How can you be an obvious transgender but still look female?

[Angélique LaCava]

I met a few guys at a bar the other night and they knew I was transgender before i even started talkin to them n before I told them but they said I make a hot girl. To me if ur obvious that means u look like a man but maybe by obvious people mean like your shoulders or Adam's apple.

[iKate]

Could be your voice, face, mannerisms or any number of things, even a bulge in your groin area if you're pre op. Narrow hips and wide shoulders could be a dead giveaway too. (this is in general, not relating to you specifically).

Hard to tell as pictures only tell part of the story.

Some guys could just be unsure and testing the waters too.

Who knows.

[Angélique LaCava]

One of them told me that I'm so pretty it's stupid that it  was my shoulders but that doesn't mean I'm obvious IMO.

[iKate]

One of them told me that I'm so pretty it's stupid that it  was my shoulders but that doesn't mean I'm obvious IMO.

Sorry to hear that.

Clothing choice has a lot to do with it too. I tend to wear V necks which de-emphasize my shoulders.

[Dena]

Shoulders are the reason I wear loss fitting tops with sleeves. On the other hand, my voice was a problem and nobody ever called me out.

[Angélique LaCava]

Sorry to hear that.

Clothing choice has a lot to do with it too. I tend to wear V necks which de-emphasize my shoulders.

I'm not the type that focuses on that type of stuff honestly. I wear Wat I like. I was wearing a dress that night that was a white tube top at the top a orange skirt with a flowing orange lace dress with a leg slit.

[Angélique LaCava]

They didn't really call me out on it. They asked me if I had the surgery n I said no n they all said dam n I said why u ask  n they said cause we wanted to hav sex wit u.

Edit: I honestly didn't know they knew till they asked that.

[stephaniec]

I must say that the big problem probably is that your in a small town and hang out at bars a lot from what I  gather and date a bit. It makes sense that a lot of guys your age do the same thing and have friends in different towns. There's probably a limited number of bars that guys go to looking for girls and I'm pretty sure because of your looks that your probably more known than you realize.

[RachelsMantra]

It doesn't seem conceptually incoherent to me that someone could see you and tell you are trans but also still perceive you to be a beautiful woman or to look female. I think this happens all the time. Trans women sometimes have their own beauty that is often unique and highly attractive to people.

[iKate]

I'm not the type that focuses on that type of stuff honestly. I wear Wat I like. I was wearing a dress that night that was a white tube top at the top a orange skirt with a flowing orange lace dress with a leg slit.

If you don't focus on that stuff then it makes sense that sometimes you will wear stuff that accentuates the wrong part of your body.

So it's a choice between wearing what you want and wearing stuff that complements your body shape. It sucks because you're restricted by how others see you. I know it would be nice to just throw on anything and walk out the house but people judge women primarily by appearance.

It's not unique to us. Cis women have to deal with it too.

Also it could be a combination of things, not just one.

Either you deal with it or you just don't worry and be free. Either one is a compromise. Depends on your priorities which one you choose. If blending in is your goal then you'd have to sacrifice a bit of freedom in what you wear. If freedom is your goal then you have to expect that some people will sometimes notice.

[JoanneB]

It doesn't seem conceptually incoherent to me that someone could see you and tell you are trans but also still perceive you to be a beautiful woman or to look female. I think this happens all the time. Trans women sometimes have their own beauty that is often unique and highly attractive to people.

I've known cis-women who were asked by guys in a bar if they are trans. So who knows. There were nothing about these women that hinted anything trans to me. But then.....

One time I was on a business trip to Thailand. Our rep there a young Canadian ex-pat who is married to a Thai woman and he's been living there a while. One night in Pattaya we wound up in a topless bar and there he was pointing out Lady Boy dancer after another. (BTW-He knew nothing about me) Since I privately considered myself something of a subject matter expert on this (I also had a history of dating trans-women) I was shocked. After getting a couple of hints from him I could see the subtle differences.

OK, you weren't dancing top-less, I hope. So how? My first thought was they already knew the rumor. Obviously you aren't shy about being open. Guys do spread rumors too. (One of my former favorite past-times at work. Always utterly amazing when they get back to you) Guess number 2 is something about how carried yourself or dressed was out of place. It might just have been nervousness or being a bit stiff.

[Angélique LaCava]

I've honestly noticed when I am stiff and nervous that no one knows but wen get comfortable people seem to know so maybe it is those small things such as my Adam's apple.

[sparrow]

I was visiting a friend at his work last week.  As it's a place I'd consider working, I aimed for a more masculine appearance... but not too far, because it's a company known for being open-minded.  I was cleaning up the espresso machine after I used it, and a woman came up behind me and asked if I was done -- I noticed that she was really quite close to me... essentially, treating me as female in terms of my personal space.  I looked her in the face and... well, I'm always on the lookout for people like us... and I ticked her off as "probably cisgender but maybe not."

Later on, I had an opportunity to see more of her.  Big shoulders, narrow hips... that changed my evaluation.  Later, I asked my friend how many transwomen he knowingly worked with.  Zero.  I didn't tell him that I'd seen three, because I don't want to out anybody.

There's nothing to be done for it.  I can't imagine the surgery involved in reducing a barrel chest to a narrow feminine one.  Maybe a pelvis can be replaced... but... ick.

[barbie]

You appearance does not matter so much in interacting with people at your work place or your town. Your personality is more important. Passing is virtually meaningless in interacting with your nearest and dearest.

Yes. Strange people sometimes suspect me as m2f transgender because of my height. I once faced a young girl who dared to ask me in the street whether I am transgender. My friends said to me that there is a nearby 'transgender bar' where m2f transsexual serve, and because of this, she probably could suspect of me.

An opposite also can happen. While having dinner with my colleagues, one said that he saw a beautiful girl at night in our university campus, wondering how this kind of beauty can even exist in this countrified university, but later he realized that she was me. Others questioned him how he could not recognize me even from a distance, as I have such a unique body figure. 

People recognize me so well. For example, I alone was once in Frankfurt airport for transition from Slovenia. There were thousand passengers from all countries around world with all kinds of colors and body shapes. Suddenly, one guy shouted me at my back in Korean, asking whether I am me. He was my old colleague, transitioning from Algeria and could recognize me among thousands of people just based on my posterior view at an unexpected place and an unexpected time.

barbie~~

[barbie]

I noticed that she was really quite close to me... essentially, treating me as female in terms of my personal space.

Yes. That is a signal that women recognize me as a woman. Even a few of them grasp my hands or touch on my shoulders. Even one woman once grasped the back strap of my bra to check whether I am a woman. I was perplexed, as I felt it was like sexual harassment.

barbie~~