Thinking About Me Giving Birth Is So Disgusting

[Tristyn]

So I thought about posting this topic yesterday while overhearing a Star Trek Next Generation episode where some female character was impregnated by an alien or something crazy like that (although, as a side note, I do believe anything is possible). Even though it wasn't real life and it was dramatized to enhance the effect on the audience, I found myself feeling extremely uncomfortable while listening to the woman's wails during this unplanned conception. It always grosses me out. I never put my name or "I" in the same sentence with "want to get pregnant." I'm sorry for this one, moderators, but hell nah! Ya heard?

Now, I know there are dudes out there who do not mind this nearly as much as I do and would even welcome this. And I respect that, but I ain't down with it. Its like every inner fiber of my being knew from the start that I was not supposed to come out overdosed with estrogen. Even my body is trying to show me. My belief is the reason I have lupus, a self-harming disease where my own cells attack me, is because even my body rejects the curse of biological femininity that I never asked for. None of us guys ever ask for that.

I think this is a topic that needs to be discussed more often among the Transgender Community. So what do all ya'll gotta say in regards to this?

[jlaframboise]

Well pregnancy is weird. But if I had a girlfriend or wife that wanted to get pregnant, it would be pretty amazing. I mean that aspect of bringing life into the world is so weird and gross that it IS interesting. I would never, ever, want to be pregnant myself, but I would never put it with something totally repulsive. I was always really uncomfortable with periods because they meant I had the ability to have a child?

[Tristyn]

but I would never put it with something totally repulsive.

I coulda sworn I said the actual thought of me giving birth is disgusting. I didn't ever say that child bearing is disgusting. I suppose hearing the episode really made me ill cause I was painfully imagining what this could be like for me. And I pray to all the gods into existence that I never in my life experience this. That's all I meant and I wanted to know if other guys get grossed out from the thought of themselves getting pregnant and giving birth. Please reread my first post to this topic and try understanding it. Thanks.

[BridgetYvonne]

Somehow while I was dating girls, I often wondered how sex was on the girl's side. Having some guy climb on top of you or doggy style wasn't really my cup of tea. Now that I will be a full girl (Apr '16) Not sure if I want to have sex w/ a guy. I am in love w/ Vikki & have decided to be a lesbian. Having Vikki do me w/ her strap-on was a bit getting used to but having sex then getting pregnant, that's for the GGs to do not me.   

[Katiepie]

I always had wondered how it was on the girls side. I have had many dreams that I was a girl, and some where I would have sex and all, but my dreams aren't vivid enough to embrace the feeling as a whole.
Those dreams are far and few between like happen rarely.
I do eventually within the means of the medical community want to be able to be pregnant and birth a child.

Kate <3

[Tristyn]

Somehow while I was dating girls, I often wondered how sex was on the girl's side. Having some guy climb on top of you or doggy style wasn't really my cup of tea.

I know right.

Even when I tried to like that as a female, always brought nausea and atrocious sickness to me.

Uh, eww.

[Mr.X]

King P., I'm totally with you on this one. Pregnancy has always freaked me out, and the thought of getting pregnant was always one of my major fears, even though I have lived a sexless life. I rarely have nightmares, but the ones I can remember were about being pregnant. Nuff said.

I do respect that others (mainly females but also some transdudes) are okay with it, though. I mean, to each their own. Just like you, -I- would never consider it. In fact, I was so sure about my decision that I have no female organs left anymore.

What I understand less is the need to propagate your own genes. A lot of people want to have kids of their own, instead of adopting. As an evolutionary PhD student, I get where this is coming from. Species would not persist if individuals were not interested in aiming to maximize the spread of their own genes. But we, as humans, have rational thought and in many behaviours are already not conforming to evolutionary strategies. So why is this 'having your own kids' idea so embedded? It would be so much better if people would adopt, as the human population is growing out of control as it is. But anyway, I digress.

[9]

I feel this. A lot. Actually I was talking about pregnancy and giving birth with my mum today, and she was like 'oh it's not that bad, I mean I gave birth to you and I didn't die'. But she didn't really get the fact that for me, pregnancy is a constant reminder that there's something inside me that shouldn't be, that I consist of the wrong parts even though I can't always see them. What's more, I can take any amount of blood and gore and screaming and horror, but giving birth is where I draw the line. Doesn't matter who it is. I can't even look at other people giving birth, I'm so sorry for this, but it just reminds me of these parts I don't want. If it's someone who's pregnant walking on the street, well then, I don't really care, but if someone close to me got pregnant I'd rather not hear that many details about it. However, I do think that anyone who's willing to go through pregnancy and childbirth must be insanely strong, trans or not.

[FTMax]

It's a touchy subject to be sure. Speaking only for myself, I would never consider it. I honestly don't mentally connect my body with the ability to become pregnant at this point (thankfully soon it won't be a physical possibility). In addition to knowing that it would make me incredibly dysphoric due to all the parts involved, I think kids are awful. I have never wanted to have or raise one.

I've been told that I would be a good father, but I have no desire to be one. I like my current quality of life, the fact that I don't have to think about others when I make life decisions, and the freedom of all of that combined. There are plenty of ways to enrich your life other than children.

[FTMDiaries]

I know you *personally* find it disgusting and you've gone to great pains to point out that this is your personal view, and so far most of the thread seems to be in agreement with your view. But there are several guys in our community who have actually experienced pregnancy and childbirth - including myself. So you've asked our community feels about the idea? OK, here goes:

In my personal experience, nothing compares to the excitement and wonder of meeting a brand new human being for the very first time, knowing that they exist because you've given them life, and knowing that you're going to fall head-over-heels in love with them. Being pregnant was a deeply personal - almost spiritual - experience for me and one I'll cherish for my entire life. I got through it by perceiving my reproductive organs as being just a bunch of organs that perform a function, like my liver or kidneys or spleen - and I don't see them as having a gender any more than those organs do. Yes, it is unpleasant that society treats this essential biological function as being exclusively female and that all the facilities are geared up for women, but that's society's problem. All I know is I desperately needed to have children of my own, and there was only one way of doing it with the equipment I have, so I did what I had to do. I'd do it again in a heartbeat, if the right guy comes along.

If this topic needs discussing in the transgender community - and I believe it does - we need to be very careful not to railroad the discussion as so often happens. There's a pervasive narrative that no man should ever want to give birth because that's a 'womanly' thing to do, so trans guys who choose to do so must not be serious about being male and/or must not really be trans. There are plenty of guys who've been refused medical treatment because they've dared to tell a doctor that they aren't dysphoric about their bottom bits. We don't need to add to that burden.

[WorkingOnThomas]

While it may be fine for other transguys (and more power to them) it isn't something that interests me in the slightest. But then, I've always been told I couldn't get pregnant/carry to term in any case, so it isn't something that I've ever really worried about. But even if I could .... Nah. If I want kids, I'll get some ready made.

[FtMitch]

The idea of being pregnant has never appealed to me, though I want children.  On the other hand, I do not find the idea sickening or anything like that, and I think a couple of posts in this thread have been a little hostile or defensive about it.  We all have dysphoria in various forms, and I agree that if we are going to have a discussion in the community that we need to allow everyone to speak what they feel without feeling that any remarks are meant personally toward anyone else.  Stating that you don't find preganancy itself disgusting as a response to someone who find preganancy in their own bodies disgusting is just a statement of that guy's feelings on preganancy, not necessarily a response to the original remark.  It is hard to keep topics like this narrowed down to ONE sliver only.  Personally I dislike the idea of being pregnant but find pregnant women very beautiful.  I also applaud those trans men who want to bear children for choosing to do what they want rather than bow to a society that says that men shouldn't get pregnant and, if you are pregnant, you're not a real man.  Overall, I think pro-pregnancy is really the side that is rarely discussed in FTM communities, as I see many trans guys talk about how the idea of being pregnant sickens or disturbs them.

[Kylo]

Funny you mention that episode of TNG, I was deciding which TNG to watch earlier while eating and I saw I was almost up to that ep, and I thought... mm, not that one. And not while I'm eating. Haha.

As someone who was pregnant, for a short time, due to... well, an unfortunate accident with a precautionary measure (yeah, protection... not always effective; not to mention I was born to my mother while she was on the pill) I can say that that "rejecting with every fiber of my being" feeling is very real.

I think I can say it ranks up there with the most terrifying moments of my life to realize there is something inside me that is going to do its thing, and there is nothing I myself can do about it. I have no control and this thing is going to take control of my body, and my life. This wasn't the reason I did not become a parent - I did think long and hard about it, and I believe I made the right decision not to - but I am more terrified of pregnancy than just about anything else. There's something fundamentally incompatible with it and with myself. In fact, for the short time I was pregnant, I fast became very ill. There were no diagnoses for the illness, but I felt it was just the situation in itself, and stress it was creating. Physical and mentally it crippled me and I decided to do what I had to do. I honestly contemplated all kinds of things that would **** me up enough to cause the pregnancy to fail, I was in so much terror of it. In the end, having a TOP was a breeze compared to the things I would have done, had I not been able to get one. Oh yea, my mind was going to some dark, strange places at that time.

Really wouldn't advise it for anyone who is strongly adverse because the hormones, the stress and the fear is nasty. Not to mention the embarrassment. I'm not a female after all, having to hang around in endless rooms devoted to female/baby related things and have some guy shove his fingers up there... oh boy. I don't regret that decision and I never will. I was never meant to have been in that situation, as far as my mental wiring goes.   

I equate childbirth with things I'd see in a Giger painting. Some creepy-ass biomechanical parasitoid machine inside a dead woman waiting to be fired out, or something. Maybe not quite that bad for other people, but being pregnant is the stuff of my nightmares.     

[MichaelTolliverLives]

As someone who is barely out of the closet, and sometimes dates men, it's something I've always found upsetting.

My nightmare was always: I decide I can live as a woman. I decide I can have children. He's delighted, and two months in the dysphoria becomes so unbearable I need an abortion, all while in love with someone who is looking forward to being a dad.

[SgtSalt]

The idea of getting pregnant is honestly one pretty high up on my list of my worst fears. When I was little I would even refuse to play with baby dolls because being called mother was the thing that caused the most anxiety in me. It doesn't help how we groom little girls to be mothers when they're barely out of diapers. And the fact I'm a gay trans man scares me even more, because if I'm with cis men, anything can happen. So I avoid sex.

I've never thought poorly of trans men who do have babies and I think that's highly admirable of them. I think any person who wants to have babies are admirable because I could never, ever do it. It really makes me sick to my stomach to imagine me doing it, though. I couldn't follow through for my own sake.

[KyleEdric]

I never wanted to get pregnant or raise kids myself. However, when I started dating, I figured that was just an inevitability I needed to accept. For some reason I had trouble picturing my life going any other way. I'd get married, we'd have kids, and voila, family life forever. Only just recently have I successfully convinced myself that, NO, OF COURSE THAT DOESN'T HAVE TO HAPPEN!

Regarding the act of sex. I hate being penetrated. Boys with their inept fingers, and me screaming in tears at the gyno has proven that effectively, enough to make me never want to have actual sex. I think about people wanting to explore my nether regions and I instinctively clasp a hand between my knees. No. Nonononono, off limits, go away, kthnxbye.

If you want to argue that I'm not relaxed enough or whatever, I know I'd definitely not be into it even if I could. Pleasure impaired as it were when it comes to the act. It makes me feel extremely vulnerable and exposed, and just...violated, sounds like an adequate word, being forcefully prodded. Now, having it the other way around for me... I don't know, I've been thinking about that from time to time during this period where I want to transition, and I keep thinking about how I don't have the confidence...

[Tristyn]

I never wanted to get pregnant or raise kids myself. However, when I started dating, I figured that was just an inevitability I needed to accept. For some reason I had trouble picturing my life going any other way. I'd get married, we'd have kids, and voila, family life forever. Only just recently have I successfully convinced myself that, NO, OF COURSE THAT DOESN'T HAVE TO HAPPEN!

Regarding the act of sex. I hate being penetrated. Boys with their inept fingers, and me screaming in tears at the gyno has proven that effectively, enough to make me never want to have actual sex. I think about people wanting to explore my nether regions and I instinctively clasp a hand between my knees. No. Nonononono, off limits, go away, kthnxbye.

If you want to argue that I'm not relaxed enough or whatever, I know I'd definitely not be into it even if I could. Pleasure impaired as it were when it comes to the act. It makes me feel extremely vulnerable and exposed, and just...violated, sounds like an adequate word, being forcefully prodded. Now, having it the other way around for me... I don't know, I've been thinking about that from time to time during this period where I want to transition, and I keep thinking about how I don't have the confidence...

I might as well just hold up a mirror to this, cause I totally ditto it!

[SgtSalt]

I never wanted to get pregnant or raise kids myself. However, when I started dating, I figured that was just an inevitability I needed to accept. For some reason I had trouble picturing my life going any other way. I'd get married, we'd have kids, and voila, family life forever. Only just recently have I successfully convinced myself that, NO, OF COURSE THAT DOESN'T HAVE TO HAPPEN!

Regarding the act of sex. I hate being penetrated. Boys with their inept fingers, and me screaming in tears at the gyno has proven that effectively, enough to make me never want to have actual sex. I think about people wanting to explore my nether regions and I instinctively clasp a hand between my knees. No. Nonononono, off limits, go away, kthnxbye.

If you want to argue that I'm not relaxed enough or whatever, I know I'd definitely not be into it even if I could. Pleasure impaired as it were when it comes to the act. It makes me feel extremely vulnerable and exposed, and just...violated, sounds like an adequate word, being forcefully prodded. Now, having it the other way around for me... I don't know, I've been thinking about that from time to time during this period where I want to transition, and I keep thinking about how I don't have the confidence...

I wish there were resources for trans men (especially gay trans men) about having sex because I totally get what you mean. I feel like the only way I'll ever be comfortable having sex is if I have an actual penis with nerve endings and everything, but the universe has worked against me.

[Pax Fidelis]

I totally respect the decision of anyone of any gender to get pregnant. It does not make a man any less of a man to get pregnant, nor does it make a non-binary person a woman if they're pregnant. However, speaking personally, it is my worst fear. Bar none.

I cannot think of anything more terrifying than something growing inside me, and the idea of giving birth. If I think about it too much, I will get physically ill or go into a panic attack. I would rather be dragged behind a bus through a cactus field on fire. If I got pregnant I would either get an abortion or I would be dead. It's that simple.

I don't mean any offense but I just could never stand it. It's like... oppositional to my very being. I want a hysterectomy just because I want to know that there is zero possbility of it ever ever happening. It was worse when I was with a cis male partner and that was a physical possbility. Thankfully, that's calmed down now that I have a partner who wants to carry a child she can take care of that end of it.