Street Harassment turned up to 11 (NYC Subway Style)

[Sydney_NYC]

Last night my wife and I were on the Subway platform in Chelsea waiting for the 2/3 train to Wall St for the Transgender Economic Empowerment Forum where we saw Laverne Cox and CeCe McDonald. (The forum was a lot of fun and met a lot of interesting people.) I was wearing leggings, a long tunic sweater top and a long knee length jacket, so it's not like I was overly dressed for attention or anything. As we were waiting on the subway platform this mail 6ft tall mail street person approaches us and comments how tall I am and that I must be an Irish girl with my red hair. He didn't touch me or try to at this point, but it was what he was saying that was disturbing. After he stating I was pretty he started to touch me and backed away and my wife said to him that I'm her wife and you need to leave us alone. Then he said to me, "I want to put a baby in you!". I told him no, that was not going to happen and you need to get away from me NOW. We walk away from him and he said it again following us. We lead him to the stairs and quickly turned around and he got disoriented and finally walked away. 15 seconds later the train came and we got on. As we were on our way to Wall St, it really started to sink in what had just happened. My wife was also a little shocked as that had never happened to her. She felt bad that she didn't stop him before it got to that point, but I told her she didn't do anything wrong and he seemed like a harmless drunk at first, but we took action when it was needed and no one was hurt. She was worried if she was protecting me enough, and I told her that she was and we both have martial arts training so it would had been a really short fight.

We enjoyed the forum and meeting all kinds of people (trans and trans allies) and that certainly took my mind over what happened. Our subway ride home was uneventful as it should be. On a fun note, we did have this happen prior to this.

[Tommi]

I'm sorry that happened to you!  Some people never learn boundaries.

[Keri]

Hi Sydney,
Its so wonderful your wife was concerned like that.. sounds like Sandi.. my ex ..
She must be so wonderful..
Anyway, its hard to get used to but as women we are treated differently by seems like everyone.. including other women.. but its nice to be in the world we were supposed to be right?
Love
Keri

[Rachel]

Sydney, I am sorry that happened to both of you. Some people are really rude and have no respect for others. Your wife sounds wonderful.

[stephaniec]

that happened to me about a month ago in a Subway sandwich shop at 12AM. It's quite annoying. It also bothers me because I can't hold back a male voice when I get pissed.

[Roni]

I had been extremely reluctant to click this thread because I thought this was going to be an anti-trans related harassment incident. I typically don't do well with learning how transphobic some people can be; it literally discourages me and puts a damper on any positive vibes I am feeling.

Not that I am glad you got sexually harassed, but at least this says a lot about how well you pass in public that a man would say that to you. It is still very inappropriate what he did, and I think you and your wife handled the situation well and calmly, so good on you both for that! Hopefully you weren't left too rattled by the incident.

I work at a fast food joint and was serving this young male at our drive-thru. He whipped his privates out as I was talking to him and he started masturbating right there and then in his car, all while looking at me intently. It was definitely a night I will never forget, for the wrong reasons of course.

[Missy D]

I had been extremely reluctant to click this thread because I thought this was going to be an anti-trans related harassment incident. I typically don't do well with learning how transphobic some people can be; it literally discourages me and puts a damper on any positive vibes I am feeling.

Not that I am glad you got sexually harassed, but at least this says a lot about how well you pass in public that a man would say that to you. It is still very inappropriate what he did, and I think you and your wife handled the situation well and calmly, so good on you both for that! Hopefully you weren't left too rattled by the incident.

I work at a fast food joint and was serving this young male at our drive-thru. He whipped his privates out as I was talking to him and he started masturbating right there and then in his car, all while looking at me intently. It was definitely a night I will never forget, for the wrong reasons of course.

Eeew!!! I'm so sorry that happened to you  That's just horrid on so many levels - and a sex crime too 

I wish I could say that I couldn't believe guys could be like that; but they can and are. It's why we can't let feminism die out.

I've had incidents similar - one where a man was walking towards me and started shouting: "I'm going to f**k you". I suppose it was to impress his friends... Another was a complete classic in that I had the guts to be out alone at 7 p.m.  Seriously, 7 p.m. and I got hassled for doing nothing more than smoking a cigarette in the outside bit of a coffee shop. A man came up and was all like: "Hi darling, you look nice, have you got a spare cigarette?" Initially I tried to be dismissive but he came up close and started asking for the remains of the one I was already smoking and just wouldn't leave it. I, as expected, sort of shoved the half-a-->-bleeped-<- at him then walked off as quickly as I could without making further eye contact.

It's a cigarette; but the point is that I was intimidated into handing over my own property 

[Keri]

Sydney,
I wanted to publicly say that you were most likely the first person to reach out to me when I was first beginning transition and helped me and I want to thank you!
You are an awesome woman.
We have both come such a long way since then.. were just a couple of chicks now living life..
Its wonderful
Keri

[Sydney_NYC]

I had been extremely reluctant to click this thread because I thought this was going to be an anti-trans related harassment incident. I typically don't do well with learning how transphobic some people can be; it literally discourages me and puts a damper on any positive vibes I am feeling.

Not that I am glad you got sexually harassed, but at least this says a lot about how well you pass in public that a man would say that to you. It is still very inappropriate what he did, and I think you and your wife handled the situation well and calmly, so good on you both for that! Hopefully you weren't left too rattled by the incident.

I work at a fast food joint and was serving this young male at our drive-thru. He whipped his privates out as I was talking to him and he started masturbating right there and then in his car, all while looking at me intently. It was definitely a night I will never forget, for the wrong reasons of course.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. No one should ever have to see something like that without consent.

----------------------------------


Thank you everyone for your comments and I agree I do have an awesome wife. The incident rattled me a little afterwards, and I've had my butt pinched on the subway before where the guy took off and couldn't even look at me and ran to the next car that didn't bother me as much. This incident bothered me more in that his intention was to rape me and this was a little after 5pm and on a non-empty subway platform.

Sydney,
I wanted to publicly say that you were most likely the first person to reach out to me when I was first beginning transition and helped me and I want to thank you!
You are an awesome woman.
We have both come such a long way since then.. were just a couple of chicks now living life..
Its wonderful
Keri

Thank you and yes we have

[iKate]

That is just...crazy. I knew the subway was full of crazies! I try not to ride at night now.

[Sydney_NYC]

That is just...crazy. I knew the subway was full of crazies! I try not to ride at night now.

It was at the 14th St (and 7th Ave) Street Station in Chelsea at the beginning of the rush hour that it happened at. We went to late dinner after the event back in Chelsea (there's nothing open in the Wall St area after 10pm). Coming home at 1:30am, we had zero harassment issues as it should be.

[Ms Grace]

Yeesh, that is super creepy. Men like that have zero respect for women. Sexual harassment (as opposed to anti trans harassment) is one of a number of less awesome things about living as a woman. I have to say I went into transition with eyes fairly wide open, knowing that street level sexual harassment was a thing for women and could happen to me, but when it did happen in a very creepy way it totally undermined my confidence and sense of safety for a few days. Hope you're OK now.

[Obfuskatie]

I recently had some random guy bark at me to get out of his way, then turn around and invited me to sleep with him. I was in San Francisco CA, so this is a pretty widespread thing that some men just feel comfortable making demands of women. Luckily, I was in a very public place and he didn't try anything in broad daylight, but it seriously made me uncomfortable. I wish this kind of stuff didn't happen, but it happens all too often, not that I'm saying it's ok or that we should accept harassment as commonplace occurrences.


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from Katie's iPad using Tapatalk

[Ashey]

Hate to say it but there are a LOT of creepy, unpleasant, and misogynistic men out there. I've been fortunate to have had very few problems with transphobia and trans-related incidents, but I've most certainly had some unpleasant experiences just being a woman...

[Keri]

Hate to say it but there are a LOT of creepy, unpleasant, and misogynistic men out there. I've been fortunate to have had very few problems with transphobia and trans-related incidents, but I've most certainly had some unpleasant experiences just being a woman...

Ditto that Ashey..

[iKate]

Hate to say it but there are a LOT of creepy, unpleasant, and misogynistic men out there. I've been fortunate to have had very few problems with transphobia and trans-related incidents, but I've most certainly had some unpleasant experiences just being a woman...

Pretty much this.

Especially in the areas with people from my country, I get catcalled and basically hollered at like a piece of meat. Guys talking to my chest isn't helpful either, and even at work I have issues being talked over or treated like I don't know what I'm talking about.

On the bright side, in my rural, conservative community everyone is so nice. I mean, guys open doors, offer to help me load groceries in my car, and other little things. Store clerks and store owners are very helpful. This is a significant change from pre transition.

[Sydney_NYC]

Pretty much this.

Especially in the areas with people from my country, I get catcalled and basically hollered at like a piece of meat. Guys talking to my chest isn't helpful either, and even at work I have issues being talked over or treated like I don't know what I'm talking about.

On the bright side, in my rural, conservative community everyone is so nice. I mean, guys open doors, offer to help me load groceries in my car, and other little things. Store clerks and store owners are very helpful. This is a significant change from pre transition.

Same here. I've noticed that in suburbia, people do tend to open doors for me and generally nicer, but I've experienced that in the city too, it just depends on the person. Most of my clients are in suburbia in office building but I do have some inner-city clients. Some in some rough neighborhoods like Elizabeth and Newark, NJ. Warehouses aren't always in the nicest areas, but they do run our software.

[michelle]

No one has been as forward with me as they have with you, but on Facebook and AARP sight when I went on as female, some guys came out of the woodwork and were trying to take me under their wing and make me a part of their harem.  It was enlightening.   Mostly I just ignored it.     It's like when some guys see what they perceive as an unattached woman, they attempt to take them under their wing.    They just feel we need male protection.

[Sydney_NYC]

.... It's like when some guys see what they perceive as an unattached woman, they attempt to take them under their wing.    They just feel we need male protection.

Sometimes it's even worse when they find our your attached to another woman. One time my wife and I were standing in line at Target and some guy was hitting on me. He was admiring my height and was using it as a pickup line. He asked if I had a boyfriend and I told him no, but here is my wife. (She was standing right beside me.) He still kept hitting on me and then finally it was his turn for the checkout. Then the cashier commented on what a character this guy was and was hitting on her. After she told him she had a husband then he was telling her that he wanted to turn me straight.

Certainly validating, but annoying.

[Missy D]

Ditto that Ashey..

Me too lol!!    Sometimes it's just harmless flirting; but it can also be nasty too. Even just the slavering predator looks we get on the street. Seriously some boy yesterday driving past - made my skin crawl.

And you look amazing in the new picture Keri! Really stunning