And the funny thing is, the older I get the less the idea of "conforming" bothers me, because I care less and less what people think and whether or not my life fits into their political or sociological ideals. When I hear trans guys get knocked down for perpetuating stereotypes by doing things like bodybuilding, it just makes me roll my eyes. Heck, maybe they just LIKE bodybuilding. Just because a lot of people do it doesn't make it wrong to do.
Most of my co-workers style clothes online part time and are otherwise Stay At Home Moms (SAHMs they call themselves). Years ago, during my semi-radical feminist days, I would have looked down on these women simply because their interests and values are 1) different from mine and 2) follow a feminine stereotype. But now I realize that these ladies simply enjoy being mothers who stay at home with their children and that there is nothing wrong with that--as long as it is what they WANT and a choice that they made themselves. Feminism and the breaking down of gender roles in general is a great thing, but it shouldn't be taken so far in the opposite direction that people are looked down upon by more "enlightened" folks because they enjoy things that are stereotypical to their gender. So bodybuilding and looking like a muscle man is a male stereotype. So what? The fact is that I find muscular men incredibly hot and that is the ONLY reason I want to look like that. It has nothing to do with wanting to fit into a stereotype and everything to do with wanting to look the way I personally find attractive. If I found lanky, thin guys super attractive then I would probably want to look like that even though it is not the classic stereotype. Same thing for women. If women want to wear makeup and pink sparkly dresses and tiaras, I say "you go, girl." So it's a stereotype. So what? As long as it is their choice and no one is saying to them "well you're a girl, so you need to wear makeup and dresses and love tiaras," then let them dress as they please.
Yeah, I wanna fit a male stereotype, but it's because I like the concept of the stereotypical male, not because I feel like society is shaking its non-coporeal finger at me and telling me I must be that way. I didn't LIKE being a girl, I don't LIKE having feminine traits, and it has nothing to do with not liking women. Women are awesome. I am a huge freaking feminist. But part of being a feminist (and someone who is pro free gender expression) is accepting that if people are allowed to break gender stereotypes, then they should be allowed to conform to them, too, if that is what makes them happy. I first learned this lesson in my Muslim Women's Studies class in college when I became friends with a classmate who wore a hijab (a head covering). Actually, she wore the full outfit, glad in black from head to toe with only her face showing. Before taking that class I had been 100% against women wearing a hijab. But after actually talking to Muslim women I realized that by demanding that they NOT wear a head covering I was taking on the same roll as the men who said they MUST wear it, just from the opposite side of the issue. I wasn't taking into account their feelings or personal beliefs. Instead I had decided that *I* knew what was best for them, and it should be my way or the highway. But after I became friends with Muslim women, I realized that my supposedly feminist stance was actually ANTI-feminist, because I was speaking for those women instead of fighting for them to have a voice and the freedom to make their own decisions. (Their own decision, btw, was to wear a hijab. The women in my classes were not being forced by anyone; it was simply a part of their personal religious beliefs.)
TL;DR Version: Anyway, the point of all that was just to say that I agree that it isn't fair to judge people for being too "stereotypical" male or female. Not everybody WANTS to be a goth guy who wears eyeliner and paints his nails and says "screw you" to gender stereotypes. Some guys want to be big macho jock types and that's okay as long as it is their decision and not pressure they feel from society. And I HATE it when people claim that subconsciously everybody feels pressured to fit the stereotypes as a way to invalidate somebody who wants to bulk up and lift weights or whatever. Um... no... Some people are just jock types. They exist on their own and there's nothing any more wrong with that than with being an artsy type. In fact, lately I've seen jock types FTMs get attacked more on the Net than FTMs with more feminine traits, mostly by the same young people who complain about how AWFUL those girls at their school who like BOYS and ONE DIRECTION and SHOPPING are--don't they know that they should be reading books and playing video games like the magically enlightened people? *chuckles* Ah, the joys of the internet.
