going to lie. But at the moment I can't help but think that the smartest thing to do is to abandon it  . This is what I'm looking at:

I've got a potential offer from a shelter to stay with them. It's a cheap room, $300 a month. Then, HRT is $150 (by my estimate). Cell service (which I'm really going to need) is $35 ($30 with autopay). Then, there's food and stuff to be bought. I've also made a linear regression model showing what I could expect to earn with various hourly wages (working for four 5.5-hour shifts a week, with 20% of my monthly earnings going toward tax). And even with a job like a had before ($9 an hour), I'd need to work five days a week to support insurance on top of that (even just liability insurance).
I've been informed by my school counselor that I may be able to have my school fees and lunch fees waived and also be provided with an unlimited bus pass, good anywhere in the county. Also, she said they may be able to help me get Medicaid or EBT since I'd be living on my own and definitely under the poverty line. But even with this calculated in, I'd have to land a job with like $10+ dollars an hour to afford insurance. (I've looked at quotes but they're all like ~$250 a month.)
But here's the Catch-22: If I have a car, I can work more hours because I can get to places much faster. If I don't, I can still work because I have a bike, but I can't work as many hours.
I'm just like so lost here... I really have no idea what to do about the car.