Struggling with transition

[Jenny07]

So its been over two years now on a low dose of E and I am still finding it all very difficult.
I love how I feel and what E has done to me inside and in my head as it has calmed everything down so much that I rarely think about it.
The squishy bits are nice and inside I love them very much.

But I struggle to accept who I really am and it is a constant battle only getting worse.
This is much harder than anything I have ever done.

Is it me or does anyone else feel like this as they face transitioning?
I really wish this was easier.

Perhaps I just need to be whipped into shape and pushed off the fence?
Anyone good with whips here?

[Ms Grace]

Jen, I can totally understand, having been in a similar situation myself during my first transition. The closer I got to the possibility of fully transitioning (at the two year mark too!) the more terrified I became. A lot of that had to do with self acceptance, lack of confidence in my appearance and fear of being out at work and with family.

For some people jumping into the deep end is the way to go, for others it is a case of wading in and seeing what happens but still being able to retreat if they feel out of their depth.

I guess ultimately it depend on what you want to accomplish - do you see yourself living as a woman? If so, what do you believe are your three greatest roadblocks? What do you think you can do, either yourself or with the help of others, to remove those blocks?

[Cindy]

We are individuals and on a Forum like this we tend to gravitate to the mean, which is to live as our affirmed gender.

But that doesn't mean it is right for everyone.

From my point of view being my affirmed female gender was my drive, no matter what society thought. It made it comparatively easy for me to deal with the knocks and blows, work issues and home life - I basically didn't care. I had to be my affirmed female gender and to live as me full time.

On reflection that drove a lot of my transition.

I threw out all of his clothes after a few weeks on HRT, I didn't 'pass' and didn't care. I think, again on reflection that my euphoria of not wanting to kill myself over road the practical concerns.

In many ways that made me very strong. Sometimes too strong. I demanded acceptance and I was financially and job secure that the demand had to be accepted.

I was rash.

I readily and with urgency burned every bridge I had to going back to being him. But I had too. It was my life line.

Not everyone is like me. And everyone is different and respected for that difference. How we cope with being transgender is very individual - and we need as a community to accept that!

I was fortunate to have AnonyMs visit me in Adelaide, a wonderful person who I honestly like and respect - but who has taken a different path to me. I respect that. I know other Aussies who are transitioning on low dose who retain their 'male' persona. I replied to one MtF friend that they are joking if they think they are being accepted as male, they are so obviously physically female.

But they are happy. It is not my right or role to criticise, or even express an opinion. That is would be an appalling lack of consideration for another human being.

What is important is that we control and take control of our transitions. It is no ones right except ours to be who we are.

Yes, I am a very strong advocate of psychiatric help - but not as a 'treatment' for a none existent medical condition, but as a way to deal with conflicting emotions. To enable us to make our decisions for ourselves, with clear, unemotional facts presented to us. And support to deal with the baggage that I and many others carry.

Jenny, you are Jenny. No one can change that or manipulate you into a person you do not want to be.

In the end there is one person who controls your destiny.

You.

[iKate]

I jumped fully in and it's still not enough. The lack of a reproductive system bothers me a lot.

[Lyndsey]

So its been over two years now on a low dose of E and I am still finding it all very difficult.
I love how I feel and what E has done to me inside and in my head as it has calmed everything down so much that I rarely think about it.
The squishy bits are nice and inside I love them very much.

But I struggle to accept who I really am and it is a constant battle only getting worse.
This is much harder than anything I have ever done.

Is it me or does anyone else feel like this as they face transitioning?
I really wish this was easier.

Perhaps I just need to be whipped into shape and pushed off the fence?
Anyone good with whips here?

Hi Everyone

The decision to transition is never and easy choice as you must know we will get beat up by lots of thing at all different angles. People who think that we just do this for fun are crazy. I would not wish this on anyone.
But look at it and other way as we are blessed not to many proper could ever be his brave as to throw ourselves into the wolves den and psychical toucher we put ourselves threw.  I think that our world is starting to get noticed and there are a lot more people coming out at a much younger age.

I wish that I could of but when I was young It wasn't even heard of at least I my younger years plus I do know that my father would have KILLED me and that I do know It is so much better now than it was in the past. I'm sorry to say that it took my father whom I did Love to pass on before I came out.

It has still been very hard for me as I have 2 brothers that really don't have anything to do with me and it has been years now. I have one sister that loves to throw me under the bus and dose not even look back. Then last night I get a phone call and it is Her trying to act like nothing has ever happened between us. I call this Bipolar and she is crazy. I will and wil always keep my guard up with her. She is also the one that is always asking the personal questions. I will never let her it to my personal stuff. I do not trust her at all.

Then I have 2 other sisters one is my twin sister and the other is my youngest sister and they are both so good to me and we hang out together all the time. I have 3 children that my oldest daughter is like my best friend in the world and my son and I are very close. But my youngest daughter has nothing to do with me but this is even before my transition. She only comes by at Christmas or her Birthday or  when she needs money. Last year I told her that the well is gone dry and she yelled at me and i haven't heard from her once and I have tried several time to get ahold of her but she just don't call me back. I have 4 grandsons and 2 granddaughters that are all close to me. So sorry for the long rant but you are the lucky one who got to see it.

Hugs and thanks for letting me vent
Lyndsey Marie

[Lyndsey]

So its been over two years now on a low dose of E and I am still finding it all very difficult.
I love how I feel and what E has done to me inside and in my head as it has calmed everything down so much that I rarely think about it.
The squishy bits are nice and inside I love them very much.

But I struggle to accept who I really am and it is a constant battle only getting worse.
This is much harder than anything I have ever done.

Is it me or does anyone else feel like this as they face transitioning?
I really wish this was easier.

Perhaps I just need to be whipped into shape and pushed off the fence?
Anyone good with whips here?

Hi Jenny

Oh My I feel like you do and I'm post=op I feel great all over but the people that reject you have a huge affect on how you deal with it.
I don't have any problem passing. I guess a lot of my problem is Me. I'm crushed by the rejection from my family. Not all are on board. I do have some that are fine and happy for me but your mental mind makes you fix on the negatives .
I'm in the process of selling my home and moving out of the area. I believe this will give me a big boost in my owen Mind and life.

When I'm away I never have a problem as I don't know anyone and they do not look at me any different than a cic women.

I don't mind living alone as I have for years but a hate the rejection and the gossip behind my back were I grew up.
I was very well known in this area as the go to contractor for 40 years and had a 5 star rating with the BBB and not one complaint. Know that I have transitioned I'm looked at like the contractor that lost my Mind. Very hurtful

Sadly Submitted
Lyndsey