Quote from: Amoré on January 06, 2016, 12:04:11 AM
I really don't want to divorce I don't know there is people that changes their minds in the divorce process but don't know if she is one of them.
...It is the death of my marriage and she murdered it.
Sometimes, for sure. I was of the understanding that the reason the divorce process is 'stretched out' over a period of time, is to give all involved plenty of time for reflection.
I've been thinking of the following, over the last few days, in connection with your posts. It's related to what the psychoanalyst Erich Fromm writes in his short book
The Art of Loving. Fromm makes the point, that it is fundamentally impossible to force or coerce another to genuinely love us. However, in spite of this obvious truth, Fromm considers this a fact most fail to fully comprehend and/or factor into their thinking or emotions, despite it being as immutable a law as that of gravity.
Therefore, there is only ever the possibility of eliciting love for ourselves (in another) via such factors (for example) as the development of our character, the consideration, empathy and care we are able to give to others, the level of our overall courage especially in regards to seeking out our own destiny and overcoming obstacles, etc.
Of course, even then, we might not fit another persons imagination, fantasy or intuition about what they are seeking for themselves, and so, even though love may be genuinely elicited in them, they still might not want to be or remain in a close union with ourselves. The latter being one of the psychological and emotional risks of entering into a relationship with someone.
I've always found Fromm's perspective to be profoundly invaluable, as it is the opposite of the inclination to always want or demand to 'know' how much another loves us and/or holding them responsible for not doing so. There's a huge freedom and a letting-go in the perspective as well. It's a very
decent book, imo and worth a read. Only takes a day.
