How much does your spouse influnce what you wear

[LizK]

I started a thread a while back about what you wear to bed and as part of that thread I noticed a few people having a similar issue that I have, in that my partner seems to have an issue regards anything too lacy/Girlie. Things like underwear, or nightwear presented a real problem for my spouse, until she realised I wasn't talking about a lacy sexy baby doll nightie but more like a plain nightshirt with a giraffe on it or similar on it. Interestingly I have a number of pieces of clothing that are very feminine or could be called girly, that my wife doesn't seem to bothered about.

Even when they bought me t-shirts for my birthday they were all very much towards the androgynous stile and colours. Yes they were women's tops but they could easily have been men's. I have no problem with androgynous clothing as long as it does not persist like this. I have again asked for clothes for Xmass but been much more specific about what I want.

What I have noticed is an overall aversion to anything to overtly feminine and that I am always been shoved towards the less girly stuff, the more masculine colours or styles. I really don't mind at this stage too much as I am still learning what I like. I am hoping over time this issue will die a natural death just like the rest of them. I think it is understandable that it takes a bit of time before my family are comfortable with purchasing different things for me. It can not be an easy thing for them to do so I need to make allowances for this. I am not that flush with money so it is important, what ever clothes I get I like as that is what I will be wearing for the next few months or until I get to my goal weight and can buy some new clothes.     

Do you feel your spouse tries to influence you to choose a more androgynous look.? Does your spouse have any kind of aversion to you wearing certain types/styles of clothing? What do you think causes all this discomfort for them?

Sarah T

[Peep]

My bf doesn't care what I wear (as long as I don't steal his clothes!) but when he misgenders me in speech (idioms like 'that kind of girl' etc) he always corrects to gender neutral ('that kind of ... person')

But because I'm not out, no one's using male pronouns for me anyway, and I haven't officially asked him to, so it doesn't bother me (yet)

[JLT1]

At first, my wife was buying me androgenious clothes.  As time went on, she switched to loose fitting woman's clothes. Now, she buys nice professional stuff. 

I keep hoping for some sexy stuff.... I seem to have to buy that.

Hugs

Jen

[suzifrommd]

I tend to wear more flamboyant clothes than my ex would be caught dead in. She would never wear skinny jeans or a skirt above the knee. She doesn't disapprove exactly, but goes out of her way to let me know that she wouldn't have made those choices.

[sparrow]

My wife has a pretty healthy attitude about this.  Her attitude is "you're going to wear that out of the house?  it's your funeral..." My problem has been getting her to share sartorial advice -- I ask if an outfit works and she's supportive, where I want her honest critique.

She used to fly into conniptions any time I dressed femme at all.  Especially when I wanted to go out in public.  On the other hand, she got a kick out of it, so I got an equal but opposite reaction in the mix.  She remembers the positive, I remember the negative.   I guess we're only human.

[Hannah.Emma]

My wife is very supportive of my Trans issues.  She shops for both of us and is helping me invent my style.  She will point out clothing she thinks I will like and get me things.  I dress a lot like her but we do have done differences.   I am a bit more modest.  She and I are about the same size, so we share a lot.

[Dee Marshall]

My wife is much like yours. When we go shopping she will look at men's clothes and say I need something new. I reply with "I don't need THAT." She also prefers me androgynous.

[Lara1969]

My wife thinks I found my style, sometimes It is too girlie. But for my boy friend love my style.

In the office I wear conservative clothing, a sheath dress and pumps or so. It depends on the occasion. Jeans and blazer is also okay.

[Jenna Marie]

My wife helped a lot in the beginning when I was still learning about what worked for me. These days I mostly have my own style, and it's not the same as hers, which is basically what we expected would happen. (Actually, I just helped her pick out a nice interview outfit, so it goes both ways now. )

She never tried to limit what I wore because it hurt her - even though sometimes I could tell that it *did* hurt her - but she would occasionally suggest that, say, wearing the hot pink low cut cocktail dress to Starbucks might get me some odd looks. Luckily I got over that phase quickly...

[Lyndsey]

Hi All
My spouse left me in the dust, and never looked back she said she can't be a lesbian. She loves me so much but can't and will not live like that. 

Lyndsey

[Sydney_NYC]

My spouse (she is a gender fluid, pansexual tom boy) has been helpful and I'm more femme than she is. I've found my own style which is different than hers but she will tell me an outfit looks nice on me or if it just doesn't work for me. I give her more advice on clothes when it comes to dressing nice. (That the only time she sometimes is on the femme side, but it's not that often.) I have 3 skirts and 3 dresses, leggings and lots of lacy tops. She has one skirt (for funerals only and the last 3 she didn't wear it), no dresses or leggings and one top with lace. She does have a lot of women's slacks, jeans and business jackets.

[iKate]

At home I really don't wear skirts and dresses much but I don't think it's really her who influences me. It's more that pants are easier to work with when doing housework. I do go to work in skirts and dresses (and pants sometimes) and come home dressed in them.

She has largely gotten over my dressing feminine and since I'm full time I really think nothing of it. We are over as a couple anyway and have zero romantic involvement.

[JoanneB]

Generally speaking, I do go out of my way somewhat to appease my wife. In my defense, with her being nearly/totally suicidal over her health issues I don't want to be straw to break the camels back. I dance on the edge of many knives

Practically speaking these days I cannot do part-time as I was. Plus not worrying about my hair makes life easier at times I also absolutely cannot not see a fairly full presentation of Joanne, of the true me.

My compromise is maybe as great as hers, though I doubt it. I signed up for this, she didn't

[sparrow]

Even when they bought me t-shirts for my birthday they were all very much towards the androgynous stile and colours.

I came out to my mom in November, and she's super transphobic but really loves her son child and wants to be supportive... so he wants to buy me clothes.  So I begged her not to buy me clothes for christmas.  I asked for gift cards to stores I liked (mostly dept. stores) that she wouldn't flip out about (like, forever 21).  My darling wife actually suggested that my in-laws buy me a women's shirt because it's got a similar cut to another shirt that I like.  I'm not out to them. 

Turns out that this was a wise call... I later discovered that my coming out plan was rash, and I'm aiming for more of a butch look right now.  As my wardrobe is devoid of men's clothing, that'll mean buying work duds that won't out me and won't make me too dysphoric.  I honestly don't think I can make it 4 months.  I've been out of the closet too long to go back in that long... it terrifies me.

[Debra]

Yes, before I came out my ex had a hugeamount of pull on what I wore (even though it was only at home).

We used to bargain about how much I could dress and I'd give her things she wanted....even bargaining company bonus money or tax return money to get what i want. Kinda funny to think about now.

When we finally broke up and I transitioned, she had no say whatsoever

But on the other side of that, my husband has some say in what I wear and I do try to wear some things to please him...but it's pretty easy considering we both have similar taste in women's clothing.

[sparrow]

*sigh*  In the end, my mom bought me the most masculine women's shirt she could find.  Merry christmas, mom, your begrudging acceptance has been noted and forwarded to the appropriate department.

[WaterGirl]

I found a cute blouse (for me) but I knew my wife would look beautiful in it. Luckily we are the same size, I gave it to her for Christmas. She loves it.


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[Lyndsey]

Hi All

I don't worry about what my spouse says because she is gone. She left me way before I transitioned in 1990
It has and will alway be a Blessing that she is gone. 

Hug's
Lyndsey

[SmileyRiley]

My boyfriend has helped me so much in this area. We were together when I was still identifying as a male, and he's only dated women before me, so he is very excited about getting me outfits he thinks I'd look good in, and I usually love the clothes he picks.