Well I am lying in the hospital at this stage because I lost my mind and was stupid and tried to kill myself by drinking poison.
As I am lying on this har cold hospital bed I am taking stock of my life,love life, my screwed up marriage and my absent wife that hates me for well being an ->-bleeped-<-.
Well I realized that is just the problem when I try to be male it is so unnatural. The man she thought she fell in love with was a woman after all and she can't take that reality.
I am sitting and wondering where do all this crap come from?
I realized well it is because I am trying to fit the woman that I am into a small shell of a man. I think the shel bursted into pieces today because I don't fit anymore. The shell bursted into pieces a couple of times in the past but I tried to pick them up and glue them back together and got back on the man wagon. But the more that shell broke the smaller and harder it got to fix the shell. Also the more pieces went missing and that is exactly just what being male is to me a shell. Something that I put up to fit in blend in,do the right thing.
But look where supposedly doing the right thing is getting me.
I am tired of fighting against life,forcing love, trying to get someone to love me. I realized the more I fight where life is taking me the more I will end up in hurtful situations. The more I fight the road of life the worse it will become. I must start accepting what I am and where life is taking me be that divorce and finding new love. I will own the ->-bleeped-<- that I made and own every second that this life can give,be it from a hospital bed.
I am who I am I am Amoray I can't deny it anymore. I am done fighting life and trying to mold it into what I want it to be.
