i had an account here once a few years back, but i don't remember it much and some things have probably changed since then, so i thought it best to just start over rather than track down my old information. i hope that's OK.
i'm not great at introductions, but basically i came back in hopes of finding a place where i could talk openly about all these gender-related things. i also came seeking any sort of advice anyone was willing to offer, as i have a lot of concerns and don't know how to address them.
feel free to ignore the following wall of text, but for those interested, my "story" below:
while it has taken me some time to accept this fact, i am FTM and in desperate need to transition. the dysphoria is somewhat crippling and seems to get worse by the day. unfortunately, all forms of transition that would require money or transportation (which is to say, everything beyond "coming out" to friends and family) are impossible for me at the moment.
i'm trying to get my financial aid figured out so i can start school, if not by this semester then hopefully by summer or fall semester at least. i need to move to another town in order to do this, but i don't have a job or a car, and can't afford the insurance to get my driver's license.
i'm currently staying with a family member who does not charge me rent, for which i am grateful, but my family has made it evident that they don't want to help me with my goals in any real way. they mentioned helping me get my license, but keep putting it off (and even if i had one, it wouldn't get me a car to drive or money to make payments--a moped would be a lot more practical for me, but they don't want to do that).
i have tried to get jobs, but with no luck. the last time i worked was a year ago, for four months. then i was laid off on new year's eve and not rehired despite going for an interview as soon as possible. my lack of job experience makes it even harder to get hired, and now that i'm planning on moving (within a month, if all goes well for school), i've had to put my job search on hold. the only money i have is what remains of my earnings from the few months i had work. it's enough to either stay for a few weeks in a hotel while i wait to get into an apartment using my financial aid (if possible), or to get the moped so that i can actually get there... but not both. and it's running out bit by bit as i buy my own groceries, clothes, and other necessities. i try to sell things or petsit for family members from time to time, but it isn't really enough to keep me afloat.
so i'm really stuck where i'm at for now, as far as i can see.
transition-wise, i don't even really know where to begin. i have tried looking it up, but resources in my area are few, and clear information is even harder to find. the nearest doctors i could find that would offer hormone treatments are a 2-hours drive away, but even if i managed to get transportation there, i couldn't begin to cover the costs unless it was all covered by my insurance (i have a form of BCBS, i think, through my spouse's job--and he and i live in separate states at this point, so he can't help me with any of this, either).
i don't know if i need to see a therapist of some kind before seeking physical treatments. i really don't want to. i have already talked to 2 different counselors/psychologists about various things (namely depression and anxiety, which surprise surprise are largely rooted in my gender dysphoria). both of them were aware of me being transgender, and one of them stated that i could use her as a reference if needed--though this was several years ago and i don't know if i can even find her contact information by now.
so if anyone does have any suggestions, that would be wonderful, and i am happy to answer any kind of questions.
but even if all you can offer is a friendly presence or a listening ear, i appreciate that just as much.
