I feel like crap.

[highlight]

Recently I have felt like crap. I hate that fact that I was assigned a male gender. It messed up my childhood and robbed me of the experience that other "normal" girls have.

When you say it gets better; Do you mean you felt like ODing and then were glad you did not? They say suicide is not the answer, but they sure as hell don't give you a better one.

Part of me feels like god wants me to commit suicide like maybe I was born for it? Maybe it will make people think twice about about gender and how assign it.




*No Profanity Please*

[Laura_7]

Just try to relax...
and find some peace in some quiet moments...
enjoy a cup of tea... or a cup of ccocoa...(just one )

this all is a step by step process...
just take the next step...
many have done this and succeeded eventually...
just keep going...

you might try some changes to hair and clothing style...
second hand stores might be a good source...

you might look for a good gender therapist...
you might ask at plannedparenthood or a lgbt center...

here are other young trans people:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,195129.msg1758946.html#msg1758946

and there is also a chat on susans.


If you feel like it please reach out...
you can call here for example:
www.glbthotline.org/hotline.html
http://www.thetrevorproject.org/
they also have a chat
www.translifeline.org


many *hugs*

[highlight]

Feel a little better now. But it seems to come and go. I have felt like crap all day. It seems what I wrote before was a little crazy sounding..but I was trying to speak from the heart. I feel a need to believe that it all has some meaning.

[Laura_7]

Feel a little better now. But it seems to come and go. I have felt like crap all day. It seems what I wrote before was a little crazy sounding..but I was trying to speak from the heart. I feel a need to believe that it all has some meaning.

We all have some weak moments.

Don't dwell on it. Try to concentrate on uplifting things.
Do it consiously, it helps.

Sometimes writing helps... to get a clearer view.
But also... don't dwell on it... try to look for brighter things...
so many have gone through this and succeeded...
just keep on keeping on....


*hugs*

[Dena]

People have voiced their opinion that it isn't over and a better life is possible. You will find what they said on the following link.
www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,194169.msg1730640.html#msg1730640

[stephaniec]

I came to a dead end, stated HRT and found an untraveled road waiting for me.

[highlight]

I came to a dead end, stated HRT and found an untraveled road waiting for me.

I think this is what I wanted to hear.

I just have been watching a video on David Reimer Which probably didn't help.

[Wild Flower]

You are not crazy. Far from it, in fact you are seeing reality for what it is. We were born to suffer. Its no different than those who are born disabled, we stay happy through acceptance, but accepting is our only option. Or death, or denial.

Accept it and move on. What else to do, paint a smile on our mannequin. We show anything but acceptance and then were c razy. No were not crazy or mad, but were like a down syndrome person realizing our disability for what it is.

This time, the world is against us. Were born in our hell.

Put a smile on.

[highlight]

You are not crazy. Far from it, in fact you are seeing reality for what it is. We were born to suffer. Its no different than those who are born disabled, we stay happy through acceptance, but accepting is our only option. Or death, or denial.

Accept it and move on. What else to do, paint a smile on our mannequin. We show anything but acceptance and then were c razy. No were not crazy or mad, but were like a down syndrome person realizing our disability for what it is.

This time, the world is against us. Were born in our hell.


Put a smile on.

I am sorry, but there is an astronomically huge difference between pretending to be happy and actually being happy.

Being transgender is not a disability or curse. One day people will realise this.

[Deborah]

"Disability is the consequence of an impairment that may be physical, cognitive, mental, sensory, emotional, developmental, or some combination of these."

Nope, disability does not describe me.  It might be a disability if left untreated though.  I don't really consider it a curse either.  There are a whole lot worse things to be born with.

The disability is on society, primarily the religious, whose ability to feel empathy and compassion and whose humanity is impaired by their beliefs.  I actually have come to start pitying them because if there actually is a Loving God then they have totally missed the boat in their blind zeal to obey.

The only curse is that there are so many of them.

Sure, it would be better not to be trans given the people that surround us.  But there is no use fretting over what is impossible to change.  Figure out how to make the best with what you have and with what you can change and LIVE.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Ms Grace]

Part of me feels like god wants me to commit suicide like maybe I was born for it? Maybe it will make people think twice about about gender and how assign it.

I can guarantee you that will not happen and you will have thrown away your life for nothing.

Yes, things seem impossibly terrible when you are caught in the throes of gender dysphoria, there seems to be no option but worse options (transition with potential discrimination, ridicule and estrangement). But despite all the hurdles of transition it can offer a new beginning and a good life. Whether it is a better life might be down to your expectations and frame of mind.

[Maybebaby56]

Being transgender is not a disability or curse. One day people will realise this.

Well, it's no basket of kittens, either. I try to look at it no differently than my intelligence, eyesight, or shoe size.  It's the hand I was dealt.  It's who I am.

I have been through many personal struggles in my earlier years, including drug addiction and prison.  I overcame them to eventually get through graduate school, have a good career, and a home and family.  I'm still paying for the home, even though I don't live in it, and I still have my kids in my life, even though I don't see them often.  It's not a perfect scenario, but I have made the best of it. 

I look at being transgender the same way.  I want to live, love, and be happy, preferably as a female. It's who I am.

Recently I have felt like crap. I hate that fact that I was assigned a male gender. It messed up my childhood and robbed me of the experience that other "normal" girls have.

Highlight, it will do you no good to dwell on that. I decided to transition at age 56.  56! I don't know your age, but I bet you're not as old as me.  I don't look back.  It serves no purpose.

When you say it gets better; Do you mean you felt like ODing and then were glad you did not? They say suicide is not the answer, but they sure as hell don't give you a better one.

Part of me feels like god wants me to commit suicide like maybe I was born for it? Maybe it will make people think twice about about gender and how assign it.

Everyone dies.  The best case scenario is you pick when and how.  I want to die of old age, with a smile on my face, in a beautiful bed with silk sheets, redolent of jasmine and rose perfumes, and my loved ones nearby, ready to celebrate my life.  God created life for the living. It is a gift you should not turn down.

With kindness,

Terri 

[Wild Flower]

At least a financial disability that cost up to 100k. And a disability that we are hated or abused by society far worse than an amputee.

Sorry I would rather be missing my foot and be born cisgender. At least I can produce healthy kids and be accepted by my family and loved like a woman... Which is not true at the moment and Im wasting years of my life to get there.

[Maybebaby56]

At least a financial disability that cost up to 100k. And a disability that we are hated or abused by society far worse than an amputee.

Sorry I would rather be missing my foot and be born cisgender. At least I can produce healthy kids and be accepted by my family and
loved like a woman... Which is not true at the moment and Im wasting years of my life to get there.

Dear Wild Flower,

It is in fact cisgender women that are at a disadvantage financially.  They make less than men for the same work, and they are not appreciated or acknowledged for their accomplishments the way men are.

That aside, you propose a very interesting gedanken experiment. I would love to have been born female and have children come from my womb, and be accepted and loved as a woman.  Would I trade another disability for it?  I am not sure.

As far as "wasting years of your life", I am not sure that is true.  The person you will be at the end of your journey is the person you were supposed to be.  And apparently fate has determined it will take you much work to get there.  At least your path has been revealed to you.  Another poster I just responded to feels she has no path at all.  Which would you choose?

With kindness,

Terri

[Wild Flower]

So many hypothetical situations, that it would be hard to estimate. As a man, at 5'6, non priviledge background I had to do some junky professions to make money.

Give me a female body and I can make bank.

Women who have to suffer, choose to suffer, unless they are so ugly that even an ugly man would reject. Sorry. If I have to manipulate a man I will... I done it. I havent done it in a loong time though.

I could be a Jenna Jameson without no moral insecurities about it. But its not worth it as a man... i could be a hot female. And as man... Its not comfortable or natural either.

I dont believe in fate. This life is randomness. I have no reason to be here. It just happen. Random genetic selection.

[Maybebaby56]

So many hypothetical situations, that it would be hard to estimate. As a man, at 5'6, non priviledge background I had to do some junky professions to make money.

Give me a female body and I can make bank.

Women who have to suffer, choose to suffer, unless they are so ugly that even an ugly man would reject. Sorry. If I have to manipulate a man I will... I done it. I havent done it in a loong time though.

I could be a Jenna Jameson without no moral insecurities about it. But its not worth it as a man... i could be a hot female. And as man... Its not comfortable or natural either.

I dont believe in fate. This life is randomness. I have no reason to be here. It just happen. Random genetic selection.

If you choose to believe that, that's fine.  Then be deterministic about your life.  Prioritize your goals, assess your resources, and use risk analysis to guide your choices.

Carpe diem.

Terri