Hmm. I don't really have this problem of self identity. I know I'm a woman and I have no problems at all living as one. I can't even wrap my head about feeling fake once you reach the point of passing consistently but I guess it happens.
In fact I never really felt like a "man." Being a "man" was so at odds with who I am. The way I walked, talked and had emotions. I also did not have any emotional effects from HRT. So I guess I cannot fully comprehend those who make a drastic shift because I always was a woman. Maybe this mindset needs to be adopted too. You aren't transitioning, you're re-aligning. Transition is a process not an end goal, IMHO.
About the only thing I cannot resolve is wanting to be a reproductive female but so do many cis women. I just deal with it. Besides I have kids already and they are awesome.
So really it's all in your head... That's gotta be fixed with introspection and therapy because clearly resolving what is on the outside won't matter if what's on the inside isn't resolved.
Hormones and surgery can only fix so much. If you can't accept yourself then you need some therapy and self acceptance.
I think though that the name and gender change will go a long way. It has for me, especially at work where I am "Kate" and my gender is female in the employee records. My ID has my correct name on it which is a plus. During my work day I can encounter some transphobic people but I pass well enough that they don't seem to suspect that I am Trans.
I don't even think about it anymore though. I can't even remember the last time I've been clocked - by anyone - and that helps me tons.
I think that reaching the point where you just don't focus on Trans things will help immensely. I only stick around in the community because I like to pay it forward and I have experience with Yeson VFS and will be doing FFS and GCS soon so I would like to help people considering those things. But in general my daily life is that of a woman and not of a transgender person.
Food for thought.
