Online Dating ???

[in.Chains]

I used OKCupid to find my girlfriend (or rather she used it to find me...) and I found it fantastic. Great options for gender and sexuality, option to hide from straight people!

I think in your specific situation, the best option is to let them know beforehand, but only when you're comfortable. It's not your obligation to tell them right away, and quite frankly, it's your choice, because you aren't lying about who you are. I never put that I'm trans on my profile for dating, I'd rather bring it up after getting a chance to talk to someone first. Best of luck!!

[OCAnne]

A girlfriend of mine told me that OKCupid lets you set a flag so that your account will be hidden from straight people...

How does it work?  I so much need that feature activated!
  Does this mean I pass?

[suzifrommd]

 

How does it work?  I so much need that feature activated!
  Does this mean I pass?

[Naomi71]

Hahaha, that looks just like the replies that I get on okcupid!

[Wednesday]

Given he is a scientist and a scholar the probability of physical violence looks small. Also probabilty of acceptance looks increased above the average. However having a date in a very safe and public space it's still worth. Even having some kind of protection device (ie pepper spray) looks reasonable.

Avoiding any emotional attachment to him before "coming out" sounds like a good idea. Being cautious and putting some emotional distance may diminish any perception of being "deceived".

Telling him after the first date may increase chances since he is gonna know more about you (this includes the very notion of perceiving you in person)  and this can decrease the relevance of being transgender when making a decision.

I don't think you're "lying by omission" since being transgender is not in any conflict with being a woman or presenting as a woman. The question about your sex assignation at birth has not been asked, so omitting does not imply "lying" or "deceiving".

Also there's no ethic nor moral obligation to give what can be considered strictly medical information. Its not like you have a disease than can be transmitted.

What you're doing is taking the risk of wasting your time on internet chatting and having a date in exchange of more chances to diminish the probable prejudices against "trans status".

On a side note, If you ask me I think that pointing out your "trans status" on your dating profile is a more cost-effective strategy since creeps, pervs and people just interested in sex are quite easy to screen and detect while people prejudiced against trans is not.

[Angélique LaCava]

I don't hav it on my dating profiles that I'm trans but I usually get these responses wen I tell them.

[Wednesday]

Yup, just telling after they contact you is a very efficient strategy too. It's very similar to pointing out your status on your profile; figuring out if they just go after sex is not rocket science.

[audreelyn]

Wow, thanks ladies for all of the great advice and concern

Good job OoAnne and Angelique for those great scoops into your dating apps!! Haha, so crazy... maybe I ought to do that from here on out. OkCupid does sound like a really good option if you can hide from straight people. It just seems to make sense to avoid a lot of unnecessary woes and filtering. I don't suppose there's a trans app at all, huh? The LGBT apps I've seen are rather small and don't really work.

Yes I am kinda attached already. I know this is bad, but I have already started to lower my expectations. I'll be taking Cindy's advice with letting people know where I'm at and to await a call from me before too long after the date. That sounds like a great idea. Telling him before... I really want to... I don't get clocked too often and it would suck to have that happen on a date, but I feel pretty comfortable with my appearance. I think it's a risk I'll be willing to take. He is quite the gentleman and I told him I would be paying for my own meal.

After this one, I will be changing my policy to dropping the TG status immediately as they match and message and see how that goes. Or just go straight to OkC. The dating pool on Tinder can be quite awful.

<3
Audree