Going to a barber shop, worried about passing...

[MeganeRei]

So my hair desperately needs cut lol I look like a sheep dog. I usually go to salons where you need to make appointments, but I was thinking of just going to a chain barber shop in town where they don't know me at all, let alone as a female. I'm not on T, have a voice that sounds like a boy who has yet to have a voice drop, and pass fairly decently now and then, but mostly I get pegged as a girl.

And this barber shop specifically does men's hair and boys' hair. I mean, naturally confidence=passing better, acting like you belong there and not like you shouldn't be there is the best strategy, but I'm still nervous. I live in a fairly liberal state and discrimination is illegal, but people will be people and you never know how they'll react.

If they say they only cut men's hair as a way to tell me 'you ain't no man', I could always just be like: Well I came to the right place then' and that's that, but I don't know. I'm anxious. :O maybe I should just go back to a place I'm used to until after I get my name and gender changed on my ID(Name getting changed on the 14th of this month!!) and then I'll feel more comfortable. I dunno what to do

[janetcgtv]

be on the safe side. bring a friend place them on the other side of street and be able to look in to see what is happening
take in any small talk to see if you passed if not check out their reaction to you.

[jlaframboise]

Do what makes you comfortable! I've never been to a barber shop but I'm sure they wouldn't kick out out, etc. I always go to great clips for some reason. They're pretty good.

[haeden]

I live in Georgia granted it is pretty close to Atlanta but still it's Georgia. I go to barber shops or Sports Clips all the time. I have people walk up to me all the time to give me their business card (growing out an afro so I get why lol). Never have I gone and they treated me poorly or differently. They treat me like one of the guys so I don't think you have to worry. Though while writing this I realize that I have only been to black barber shops or to a black person (never again will a non black person cut my hair. She just didn't know what to do with it) so it may be different at white barber shops but most likely not

[Tysilio]

Do a little research online on the "lingo" of men's haircuts, and figure out how to describe what you want. It does wonders for one's confidence to be able to say, for example, that you want a businessman's cut with a blocked neck and a natural arch.

If you want a longer cut, you might be better off with a stylist -- not all barbers do those well.

Here are a couple of useful sites:

From Hudson's FTM Guide, a primer on the basics: http://www.ftmguide.org/haircuts.html

And a more comprehensive site with tons of info, including pictures to help you decide what you want: http://haircutsformen.org/buzzblog/

If the barber treats you OK, tip him well, and he'll be happy to see you again.

[Sharon Anne McC]

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MeganeRei:

When I was a child, my mom took me with her when she went to the hair salon and my dad took me with him when he went to a barber.  It was not for me to get my hair done when I went to either place as a child but just to bring me along as they ran their errands.  I learned to not feel nervous in either environment.  By my early teen years, I learned to cut my dad's hair.

My dad cut my hair until I started growing it long as a teen to add as my silent form of feminine protesting; my dad understood it.  Trips to a barber shop for me were otherwise rare.  The last time was for one last time when male was fading fast to my female appearance.  The barber kidded me about my female hairline and told me it will go away in a few years (he did not know and I did not tell him).  I had to use my male falsetto because my voice did not otherwise masculinise.

Let me tell you that if you are nervous then bring someone who has been to a barber - you are two bros getting your hair cut at their local barber man-cave - seems natural.  I think you'll enjoy it - especially your first experience - if you go to an independent barber shop with a couple chairs.  Those places are friendly - much as Floyd the barber in Mayberry.  They will have newspapers and magazines - men's, of course.  Maybe the radio or TV will have a sports event or sports talk.  It will help if you can join in their conversation when the barber asks you about the local teams.  Don't go overboard, just act natural.

The barber will wrap a tissue around your neck then drape an apron around your front and lap. The barber will adjust the chair upwards to his height. He may snip with scissors or use an electric hair cutter, or both.  He may ask you how you like the cut as he is working - he'll turn you to face the mirror and give a hand mirror for you to check your back.  When he is done cutting, stay seated as he brushes off the hair from around your neck and collar, removes the apron and tissue, and may give a few more swipes of the brush for any last clipt hairs.  He'll tell you when he's done, then you can get out of the chair.

Much as women bring a picture to our salon stylist, find what you like in a newspaper, magazine, or Internet, and show it to the barber.  Say something like, 'I've not had that cut for a while, I don't remember what it is called'.  Some barber shops actually have a poster on the wall with pictures of various standard 'men's' cuts - especially those small shops.

Another option is a local community college cosmetology class.  They have all students doing various cuts for men and women.  Some classes are periodic refresher courses that some states mandate for professionals.  Some do not charge at all.  I had a boyfriend at a community college; he brought me in once every school quarter.  I could get whatever I wanted for free but I usually accepted a basic cut; I got a perm a few times as I started passing more as female from male.

Your voice?  What do your family and friends say about your voice?  Go deep, I'll bet you can find your masculine voice with a little practise.

Have fun!

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[FtMitch]

I know that there are occasionally crazy stories like that one barber who refused to serve a lesbian at his "gentleman's" barber shop, but most barbers aren't actually male only.  I went to a variety of barbers (white and ethnic) when I had patterns shaved into the side of my head, because the salons had no experience in that (nor the white barbers, lol).  I never had a problem--most barbershops are cool with anyone who has a short cut coming into their shop.  Unless they specifically advertise that it is a "men's only" shop like that one guy did, they won't likely say anything even if they gender you as female.  Around here there is a shop staffed by skimpily dressed, busty women (like a Hooters for hair), and women can get cuts there if they want.  Just don't worry too much about it, and if they do say anything just explain you want a traditional cut and you don't trust a salon not to turn you into Justin Beiber.

[haeden]

I've never given a name for the cut I want. I usually just bring a picture but since I go to the same lady at Sports Clips (male hair cuts, female workers) she knows what I want and the few times I did go somewhere else I just tell them I want the sides cut low with the 4 on the razor and the top trimmed. I picked up all of that from just going to get my hair cut a lot. It's important to find a barber you like and not to change it. At least that's how it is in the black community. We stick with one barber. I mean confidence is really important but I honestly just go in for my cut and if they talk to me (they usually do) then I respond and it's usually about school stuff. Just don't over think this and you should be fine

[FTMax]

I'd be super surprised if they treated you poorly or told you they only cut men's hair. Remember, on top of what they're being paid, hair stylists and barbers want three things: tips, repeat customers, and referrals. It doesn't behoove them to make anyone uncomfortable or treat someone badly.

I've never gone to a barber shop. We didn't have any in my hometown, we just had a Hair Cuttery. So even though I don't live there anymore, that is typically what I'm looking for when I venture out to get a haircut. I usually buzz it myself and then go to get it faded after a few months. I've gone to a different location every time just based on where I was when I decided I needed it cut, and I've never had a bad experience with a stylist even before I was passing consistently. So if you aren't feeling the barber shop, a lower end salon might be a good option.

[MeganeRei]

So I'm still planning on going to a barbers at some point, but I ended up going to a salon I've been to before yesterday at the mall while I was out christmas shopping with my mom. There was no wait and no one there that I knew, however as we walked in, my mom did something that surprised me and said: Is there anyone available to cut his hair?' HIS hair! That was the first time she's used male pronouns to someone else for me :O bless my mum
Then since my name was already in the system(as my female name) she asked if they could change it to Colin

So it went really well and my hair looks really good. The stylist did a good job and I did notice a difference in how she cut it versus how they usually cut it before. Like it was more angled, less feathery and sharper. She even cleaned up my hair line and it looks a bit more masculine now honestly (not that I've noticed my hair line to look extremely feminine to begin with)

Anyway, I'm pleased, but I won't be scared to go to a barber when I do

[haeden]

oh that is so cool! way to go mom!

[MichaelTolliverLives]

Last time I went to the barbers, it was a bad experience all round :/

The barber challenged me on my gender at the till; I had to raise my voice; then leave *incredibly* quickly after paying. I was upset; the barber was upset (who can blame him, really? We know it's rude to go round challenging people on their gender, but trans stuff doesn't get taught in schools. I wanna be as empathetic as I can - you know, however much I want all service-providers to be geared up on trans issues + respectful, it's hardly his fault that we're not there yet :/)

Certainly, confidence is important. I had the advantage of only bringing in the amount for a men's haircut, so when challenged at the till - I literally didn't have the extra £15 on me for a "women's haircut".

I'm lucky that normally in the city I live, there's a barbers specifically for trans/GNC/lgbt people - I'm never going to chance it in a straight barbers again.