Dear Ladies and Gentlemen and everybody who is neither or both <3
Name is Jan, I am 30 years old, coming from Vienna and am on my way to change my body to fit my mind.
I am a weird transman who lives from his illustrations and tiny jobs that fits his tiny body. Also I really suck at introducing myself, as you can tell.
I've been sneaking around this forum for way to long, consumed like every more or less new reviews about prosthetics and currently feel like I know more about dicks than I know about my own mother.
I've been on my way for a year now , straight and with a lot of new impressions and emotions. Coming from a point of view where I was overweighted (160cm tiny and 90 kg heavy) and on a point I could not even look at me anymore, my journey kinda started because of a haircut. I am not kidding.
Tho I always was boyish, my whole life long, enjoyed dressing as a man and wearing costumes with facial hair, always was refered to as the "little boy" in my groups, I never tried to find out. I never dared to think about it. Being trans? Nah.
But not because I didn't want to be trans. I just thought I didn't deserve to be.
See the problem was: I liked my life. I love my life. I've been diagnosed with depressions and heavy anxiety disorder ever since I was a teen, I am on medics since I turned 20, and hell, even if it wasn't easy I LOVED MY LIFE. I have amazing parents, I have the most amazing friends in the world, I am engaged with my girlfriend, which I know for 15 years now and live together over 8 years. I am one lucky bastard. And even if my chest did bother me to a point where I tried to cut them off (I am "blessed" with 80 H cups, I am not kidding, thats more than freakin 2 kgs.) and even if I wished I was built differently down there, I didn't feel the incredible hate I thought I had to feel to define me as "trans enough".
Than I was gaining weight suddenly, no health reasons, just getting 25kg in no time. And suddenly I was wondering if something was still there in my mind. I went to the psychatrist and got some help.
I talked to people.
I researched.
And the moment I went down to the hairdresser and he gave me the MOST RIDICULOUS AND HORRIBLE hairstyle I've ever had, I had my first big breakdown since years. I run home and cut my hair short. Pretty Hollywoodesque right? Right. Because that was the moment I was released. I knew and I wanted to go on.
And hell it's the best thing I could have done.
I lost 15 kg in a year, I got myself a better back with sports, I bound my chest, I GREW and ppl noticed. BTW: why am I talking about weight so much? Not because I think big boys and girls are ugly, oh no, I actually love big girls so much. BUT it wasn't healthy. I gained so much weight in such short time that I had pain. And I never lost any weight until the moment I came out.
It wasn't easy. I am a doubtful mind. I doubt EVERTHING I do. I know that I am very enthusiastic and thats why I don't believe myself. But with all my doubt I was able to work with my psychatrist, I was able to learn so much and what should I say?
In March is T-Day.
I am so happy, I could hug the world.
Now thats my BLA. If you came through this wall of text: Congratz, you seem to be a patient person.
I thank you all for this Forum and I hope I can discuss with you and get even more informations.
Now have the best possible start into 2016, may it be the year for everybody to find even more happiness.
Thanks!
And sorry if my english sounds weird, I am no native speaker, but I learn
