catching train next month. Unsure if I should tell family the truth.Trigger Warn

[J-Sada]

Please. We love you. THEY love you. Reconsider.

[Laura_7]

I appreciate your concern but quite frankly my decision is set in stone at this point.

Transition is not a realistic option for me. I'm afraid I would only be solving one problem and gaining a bunch of new ones. I would lose everything. Family, friends, employment, financial security, my hopes and dreams for the future. Everything. I'm not mentally strong enough to endure that.

I have come to the realization over the years that I could never be happy as I am now, but I also know I would not want to live a life of loneliness, extreme poverty, and fear of violent discrimination every day.

Like I said before, what I am still undecided on is whether or not to out myself to my family post-mortem. Discovering that I was trans in addition to my death would probably make their grief even worse, but I also don't want them to have to wonder for the rest of their lives why I made the decision that I did. I suppose I could come up with a fake reason for my suicide like general depression, but even that would be a shock to them because as far as they know I've always been normal and happy.

I just don't want to hurt my family any more than necessary. I really wish I could make my death look like an accident.

I guess I could also word the question this way: If you were in the closet, and learned that you only had a month to live, would you come out? Would you want your loved ones to know the real you, or to ultimately remember you as they always had?

You are basing your life on a view in the rearview mirror.

You can not look at the future through the rearview mirror.
It is anticipating things will go on as they used to do.

But they do not.

Look what happened the last few years.
There are transgender models on the first page of magazines.
Gay marriage is common, a thing even a few years ago people said is not possible.

Worldwide people in BRICS countries demand peaceful solutions and equal sharing of resources...
as Ghandhi said... there is enough for everyones needs but not everyones greed...
well people and countries demand peaceful and fair solutions...

look at dropping prices of commodities and gas, a complete impossibility in times of more and more printed paper money...
this is the first time in recorded history... there are people trying to fix the economy, and there are more and more people waking up...
the phase now will not last forever, it will get better eventually... its an exponential development, and its not stoppable. The internet makes people educated... as someone said, a mind once stretched by a new idea never regains its original dimensions...
I see things getting better eventually... as someone said, the future will be bright...

hold on and take it one more day, one more week, one more month...
it will get better, and look for the roses along the way... there are small things that can be enjoyed... like the sun on the skin... they just have to be consciously seen...

and nobody gets more than they can chew... find a way, keep on dreaming... there will be a way to realize your dreams eventually...

you see there are others in similar situations... well there was a way eventually...

have hope, have some dreams...


big *hugs*

[iKate]

Transition is not a realistic option for me. I'm afraid I would only be solving one problem and gaining a bunch of new ones. I would lose everything. Family, friends, employment, financial security, my hopes and dreams for the future. Everything. I'm not mentally strong enough to endure that.

Babe, you have quite a crystal ball there.

I did not have an easy road and as a friend called me, I'm still a "baby trans" but there has been a lot of good with the bad.

I may never talk to my dad again. Ever.
Some of my friends have said the most hateful things.


But you know what?

I'm happy as myself. I'm natural. I'm ME.
My fear about job prospects and employment has been overblown. Work not only loves me and wants me to stay, I get offers pouring in.

Even my dating life has good prospects.

In the end the peace away from constant pounding of feeling incongruent with my own body is priceless.

The lesson here is that there is always hope.

Consider the practical aspect - if you kill yourself now, would people have known the authentic you? Nope. They would have known him, and him only. That, to me, is a net loss.

Seriously, don't do it. Call a lifeline. Hell, talk to me if you want. If you want some good practical advice as in how to get your transition rolling, people here are more than happy to help...

[Dena]

I understand saying your decision is set in stone but you still have a few days to talk with us and what if we come up with  a solution where you can have it all? Susan's is a very special place where others are facing pretty much the same decision that your are. They are unable to transition for one reason or another but they have found a way to live in their birth gender but still remove the pain from their life. A treatment need not end in a full transition or surgery and if you are motivated enough, there are other solutions.

What is causing you the discomfort in your life is the testosterone in your system. If it is eliminated, your discomfort can be greatly reduced. This can be accomplished with drugs we call blockers. They result chemical castration without the feminizing effects. They are normally used in treatment to make the opposite genders sex hormones more effective but they can be given by themselves or with a low dose of the opposite genders sex hormones. We have several people who have used this approach to remain in the male role without a transition. Depending on where you live, it may be easy to access this type of treatment.

You need to be very careful what you read on the internet because the transition rarely destroys your life. Professionally I am a computer programmer and have worked at it before and after my transition. I not only paid for my medical care, but I own a house and have retirement savings. I still share time with my family and I never have been assaulted physically or verbally. There is a thread on this site I may dig up latter where people list their professions and many of the people are in responsible high paying jobs after their transition or while they are still in the process.

I have had others close to me pass away several times. My father, brother and a roommate I have known for over 30 years are among the the others. Death is never easy for the living and the thought comes to mind all the time "if only I could have". Not knowing and knowing but not having the opportunity to make a difference in your life will leave your family with just as much pain. You have a simple birth defect. You were born to be the way you are and nothing can change that. It isn't a personal weakness and the only way to cure it is medical intervention of some form. If you explain this to your family and they are as loving as you think, they will accept you and help you get better. If they reject you, you will have a clear conscious. This is far more than you will have by going to your death because the money will be a very poor replacement for you in a loving family.

Your final question is loaded. If I had no control over my death, of course I wouldn't tell them but that's not true of you. In your case, I would want the family to have the option of accepting or rejecting me for what I am. If they accept me for what I am, I would have a far richer life. If they were to reject me, it's their problem and not mine. I also made this decision for my self many years ago before coming out. I decided if my family totally rejected me, I would continue to live and seek treatment. My family didn't reject me and I have family, a comfortable life, people accept me for who I am and I enjoy getting out of bed each day to see what the new day has to offer.

Take the time you have left to explore the other options we offer. Susan't isn't a place that offers only one solution and it's very possible we can offer you a long and happy life.

[Madison (kiara jamie)]

what would happen if you came out to your family and they supported you unquestionably?

what if they said they all knew something was going on but didn't push the topic, but were happy that you finally felt comfortable enough to tell them and that they would be there to support you in the future?

[Dena]

For your consideration. What others do for a living

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,194299.0.html

[WaterGirl]

RachelG you have a merry Christmas and stay safe. Don't do anything rash.
Hugs, Katie


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[RachelG]

I decided that I won't be telling anyone anything. Its better that way.

[Ms Grace]

I hope you've also decided to get some support and not harm yourself. Things may seem bleak and impossible right now but you can move through it on to something better.

[Adena]

There's always hope Rachel. We care about you even though we only know you from a few posts here.

Thoughts and prayers with you -

Love,
Denali

[stephaniec]

if  you  don't mind me asking , how old are you ?

[RachelG]

if  you  don't mind me asking , how old are you ?

22.

[Adena]

Rachel, you must know if you have spent much time here, and it looks like you have, that there are many of us that were suicidal at one point. Many of us have found ourselves and are living a life filled with hope now. Why did you want to tell us this?  Because if you want us to try to get you to grab a lifeline we are sure willing to do so.

It is not true that no one cares or that no one loves you as you are.

Love,
Denali

[cindianna_jones]

Rachel, you've already mapped out your intent well before your two year anniversary date. Start counting again. Another two years. Evidence has a habit of hanging about. No matter what you do, they'll find this reason to deny your benefit. Sorry.

Besides, we'd like you to hang around and get to know us. We'd like to get to know you as well. Many of us have been where you are. Give life a chance. K?

Cindi

[stephaniec]

22.

I just turned 64 this past November 17

[stephaniec]

I remember when I was 22 , I was a heavy drug abuser . I ended up in the hospital for an overdose, The only reason I didn't die was because I went to a bar after overdosing and went down and they got me to the hospital just on time. I had a bad habit of overdosing when I was between 19 and 23. I almost died a few times. I'm thankful I didn't die because even though I've had a hard life there  have been moments that have made it worth while.

[Rachel]

RachelG,

You are 22 and have so much to live for. I know how bad dysphoria is and Dena is right the T is the issue and low dose E can allow you to live and thrive.

The group I go to has a lot of members. When a new member comes and finally opens up they usually express how ashamed they are about attempting suicide. One of us will ask the group how many of us attempted suicide and we all raise our hands. The method you chose will be quick, painless and you will be unable to be brought back to life after 45 seconds. You will never know what could be ahead for you. I know men and woman your age that could only see their life better gone then living, They trusted those that wanted to help them and many are happy or at least working through the issues.

You owe it to yourself to try. See a gender therapist and if HRT is what you need then give it a chance. Give yourself the time to accept yourself and realize being trans is a curable birth defect.

If where you live is difficult for trans then move to an accepting place. If your family will not accept you then set boundaries and hold them accountable. If you explore who you really are you may just find a wonderful woman that just needs you to give yourself a chance.

Rachel

[notech64]

This is the only thing I can say to you He who runs away lives to fight anther day so live one more day

[DanielleA]

Hi RachelG. I was in a similar situation like yours only a few months ago. Except my reasoning was abandonment and I tried to overdose on panadol. Because I spoke to the people on this website I went to seek help. Afterwards my Mum and Dad met me at the hospital and we had a long heart to heart conversation. We are so much closer as a family now. I am not going to tell you what to do but I hope you get through this. and we are here for you.

[Dena]

There is something that has been rolling around in my mind since christmas.

I have shown that employment isn't a problem, you will not live in poverty. Society will accept you as shown by many of us transitioning to a new life. I know you have a good deal of fear but if you face it, it quickly passes. The only reason for doing this is the family and that's where the problem is.

You wish to leave a large amount of money to care for the family but if the family accepts you as many do, they would rather have you than the money.

If the family would reject you, why do you wish to leave them all the money?

You wanted to know if you should tell them, yes, while you are still alive. If they accept you, there is no reason to take your life. If they reject you go and live the life you were meant to live from the time of your birth.

There is nothing wrong with you that you need to apologize to anyone for or take your life for. Make the decision to live and see if you can find the joy of life that we feel.