Yet again, Im looking into HRT... tell me its worth the trouble

[abd789]

I found a informed consent clinic an hour from me, or at least they say they are and its a LGBT Pride Clinic. I will be calling on monday. Im a little scared, ok, alot.... its a step Ive been happy to avoid, but feel the urge building up.

I also need something to quiet my mind, the rollercoaster of emotions is taking its toll on me as well as my marriage and personal relationships.

[Wild Flower]

Informed consent?

[Dena]

I can't tell you that because there are trade offs in life that you haven't discussed. Would your wife be comfortable with you seeking treatment? Are you willing to transition on the job? Is this something that is your only option? If you answer yes to all the questions, it sound like you should go for it. If there are no answers, then you will have to make the decision yourself.

[Ms Grace]

All I can say is that it has been very worth it for me. Will it be worth it for you? Sorry, only you can ultimately be the judge of that... and you'd probably need to combine that with everything else you'd like to do and hope to achieve. The good thing is that the first few months won't make irreversible changes, it won't be risk free (what is) but would give you the chance to get a taste for how it might work for you. Good luck!

[Rachel]

The go to the Mazzoni Center in Philadelphia. They are a LGBT primary care. They also have group, HIV testing, food bank, legal, therapists and a clothing bank and they host the Philadelphia Trans Health Conference. I was scared to make the call to them. I did and they saved my life.

When I had my intake I walked around the block 4 times before walking in. I remember sitting in the waiting room and there were a lot of trans there. After my intake I remember sitting in my car looking at the sunset on the top of a parking garage. I thought wow I did it and it was not bad at all. I have been going there and to a LGBT community center to see my therapist.  I was afraid t walk in there the first time too.

I am so glad I did. Oh, I really enjoy going to group, the PTHC, my primary care and William Way LGBT community Center. I have made friends and I am accepted and feel safe there.

For me work has been very accepting as well as my sister and brother. The people I least expected to accept me really surprised me and are very accepting.  I have a strained relationship with my daughter and in the process of divorce. If transition was not absolutely necessary I would not be doing it. The personal cost for me is huge.

HRT did a lot to quiet my mind but I still needed medication for depression. 

[AnonyMs]

HRT has done wonders for me, but there's only one way to find out.

I resisted far too long, and only started when I got really desperate. I stopped and restarted a few times as well before I gave up and stayed on it. I'm so glad I did because its was a horrible way to live.

[abd789]

Thanks for the replies

I guess Id like to hear more about what your mental state was before and then after.

As for the questions, wife has seen me go through thus far, she says "Im happy when youre happy" I believe that, but truly deep inside... I wonder how she is with the whole thing in general... and if she needs to go that is her decision to make. I dont know if shes really on board or not. I know after 10 years, I should know...but I dont... although I question nearly every relationship I have, on personal and romantic levels as well. I think that is one of my huge problems. I dont trust what people tell me because, to me, nobody backs up what they say with the things they do.... I tend to look for what people do rather than what they say... and no one does what I think they should do to make me feel important. Again, thats a mental problem I have, but its real to me nonetheless

As far as jobs go, Im pretty much unemployed...I work very part time, sometimes a day a week or less, some more at a small family run (not my family) business. I help when they need me. But they are gay hater, military/police background, conservative people who dont know how to treat people and would probably not want me ruining their business image but would never tell me to my face.  Wow, did I just say that? What the <not allowed> am I doing even going in there?  And a couple weeks ago they hung on the public bulletin board a print of a facebook pic with a soldier and Caitlynn and how one is courage and one is not

so no, I doubt I could transition there...but who cares, its not that big a deal to me.... but they have seen whats changed about me thus far...do they notice? they should...

My emotional state is so up and down, I bounce between man and woman and hate it....Somedays Im a complete wreck and I read how HRT helps calm people and get them on a single track again. Id love any benefits with my physical, but would really like a relief from the mental too

I know it sounds like I need therapy, I have done that alot... but therapists dont seem to help me

[Ms Grace]

It can calm people but it is no panacea. It really depends on a lot of things especially what is behind the state of mind of the individual. I was in a pretty good place for my second transition and HRT really helped to cement that for me emotionally, but during my first attempt at transition I was all over the place, a real emotional wreck. Maybe that was the HRT and/or delivery method. Or maybe it was because I was fairly fragile and unstable at the time. Or a combination of both.

[abd789]

Thanks Grace

Im surely in the unstable category... Im still going to call and look into it. I guess Im just looking for a ray of hope today... friday morning I was on top of the world and today Im closer to, well Ive been digging alot of dirt...

[AnonyMs]

I know it sounds like I need therapy, I have done that alot... but therapists dont seem to help me

Assuming you like me for a moment, that could be because you're not doing the one thing you need to. Talking about it only goes so far.

[abd789]

Assuming you like me for a moment, that could be because you're not doing the one thing you need to. Talking about it only goes so far.

right, Im tired of talking about it...

thanks again for the replies, it has me really thinking

[katrinaw]

I'm afraid only you yourself can answer that, what do you want deep down.

I have been very much happier now than before (not sure my wife is tho  ) For me it was a "have too" sanity and really needing to change to meet my drivers.

Katy xx

[April_TO]

Hi Rita,

I think it all goes down to owning your truth and being ready for the consequences that comes with it. Transition is never easy but completely rewarding in my own experience. Yes, it's completely liberating being who you are and showing it to the world. But dysphoria doesn't go away after HRT or going full time. HRT will just help you sync your mind and body, but years of social conditioning that you are not a woman will come back in waves. Just be ready for it and make sure that your eyes are open if and when you decide to transition. This community loves you no matter what.

Hugs,

April

[Julie summers]

Is it worth the trouble?
For me it was not the point of is it worth it ?
It was necessary. Its not a easy road and you could lose everything or keeping everything.
its a crap shoot.
Be sure this is what you want because it is a life changing journey.

julie

[abd789]

Thanks again, to all of you.

I guess when I say worth it

Im thinking of a couple sides

one being the side effects, both physical, social, mental ... good and bad

I feel I am at a point that I have to do something and its not about the physical for me, Im getting my body looking very girly already, I have ample boobage as well, Im a solid D cup now and as I lose weight they are actually appearing bigger. My hips, butt, torso are all falling in line... somehow .
I cant imagine what HRT might do for me

the social aspect is coming wether I want it or not... I will not be able and almost cant now... hide this body

I guess I wondered if the head gets better, not really dysphoria... just feeling more in tune with my body

Im rambling, Im gonna go dance it off!