Hi Friends!
Well its that time of the year. I've been on Susan's Place forums for about a year now, and would like to a year end review for myself.
As far as goals for being transgender this year, tbh haven't made much progress. It's a bit of a bummer, but I know next year will be better. Life got in the way and halted plans for me a few times over the year. I lost 2 jobs in a short amount of time. These unfortunate situations caused me to dig into the account and therefore I've had hardly any money saved. That's a goal to continue for next year if possible. I'm not giving up though. I can't really explain it to myself or others on why I'm this way. I question myself every second on whether I should do this or not. Someone on here pointed out that they have been on hormones for like 6 years now and have been living as a woman for the majority of that and she still questions if it was the right choice. So that does make me feel a bit better about myself. I just have a feeling deep down inside that this is the right path for me. I often make bad or poor decisions in my life, but this doesn't feel like it. It's a weird feelings for sure, most of you probably would agree. It's like being super excited and terrified at the same moment, like jumping out of a plane.
My weigh loss plan also went to hell around mid June to early July. I was doing actually pretty decent though. I had lost nearly 25 lbs which was half of my goal. So I'm excited to jump back on it for next year and keep the weight off permanently. The above mentioned job losses really impacted my eating style and the holidays haven't helped much either. Next year I will lose all 50 lbs and be healthier and better ready for starting transition.
As for buying/ starting a wardrobe, it's just wow. I don't know off the top of my head, but i'd like to imagine that I've spent probably at least $300 on clothing already. Though I've gotten a lot of stuff with discounts as well. I've spent a good deal on figuring out bra sizes that would fit me. I have a wide rib cage and heavy shoulders, so a lot of bras just don't fit well. I've probably got at least a dozen bras now. Maybe closer to 15. Only a about 5 fit really decently though. I've also got about 2 dozen panties, a few woman's jeans, some shirts, some heels, some boots. The goal now is make outfit purchases. I've seen somewhere describing that an essential woman's closet start up needs like 15 to 16 certain types that can be mixed together. I've got a picture somewhere, but I know what the list mostly includes. This year was more or less understanding what it's like wearing woman's undergarments and how sizes fit. I know I might have overspent on clothing, but what can I say? The woman in me just can't say no to deals lol
Make up is still a pain in the butt. I've gotten a bunch of stuff, mostly eye related or lipstick. I've gotten a little better at applying stuff. The eyes are so difficult to really master. Now I "watch" other woman when I go out and look at their faces and see what they do and how it looks. I can really see a difference on some woman on how much make up is really needed to make them look great. Some I've noticed put on too much when they have really nice faces, where other don't put enough on. My girlfriends are the latter one lol.
They are a bit lazy lol. I've found that I don't really need much the face itself. Once I start washing my face more and taking much better care of it, it should shine a lot better and clear up the oily spots. Getting the lipstick and eye stuff down will really make me pop more.
I've spent most of this year really learning a lot of transgender stuff and I've met a few trans friends in real life to who are helping and giving advice, which is awesome. One of them is going to transition with me, and we plan on doing the journey together. Which is really cool. Though they told me they really want to begin everything as soon as possible for next year. I had to tell em to hold on slow down a bit. I know I've seen and debated it a few times on here about the process and what speed you need to take for it. my opinion of my friend was that they were rushing into too quickly. They've never even gone out in public dressed up, hardly has money saved, hardly has any attire, or really spent much time looking up all of the processes or steps. I can say that I'm probably about the same boat, but I've been studying and learning as I go. I at least have a basic general idea about it, where my friend really doesn't. This is what worry's me about them wanting to jump right into everything. They simply just are not ready. That being said though, I want to help with them as much as possible so we can do it together. I know I can't hold them back for long, but a little more time is necessary to help make things easier. The goal I'd like to get us that we could perhaps start hormones at the end of the year or at least be very close once the new year starts. I'd like to start on the hair removals and see another therapist too. Also I need to start to learn how to feminize my voice too. Getting that far for me will make the difference. I can work around more around that. Than other stuff should come easier.
Lastly I'd like to close out and say how thankful I am to Susan and all of her staff for making this website a reality for people like me who are lost and know nothing about this stuff. It makes it super easy to understand the trans thoughts more so. Everyone on this website is so nice and wonderful. I wish I could meet all of you and just hug. Much love to you all. I Hope to use the website for a long as possible to not only better myself, but to help others for the future.
Hugs and kisses girls and boys! I love you all!
Sammi
