LOST AND FOUND, love.

[kalt]

Transsexual depression is a serious issue in the community.
The want of something better, the continual insecurity, the frustration and the self-hatred...

IT HAS TO STOP

Please understand that there is more to life than gender.  Please understand that you don't have to be a certain person to attain happiness.  If that were the case, how do you think fat people could ever be happy?

Please people, you are a bunch that walk a path that many people don't understand.  Don't make this harder on yourself.  As someone who's been through hell and back as many of you have, I know it gets better.  It doesn't get better by transition, it get's better by choice.

Life is about movement, about love, about what's natural.  Don't ever become overly obsessed with something.  When that happens, you've fallen into a single-minded trap.

Evaluate what in this life makes you happy.  Find out what doesn't make you happy.  Avoid using blanket statements.  Focus on the particulars like ice cream or panties or jerks with a 2 day shadow or telemarketers.  Take a walk in a park and drop some bread.  Turn around and look, you just made a difference to some (very grateful) wildlife.

Happiness is a choice.  It can't be bribed with promises of change.  It can't be granted by a set of religious beliefs.  It can't be bought by however much you have.  It is within you, and all you have to do is flourish in it.  Let go of the stresses, because one day they will be gone.

Most importantly friends, always take a step back when you're overwhelmed.  Next to planet earth, no problem seems that big.  Take a step back, sigh, spread your arms and smile!

Don't be beaten by what others think of who you are, how you look, or what you do.

Spread the love folks.

Post something that you're upset about.

Then post something that makes you happy.

Decide which one is more important to think about.
------------------------------------------------
I'm upset because I have this stupid ulcer in my mouth and I'm congested with friggin allergies and I've been putting up with a stupid drill instructor for an hour today who is paying me to train him but still wants to say that he knows everything despite my degree and certification.

I'm happy because I finished my homework and turned it in with an hour to spare, I have a mountain dew(even if it hurts the ulcer), and I made some amazing friends today.

I think I'll think about my mountain dew.
Yes, it's more important.

[gothique11]

Thnx for the encouragement.

At the moment, I really don't have anything that I'm unhappy about. Life is going good, and I just came back home from hanging out with a friend. Friends are good. I like my friends. This whole weekend was about hanging out with friends and having a good time. And then on Thurs I went out to the club, and that was fun, too. Dance the night away. LOL

[Christo]

yea that was a cool post.  thanx

[Berliegh]

A bit of a weird post especially about 'panties and ice cream'..........possibly some transevestite tendancies in there somewhere?

The theme was in the right direction though.......and we do possibly get a little obsessed with the transitional motivation rather than time out occasionally...

[kalt]

Thnx for the encouragement.

At the moment, I really don't have anything that I'm unhappy about. Life is going good, and I just came back home from hanging out with a friend. Friends are good. I like my friends. This whole weekend was about hanging out with friends and having a good time. And then on Thurs I went out to the club, and that was fun, too. Dance the night away. LOL

Oooh baby baby!
I can't wait till I can do clubbing... I still get carded at the doors and I can't ever figure out how to move my shoulders, feet, and hips in such a way that I don't make a spectacle out of myself.

Posted on: October 01, 2007, 09:01:35 AM

A bit of a weird post especially about 'panties and ice cream'..........possibly some transevestite tendancies in there somewhere?

The theme was in the right direction though.......and we do possibly get a little obsessed with the transitional motivation rather than time out occasionally...

Panties can make old men happy, panties can make any 5 yr old MtF happy too!

And Ice Cream happens to be the ambrosia of the GODS.
I bet you jesus is up there somewhere chillin out with Loki eating strawberry icecream right now!  Lucky pricks, I want some...

And you somewhat missed the idea here doll, it seems that the overwhelming majority of us ARE missing out on life all because of some gender issues.  While it's not a small matter by any means, nothing in life merits enough negativity to belittle all the other amazing aspects in life.

Now, I didn't get a wink of sleep last night because I got even MORE congested.  I was in bed with a towel next to me that I was blowing furiously into ever 2 minutes.  I realized about 1am that I pulled my right groin muscle horrible wrestling last night.  But, my happy thought is IBUPROFEN.  ^_^

[Kate]

Please understand that there is more to life than gender.

You'd think so, huh?

Didn't quite work out that way for me. GID has *always* defined my entire being. I've never known life without it. It IS me, it MADE me, I AM it.

Or well... WAS it

That is the definition of GID, IMHO: being obsessively aware of your gender/sex every second of every darn day because of the contradiction, the contrast. People without GID don't think about it because they're congruent - there's no contrast.

~Kate~

[kalt]

That is the definition of GID, IMHO: being obsessively aware of your gender/sex every second of every darn day because of the contradiction, the contrast. People without GID don't think about it because they're congruent - there's no contrast.

So, are you stating that it is impossible to have the deep-sated desire to be the opposite gender and be willing or already be undergoing steps to transition without being completely obsessed about it?

[Kate]

So, are you stating that it is impossible to have the deep-sated desire to be the opposite gender and be willing or already be undergoing steps to transition without being completely obsessed about it?

Uhm, I dunno? I'm just relating my personal experience of how I grew up. Draw your own conclusions

I've always been obsessed with this, with GID or whatever you wanna call it. *Everything* I perceived got filtered through the GID first... every song spoke to it, every movie was a metaphor for it, every poem described my gender angst. Every woman was a tease of who I could have been and needed to be. "Obsessed" isn't even a strong enough word... it IS me. GID is (was) the operating system of my soul, and everything else ran ON it, within that context.

But maybe that's just me

~Kate~

[kalt]

But maybe that's just me

That's just the thing Kate, it's not just you.
I know that most transwomen are like this.  It hurts me that so many people in a community I identify with are so blinded by one goal that they refuse to see anything beyond it.
I mean, how hard is it to let go for a few minutes each day?
Just because someone wants something very badly, doesn't mean she has to not enjoy a minute of life until she gets it.  That's like a 5 year old throwing a tantrum:-(

I mean, I work in a gym and I see some amazingly beautiful girls come in and out, I train some of them and I'm good friends with most.  I always have a mixture of being attracted to them and wishing I had that body for myself, but then I can turn around and smile at someone else and mean it too.

There's more to life than gender.  I just want you guys(or ladies) to understand this.  I want you to realize greater things.  I want you all to be happy!

[Seshatneferw]

It hurts me that so many people in a community I identify with are so blinded by one goal that they refuse to see anything beyond it.
I mean, how hard is it to let go for a few minutes each day?

Unfortunately, for some of us even that is just about impossible. GID isn't an on/off thing (just like gender itself isn't just a choice between a single stereotypical male and an opposing, equally stereotypical female). It's more complex than that.

Your GID, like mine, is mild enough that it is possible to enjoy other things in life, even if the gender issue is lurking somewhere in the back of the mind. We (and lots of others) are lucky that way -- from the tone of some writings here, it is clear that GID can in fact be so severe that the only way to be able to stop thinking about gender is transition.

Still, you have a point. A positive outlook is a good thing, so let's enjoy whatever we can, to the extent we can. Always look on the bright side of life...

  Nfr

[kalt]

GID can in fact be so severe that the only way to be able to stop thinking about gender is transition.

No.
It is not the want of being another gender that is that great, it's the lack of looking at anything else and choosing to let oneself become obsessed with this.
It's not about how mild or severe it is.  I think it's all severe to want to change genders.
It's the lack of effort to continue on, willfully maintaining healthy mental health that is crippling.

All it takes is a choice, and everyone has the power of choice.
Life isn't about what happens to you.  It's about how you handle what's given to you.

[Kate]

It is not the want of being another gender that is that great, it's the lack of looking at anything else and choosing to let oneself become obsessed with this.

Remember, I said I've ALWAYS been this way. I didn't "let myself" become obsessed with it. I was as obsessed at 3 as I was at 42. My GID never grew "worse" or stronger or more clear. It was just always THERE. There was no escape, no mind tricks to avoid it. It wasn't a "thought" per se, more like my background environment, my context.

That doesn't mean I cried every second of my life. I laughed at jokes too. I smiled at newborns. I admired sunsets. Yet there was *always a "yea, but... I'm not a girl" feeling appended to every experience, good OR bad.

Our experience of this is apparently different. I understand what you're saying, and I agree it's important to not lose sight of the sweetness in life while we struggle with all this. But nothing but nothing can completely overwhelm GID: no amount of love, no amount of success or money... nothing but transition (for some) can free up a life so it CAN be lived as it was truly meant to be experienced.

~Kate~

[kalt]

Remember, I said I've ALWAYS been this way. I didn't "let myself" become obsessed with it. I was as obsessed at 3 as I was at 42. My GID never grew "worse" or stronger or more clear. It was just always THERE. There was no escape, no mind tricks to avoid it. It wasn't a "thought" per se, more like my background environment, my context.

That doesn't mean I cried every second of my life. I laughed at jokes too. I smiled at newborns. I admired sunsets. Yet there was *always a "yea, but... I'm not a girl" feeling appended to every experience, good OR bad.

Our experience of this is apparently different. I understand what you're saying, and I agree it's important to not lose sight of the sweetness in life while we struggle with all this. But nothing but nothing can completely overwhelm GID: no amount of love, no amount of success or money... nothing but transition (for some) can free up a life so it CAN be lived as it was truly meant to be experienced.

~Kate~

Bravo.
That is the solution.
It's not to find an excuse to not transition, it's to not miss out on life because transition hasn't been completed yet.
^_^

[Doc]

It is not the want of being another gender that is that great, it's the lack of looking at anything else and choosing to let oneself become obsessed with this.

Aw, kalt, you mean well, but you are being a bit cruel, I think.

For many, it is not about 'the want of being another gender.' It's about the need to escape the pain of being the wrong one.

It's not like being miserable because you can't get that car or house or ice-cream cone and having a wise young lady come and say, "Smell the roses, that car's not the only thing in the world." More like having your hand in a fire and having somebody say, "Your hand's not the only thing in the world." When it's on fire, it is the only thing.

Certainly it's good for all of us to appreciate whatever sweetnesses in life we can taste, and certainly some people in the world do choose to focus on stuff that sucks when they could change their outlook a little and be a lot happier, but it's pretty harsh to suppose that everybody's like that.

Anyway, I tried to be happy with the cards I was dealt, and to not let my happiness depend on me being 'a certain person.' I try hard to enjoy life in spite of gender incongruity. I'm certainly better off than I would be if I didn't try, but it's still really hard. Some of the depressed people you are speaking to are really trying, and are as happy as they can be right now.