Being happy not transitioning?

[SophieSakura]

I really need to know, is it possible for someone to be happy and to cope with their dysphoria without transitioning? 

Like by getting therapy, etc.? 

Not denying that they are trans, just coping with the feelings that causes them and being ok with who they are, in the body they are born in, or at least getting by and being overall mostly happy?

[Dena]

I can't say for sure but the feelings tend not to get any better unless you remove your birth hormone from your diet. That would mean blockers. I am sure a fair amount of people could live with the feelings but they might not be happy.

Some people on the site feel they have to much to lose if they transition and either suffer with their feelings or reduce their birth hormone to reduce the feeling. If you look around the threads you will find them discussing this approach to living with their TG feelings.

The trade off is my approach. I knew I was transsexual at age 13 but because of the time I lived in, I wasn't able to receive surgery until I was 30. I look back now and see how the first part of my life was wasted because all the years I had to fight my feelings. The last half of my life has been like a rebirth in the form of a new life where I am free of the feelings that troubled me every day.

The decision is yours and not mine. Your feelings may not be intense enough that you feel a transition or medical intervention is required. If your feelings are that intense, you gain nothing by delaying treatment.

[cheryl reeves]

yes..i been dealing with the transgender dragon since 1978 when i was 13 and had a bad puberty,voice not changing,growing breasts,having to dry shave to have facial hair and some body hair,i did grow to 6'2 and weighed 125-130 lbs til i was 27 and slowed down then ballooned to 290 now am down to 245..im happy and happily married..life is for living and ive lived alot of it,i dont scare or hide worth a damn..

[gennee]

I haven't transitioned (not going to) and I'm happy as a lark. I feel a little edgy when I don't dress for several days. What helps me is that I acknowledge that I am a transgender woman. 

[JoanneB]

I really need to know, is it possible for someone to be happy and to cope with their dysphoria without transitioning? 

Like by getting therapy, etc.? 

Not denying that they are trans, just coping with the feelings that causes them and being ok with who they are, in the body they are born in, or at least getting by and being overall mostly happy?

After a nearly fifty year battle I took the trans-beast on for real. Before that I did not fully realize how unhappy, how depressed, I was. All while not really feeling any GD. Certainly not anywhere near the levels I do actively addressing it. I came to realize that many/most of the disasters in my life came about because of how I was NOT handling being trans.

I try not to use "Cope" in regards to GD. Too many negative connotations for me. I prefer "Manage" which puts me in control, not it. I no longer want to be the victim. I've never been OK with who I am before today. I could not take credit for great things in my life. All part of going through the motions of being a guy. Doing what is expected. Nothing special at all. Today I can and do. All thanks to finding a way for both the male and female aspects of me to peacefully coexist.

It took a lot of work to unlearn a lot of the bad behaviors born out of suppressing and totally hiding being trans, even to myself. Even more to let go of all the feeling of shame and guilt that go along with it. 

How? Dumb luck? Years of being shown but never truly hearing? We each much find what works. I went through a ton of self help books some really talked to me, many did not. Therapy helped some, a for real gender therapist more so. Being trans also means you have a ton of baggage. I found a very unique support group with a couple of angels there to help, even save me.

Yet, how much of all this can I say would really work without HRT? I relied on short term use of low dose HRT over the decades for a brain reset. I did it again, however this time short became long, low became full. Waiting too long between shots, missing pills, or stopping thanks to WTF meltdowns has dire consequences on my emotional well-being.

Six years later I still present primarily as male. Most mornings I awake and see a happy Joanne looking back at me in the mirror and not "The Sad Old Man". I have emotions, perhaps a full spectrum of them now rather then the 2 or 3 men are allowed. Most days I am happy. Most days the GD is not an issue. Then there are days when other life issues overwhelm me and I loose my mojo. The GD starts winning.

In a perfect world I would go full-time. My world at least is far from perfect. I settle for part-time when I can. I am thankful I have those options. Every one of my TG group members that did transition did so because they had to, or die. I have not yet hit send on the paperwork to join the Transition or Die club. The forms have all been filled out long ago. I cannot imagine living in a world again where the transition option is off the table.

[Deborah]

For me doing nothing meant sliding further and further into despair each year.  I also became a pretty miserable person for my wife to be around.  Full blown HRT without a public social transition is working for me now and I'm pretty happy and a much better person at home. 

Will that be enough long term?  I don't know and really don't worry about it too much.  What needs to be done will be done when it is needed.

I guess the other question is if full HRT without social transition is transition or not.  I don't know that either and it probably depends on who you ask.


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[barbie]

Yes. I am satisfied with just wearing women's dresses and makeup. I can keep my family happy without transitioning while enjoying fashion and beauty as a woman. Frankly speaking, sometimes I wish HRT, but that is practically impossible in my situation.

barbie~~

[Zeno]

I haven't started going to therapy or anything yet and I'm happy enough. But I'm leaving it until I'm 16 seeing as in the UK the NHS normally put you on blockers first if you're under 16 and I don't really care about that.

[DriftingCrow]

I really need to know, is it possible for someone to be happy and to cope with their dysphoria without transitioning? 

Like by getting therapy, etc.? 

Not denying that they are trans, just coping with the feelings that causes them and being ok with who they are, in the body they are born in, or at least getting by and being overall mostly happy?

Yes, you CAN be happy without medically or even socially transitioning.  But, like almost everything in life, you need to WORK at achieving happiness.  If being trans bothers you now, you can work your way into accepting it and living a happy life with it (and medically/socially transitioning may be needed for you to become happy with your body and/or gender presentation if you're unable to get past it, but mentally and spiritually working at happiness is, I think, a necessary component to complement a medical/social transition). 

Transitioning isn't always the "magic pill" to make you happy.  I know many trans people who have medically and socially transitioned, and they're still unhappy -- maybe less unhappy than they were before, but they are still plagued with self-esteem problems, family issues, depressing thoughts, body image problems, anger issues, etc.  Many people do not think they need to "work at becoming happy", many people think that happiness should come naturally if a certain set of conditions occur.  Yes, sometimes happiness does come naturally, but most of the time, you still have inner demons that need to be set straight. 

I haven't transitioned medically or socially, and I am happy.  What makes me happy now? I have accepted the fact that I was born female bodied, and while I would be happy to suddenly have a male body, I know I can live the rest of my life as-is.  I don't need to conform to please others or fit in with society. Medically transitioning won't give me the body I may think I should have been born with, just an adjusted/manipulated version of what I have now. If I medically transition, it won't stop me from always seeing something wrong with it, I'd always think that I am too short, not muscular enough, my voice won't be deep enough, etc.  The problem with happiness is with my brain, not my body.

I am also happy now because I regularly train my brain to become happy -- you need to exercise your mind and spirit to overcome stress, anger, greed, sadness, envy, pride, and anything else that plagues you.   If you want to loose weight, you diet and exercise; if you have a sore muscle, you go to a massage therapist, rest, or use a muscle relaxant.  The mind and spirit is like the physical body where you need to train it, work it, and manipulate it to become what it should be, and what you need it to be. 

[Sebby Michelango]

I really need to know, is it possible for someone to be happy and to cope with their dysphoria without transitioning? 

Like by getting therapy, etc.? 

Not denying that they are trans, just coping with the feelings that causes them and being ok with who they are, in the body they are born in, or at least getting by and being overall mostly happy?

It's not impossible for some people. It depends from person to person. The trans umbrella and the whole gender spectrum is huge. People who faces gender dysphoria usually won't be better without some form for transistion. Transistion can be medical or social. Gender dysphoria is something that wouldn't suddenly disappear and if a trans person who has it choose to not transistion, he or she risk to have the dysphoria rest of his/her life.

Transgender people who hasn't gender dysphoria would much easier live a good life without any form for transistion than a person with gender dysphoria. I doesn't say it's impossible, but I think it's very low change a person with dysphoria would cope a long life without transistion.

I'm 15 when I wright this, and I can't imagine a life without transistion. 1 year is more than 2 for me. I can't go to gender specialist by myself before 18 and can't start transistion medically before 20 or 21. Because the tests take 2 years before you can start the 5 years long treatment in my country Norway. It's a really big Hell down here. I don't think I would manage to not transistion at all here in my life.

[Janes Groove]

for me it's just giving myself permission to be feminine.

also, be careful when choosing a therapist.
much therapeutic abuse has been done to transgender people and continues to occur.
repairative therapy is the worst. it leads to depression and suicidal ideation.
a therapist's goal should be to make you feel more comfortable in your own skin, not to shame you.
beware of therapists who use words like paraphelia and ->-bleeped-<-.
try to find a gender therapist, not just an ordinary therapist.

and remember, it's always easier being one's true self.

[CrysC]

As folks have said, this is something only you can figure out for you. 

I will say that since accepting who I am and transitioning that every day is brighter, the future looks sweeter and I actually like being me.

I'm saying this as somebody that fought this for many years and could not win.  Oh yea, if you really got it, you got it.  It will never 'go away'.  Think of it this way, you can see that you are trans in an MRI.  Your brain is physically different from a cis brain. 

BUT, it's also important to say that my long fight was beneficial to me.  I distracted myself with hard work, studying a lot and escaping into reading.  That was helpful for employment.  Having a successful career is a big deal and is a matter of survival in this world.  I found that falling in love was a helpful delay and now I have two wonderful sons who I would not have in my life had I accepted this earlier. 

If you aren't strongly driven internally to transition and can fight it safely (no self harm in other words) then by all means I'd put it off.  The things I gave up was being a younger woman but I consider things a fair trade. 
Either way though, best of luck. 

[Edalia]

I'm not transitioning so far and I don't see myself doing so.
I'm generally happy and getting more happy the more open I become. What's made my life more positive has been doing lots of meditation +writing lots of songs and poetry to help understand my anxieties, and celebrate them.

The thing that has helped the most with my gender dysphoria has been coming out to my friends and finally finding like-minded trans and gender fluid friends, Then hanging out with them as much as I'm able.
The more time I surround myself in the real world with real trans people that I get on with not just for being trans, the more I naturally start seeing this as a positive and as normal and not something to be ashamed of.

I'd buried it all away inside myself but then worked with a genderfluid theatre director. We became friends and then this past year has been an incredible adventure, hanging out with her friends and meeting new people. It's not all roses and smooth sailing, but I'm learning to accept myself more and more as time goes on.

Before that I'd felt so trapped, as even when I used to go to trans events everyone was a few decades older and had nothing in common with me apart from being trans.

I also have a cabaret act that gives me a chance to be super glamourous if I want, or mostly to just be myself onstage and pretend its a costume if I feel insecure. I don't know if that's any help.

[Violets]

After a failed transition of sorts in my mid 30s, I decided to once again try to live with these feelings and live as a man. Whilst I fully accepted I was trans, my motto was "Whilst being trans is not a choice, it IS a choice what you do about it". I was absolutely determined not to transition and to fit into society as was expected. By this stage I'd had some breast growth from being on HRT for 18 months, so against my better judgement, I had a bilateral mastectomy and nipple reduction... something I now bitterly regret. I have a strong will, and I thought I could cope with the trans feelings on my own, but how very wrong I was. Fast forward a decade or so and I was slowly imploding. The depression was crippling, my anxiety was through the roof, I had insomnia, and I was slowly losing the will to live. I felt like I was just existing but not actually living. Something had to give!

There is one thing life has taught me; no matter how much you will it to be different, these feelings NEVER go away and whilst you may not need to fully or socially transition, you must take some steps to reduce the torment. Many find long-term relief with low dose HRT or even just blockers, whilst some need to go further. There's a whole spectrum of us in the trans community and there is no one size fits all solution. I'm now on a transitional dose of HRT, am permanently removing the beard and am growing my hair out; Still no social transition though. The relief from taking these steps has been huge, but only time will tell if this is enough to tame the dysphoria for good.

[JLT1]

I think this thing we call gender dysphoria is in some ways unique to each individual.  I know that some have it "worse" than others. But "worse" is person specific.  I know that some don't transition and are very happy.  For some it gets worse with time, for others, it doesn't.

Go to where you are happiest and live there.  Be yourself. 

Hugs

Jen

[stephaniec]

for me personally the only thing that could of saved me was estrogen. I had wanted it since grade school and it took way too long to get it . but I made it and all is good.

[Charla]

I tried for a long time to be a man in both body and mind.  After 60+ years of staying in a rut, I am ready to move to another stage. Like many have said, the feelings don't go away.  To the younger readers- don't wait! Get counseling and make the move to whatever gender you want to be.

[Mariah]

For me it wasn't. It was gradually killing me, but yes some are able to do exactly that and be happy. As has been said, i differs for everyone though. Hugs
Mariah

[PrincessButtercup]

I really need to know, is it possible for someone to be happy and to cope with their dysphoria without transitioning? 

Like by getting therapy, etc.? 

Not denying that they are trans, just coping with the feelings that causes them and being ok with who they are, in the body they are born in, or at least getting by and being overall mostly happy?

We're still in the early stages of everything here. But my husband has opted not to transition for several reasons. He says he doesn't feel like he needs to go to that extreme. So far, just being able to admit it to himself has been a huge step forward. There's still many steps to take to figure out where his happy balance lies, but that's what the therapist is for - to be that unbiased guide to self-discovery.

My point is, it's up to the individual to decide the pros & cons of everything and determine how far they need to go to be happy with themselves. Every journey is different.

[Ashley3]

I really need to know, is it possible for someone to be happy and to cope with their dysphoria without transitioning? 

Like by getting therapy, etc.? 

Not denying that they are trans, just coping with the feelings that causes them and being ok with who they are, in the body they are born in, or at least getting by and being overall mostly happy?

Yes but I think it's important to qualify it is unhealthy to seek affirmation of that sort of idealistic potential (that "Yes" one can avoid the typical paths) if the underlying motive to do so is an unhealthy fearful response to an otherwise healthy direction of transition exploration for oneself or others. Understanding "Yes" should not be used as a way to obfuscate an effort to convince oneself or others against what would otherwise be healthy in the long run. I say this without inferring anything about you (OP), just that I personally feel it's critical for me to offer this clarification when considering the potential ideal of Yes.

Frankly, I don't think there's transition as much as transition exploration, so if you arrive at "Yes" per above, I'd have to ask if you really avoided transition (exploration)? Likely not. IOW, we all do things to get somewhere which works for ourselves. We talk about transition in connection with GID, but really all people are dealing with transition of some kind, and people make decisions along the way. So you're really just asking if you can heal issues relating to GID in other possible ways than the stereotypical ways. I believe yes do whatever seems right to live the most healthy fulfilling authentic life, life to its fullest.

I'm not suggesting not to seek help from a good caring therapist should you honestly realize you might gain from having one. I'm also not advocating for excuses to remain unhealthy due to fear or ignorance or the like. That's probably clear but the clarification seems good to make. There's a time when trained or experienced peers are essential but they can come in many forms (i.e., therapy, forums, friends, introspection, nature walks, many other things). In transition exploration, there's no rule book on where good ideas or influences for positive change must come from. Such rules would be silly self-imposed human limitations. We have enough of the latter.