This is the best online forum I have ever joined

[Adena]

Wow, just wow. I can't believe I am here. I'm a biological male who has suppressed his / her feminine or androgynous feelings for many years. Recently though, and I don't know why I started acting out what I felt inside (for the first time since I was much younger). First it was wanting to buy extra colorful men's underwear and then I started buying women's panties, camisols, bras (to pretend I had those wonderful boobs). (Gosh I can't believe I'm talking about this online, but you guys are such a wonderful group.)

I don't know what I am going to do going forward, but you guys have all been so helpful to me already by reading your stories, your advice, your support for others. I've always felt at least partly more attached to what's suppose to be feminine traits than what is suppose to be masculine traits. I don't know what steps I want to take yet but I'd love to be at least more soft and feminine in appearance to match my feelings of what I am. Full transition to female seems like a bridge too far even if I were sure that is where I would feel most at home - just involves way too much stress on everyone around me, I think one has to be very strongly oriented to take the full transition plunge. Maybe I can find some middle ground, we'll see (wish I could have nice breasts, but society won't accept you then unless you go ahead and transition all of the way to female - and I sort of feel like that's forcing me into another box where I have to conform to all of the female norms - just as stressful as having to conform to all of the male norms in my mind).

Thank you guys, you have helped me not feel weird about all of this stuff and to accept myself as I am.   This is a whole new world to me meeting all of you online because I never really thought about being transgender, androgynous, or whatever and never really paid attention to all of this - until now.  I am so glad to hear of your many success stories and so sorry to hear of all of the pain many of you have had to endure, but hope I can contribute in a small way to help some of you through those times.

With all of my love,
Denali

p.s. - Whew! I can't believe I came out and did this! But it feels good to do so.

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. There is one important rule you should follow and that is don't stop looking for where you belong until you know you have found happiness. Far to many people on this site have aborted attempts wasting even more years of their life fighting their feelings when they could have been happy. It's possible you might be a cross dresser or you might be like me and be transsexual. That is for you to decide.

Don't let fear of other rule what you decide. This has to be what you feel inside. When you have found yourself, let us know and we will help you reach your goal. As you are still unsure of where you fit, I suggest you go to youtube and request "the transition channel". This is a series of videos based on therapy that will help you determine where you fit in the transgender spectrum. Feel free to ask me any questions you might have on this thread.


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[V M]

Hi Denali 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[stephaniec]

yes I totally agree

[Adena]

Thanks for the warm welcome, much appreciated!

Amazing timing - I came out here last night and today and our son tells us he's gay.  I know it's a different thing, but now that I am more in touch with my gender dysphoria it's so unbelievably easy for me to be cool with that. Probably I should have guessed it by now, but I have a tendency to overlook things. We're going to have dinner together today, really looking forward to seeing him.

Love,
Denali

[Dena]

It may not be as much to chance as you think. The  current theory is that there are several changes to  the human body/brain and they are sex hormone related. Exposure to the wrong sex hormone at a critical time in development causes TG, Intersex and the last time I checked can cause one to be gay. While not proven, there may also be a genetic component to this because we have cases of TG running in the family on this site.

Enjoy your dinner because I think you will be having a very interesting conversation.

[Adena]

Thanks so much for the insights Dena! I feel so blessed because it really feels to me like God has prepared me perfectly. Yes this is going to be quite interesting....

Mod Edit -No references to the security used on the site.

[gennee]

Hello Denali and welcome to Susan's. I'm happy that the site has helped you.

[Adena]

Thanks Gennee. Had a nice time with my Son tonight, great the way things have worked out with him.  Wish everyone could have such a smooth pathway with family when members step out of the "standard" binary gender rows.

[stephaniec]

I wish someone would ask me a Bot question.

[SamKelley]

Hi Denali,

I've just joined too and only realised I'm transgender 5 months ago. I just wanted to say I love your message and your humility. After 5 months trying to work out what I'm going to do, I've decided to transition, but only because I feel that's being true to myself.

You mentioned God - while I'm sort of an amalgam of religions these days, I try to follow the path of "Know thyself" first and foremost, always trusting that Heaven's got a plan for me, never knowing what that might be exactly.

P.S. out of interest about 1/4 of my relatives are on the LGBTI spectrum.

It's an amazing step admitting it to yourself. Blessings! xox

Sam

[Deborah]

Maybe I can find some middle ground, we'll see (wish I could have nice breasts, but society won't accept you then unless you go ahead and transition all of the way to female - and I sort of feel like that's forcing me into another box where I have to conform to all of the female norms - just as stressful as having to conform to all of the male norms in my mind).

You'd be surprised.  For now I'm kind of rejecting everybody's norms and just living with what makes the dysphoria go away.  I forced myself into a hyper male mold for a lot of years and at this point I just want to be me and not start all over trying to fit yet another stereotype.  So far it's working and for peace of mind I leave all future options open to let this all go where it needs to go so that I never drop back into that black pit of living despair.  I live and work in a very religiously, culturally, and politically conservative place and this "rejection of norms"  hasn't resulted in any societal rejection at all.

And welcome to the forum!  :-). This really is a great and loving place.


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[Obfuskatie]

There are some places in the world where genderqueer, two-spirit, genderfluid, and androgynous people are more welcome. Portland Oregon, Austin Texas, and San Francisco Bay Area California have rather large support networks for trans people and is more safe to be out in than some.
Whether you decide to transition in any capacity, remember that you're still going to be you. The things that make you you, will follow you through your transition. And it's ok to retain some of you masculine traits. It isn't all or nothing.


     Hugs,
- Katie
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[Adena]

I get very emotional (in a good way) reading all your helpful and loving comments.

Obfuskatie - great ideas to think about, and it's indeed a possibility that we could move to a better environment at some point. Yes, I think what I hate the most is having to conform to  a bunch of society norms and I realize the gender strait jackets really bother me (someone asked somewhere if you could push a button and be instantly be a cis female would you do it - well maybe if you put it that way, but the idea of going the whole way through the mtf gauntlet is I think scary to me not just for the normal reasons of how hard it can be on relationships but because I'm also scared of all I have to do to please people that I fit well in the box as a trans female). And having now finally come around to start meeting and interacting with folks that share a lot of the same or similar sorts of characteristics and are accepting of me as I am - well it's an almost overwhelming, deeply moving experience for me.

Deborah - I admire your courage to be yourself and not to be controlled by what others think, I hope I can be courageous too!  My world is full of all kinds of people regarding religion or worldview and politics. I'm one of those seemingly few remaining people in society that wants to see good in everyone Christian / Jew / Muslim / Agnostic / Atheist or Republican / Democrat / Independent / Socialist which ironically doesn't always make it easy to get along because people want to put you in religious and political boxes too (you guys seeing a pattern here?) I'm just by nature a peacemaker, a compromiser, a diplomat. 

SamKelley - Yeah I suppose I'm religious in the sense that I believe there's got to be a Creator of the world (I am a real Nature lover, and seeing the beauty of the natural world gives me a lot of peace and makes me feel close to God) and I choose to believe that He (or She if you prefer) cares for us and that most of suffering comes from what we do to each other, but probably should leave more discussion of that for the Spirituality forum.  This is how I found a reason for living when I was younger and I've never lost that.

Regarding LGBT family ties - My son and I discussed this a bit. Indeed, we believe there are other gay members in our family. There's someone in particular that has never ever discussed it with the rest of the family but the signs are strong. And when you are gay, as my son is, you can pick up those signs quickly in others. Which brings up an interesting point - if you are gay you can choose to keep it as private as you want. But if you are to do a full ftm or mtf transition you have to be public about it because the exterior changes are obvious. BTW - I'm really interested to see if we can find genetic links to some of the LGBT orientation people have.

I hope the day will come when we can all see all of us in all our variations (not just conforming male or female) as wonderful creations worthy to be celebrated!


Love all of you,
Denali

Mod Edit - No Mention of the Capche questions

[Devlyn]

Hi Denali! Welcome to Susan's Place! I'm up near Boston. I'm one of those genderqueer, two-spirit, genderfluid, and androgynous people!    Looking forward to seeing you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

[Adena]

Thanks Devyln!

xoxo

Merry Christmas,
Denali