Rationalizing About Height

[almightymouse]

Hi Everyone,

I've found recently that I'm kind of ambivalent about my height, which I'm aware I can't change. I do want a realistic perspective on the problem of height, however.

To start, I'm 5 ft. 9.5. Whether to round up or down, I have no clue, so I'll just accept that I'm halfway between the two. Sometimes, it really frustrates me, yet sometimes I manage to cope with it. A lot of my opinion regarding my stature is mediated by what people have to say about it since, unfortunately, my desire to pass goes hand-in-hand with what people deem to be feminine (not what I myself picture as being feminine).

The other day, this guy who was talking to me online was going on about how attractive he thought I was (knowing that I'm trans), but once I confessed how tall I am, he stated that he just sort of assumes that girls that are 5 ft 7+ are transsexual. He insisted that so many of the stares I mention getting must be grounded in people trying to figure out if I'm transsexual because of my height. It really hurt.

I then tried rationalizing with him, telling him that super models and volleyball players are around my height. "Yeah, but they're supermodels and volleyball players, so it actually makes sense", he maintained. I then asked him if he has ever been to a city, where a six-foot-tall chick doesn't mean anything, and he said he lives in a huge metropolitan area. He stated that I must be surrounded by Amazonian women for people not to make a huge deal out of my height. Obviously, it hurt, because he had no problem with me being trans until I stated that I'm tall.

Yet, I start Googling things, and I encountered this "Ideal Female Height" forum, in which the first six posters all maintained that heights ranging from 5 ft. 9 to 6 ft. in females is very attractive "because legs".
My boyfriend obviously likes my height, and he says it's okay because I'm slender (with 6.3-inch wrists, 16-inch shoulders, and 35-27-38 measurements), yet people still makes fun of it, which hurts since I can't do anything about it.

So, is height something that will prompt people to wonder if I'm transsexual, even as a very passable trans woman? Is 5 ft 9.5 a big deal, notably in the big city, like where I live?  At what point does height become a legitimate concern for someone who is afraid of being clocked?

I'm really curious about others' perspectives.

Sincerely,
Ally

[iKate]

That's kind of odd that he would say that because I work with a lot of cis women who are taller than me (I'm 5'6")but few over 6ft.

[almightymouse]

That's kind of odd that he would say that because I work with a lot of cis women who are taller than me (I'm 5'6")but few over 6ft.

Um alright. Well, what about cis women in the 5 ft. 9/10 area? Is 5 ft 9 and lithe like I am as acceptable as being 5 ft. 6 and blocky? Should height even be of concern to us, or is it more secondary to other characteristics?

Ally

[Sybil]

Er, I'm 5'9" (~9.5", amusingly enough) as well, and 5'9" in women is at the 95th percentile.

~1/20 women are 5'9" or taller. Your online acquaintance is a (possibly sexist) nutter.

[almightymouse]

Er, I'm 5'9" (~9.5", amusingly enough) as well, and 5'9" in women is at the 95th percentile.

~1/20 women are 5'9" or taller. Your online acquaintance is a (possibly sexist) nutter.

Excellent logic; that puts things into perspective for me. According to him, one out of every twenty women must be transsexual. Actually, even more, given that he said 5 ft. 7+. You gave me a new perspective; thanks a ton.

Ally

[Sybil]

Excellent logic; that puts things into perspective for me. According to him, one out of every twenty women must be transsexual. Actually, even more, given that he said 5 ft. 7+. You gave me a new perspective; thanks a ton.

Ally

You bet!

Oh, just in case he tries to grill you about it, here is a height chart from the Center of Disease Control: http://www.cdc.gov/growthcharts/data/set2clinical/cj41c072.pdf

(5'9" is 96th percentile there, but for the sake of simplicity and not getting into wild detail about ethnic groups, it's 95th for Caucasian women)

[Moomin]

Hi! It is something I've come across too, even when you present them with facts! Interestingly one of my exes was the same height as me and she got trans-phobic slurs too and she is Cis. I'm 5 8' by the way X

[almightymouse]

Hi! It is something I've come across too, even when you present them with facts! Interestingly one of my exes was the same height as me and she got trans-phobic slurs too and she is Cis. I'm 5 8' by the way X

Now that you've said that, it almost sounds like some men just have deep-seated confidence issues. I'm trying to imagine how that might work -- labeling any female who's 5 ft. 8+ as "formerly a man"...? Maybe it stems from intimidation, in that men want to appear ( usually) as masculine as possible, and then he sees this tall, beautiful, modelesque chick who won't even lay eyes on him. Obviously, she must be a "man" at that point (sarcasm). How deplorable.

Ally

[Sybil]

Hi! It is something I've come across too, even when you present them with facts! Interestingly one of my exes was the same height as me and she got trans-phobic slurs too and she is Cis. I'm 5 8' by the way X

I have some (cis) friends who are taller than me and get this kind of commentary, too. It really seems to vary depending on their build, though -- my really thin friends don't get much commentary, but more athletic friends have heard things.

Now that you've said that, it almost sounds like some men just have deep-seated confidence issues. I'm trying to imagine how that might work -- labeling any female who's 5 ft. 8+ as "formerly a man"...? Maybe it stems from intimidation, in that men want to appear ( usually) as masculine as possible, and then he sees this tall, beautiful, modelesque chick who won't even lay eyes on him. Obviously, she must be a "man" at that point (sarcasm). How deplorable.

Ally

Honestly, it's probably something like that. I've known some insecure guys around my height who get really bent out of shape about 5'7"+ women. My boyfriend is 6'6" and tells me I'm short. It's all relative to them? I don't think I have ever had a 6'+ guy comment on my height.

On the other hand, the guy I was interested in before my boyfriend came along is 5'8". He was totally fine with it. He's also a really confident person and doesn't get hung up on validating himself.

[Moomin]

Thats how I look at it too Almightymouse. I try not to over analyse. I just accept if I was cis and this tall, I'd still get it hugs

[emma-f]

I'm 5 ft 8 1/2 and wear heels when I'm out and have never felt "tall" (although weirdly everyone thinks I'm only 5'6 and don't believe I'm 5 81/2 but I am honest). Most of my friends are within an inch or two of my height (above or below). Average heights are increasing in many parts of the world and thus an "average" 20 year old may well be taller than the quoted heights. I don't think a woman seems to be tall until she's maybe 5'11 or above, and even then I've never seen it as a marker of trans. Not one of my very tall friends has ever had that suggestion made of them. Maybe it's different in the UK to elsewhere, but from my experience it seems to be only if there are additional markers that height ever becomes part of the picture.

[captains]

I know an assload of cis women who are around 5ft 9. It's average-tall. That guy was a nutter.

[Denjin]

That guy is a total nutter.  The shortest person in my family is my sister at 5'9!  I'm 5'10 as is my mother...  Height is a total non-issue in real life, too, in regards to passing.

[iKate]

Um alright. Well, what about cis women in the 5 ft. 9/10 area? Is 5 ft 9 and lithe like I am as acceptable as being 5 ft. 6 and blocky? Should height even be of concern to us, or is it more secondary to other characteristics?

Ally

I don't think so. American women are taller on average. If it really bothers you adjust your clothing to de-emphasize your height and stay away from high heels. Proportion is more relevant.

[April_TO]

A very good point was made. It all depends where you are - I am from a big Canadian city and most women in my area are a bit smaller than I am - I am 5'5.5 and yet I complain a lot about my height.

Again, height is debatable. However, if I may be candid height is one the male gender markers we cannot change. Lucky for anyone below 5'5 coz it seems like this is what society deems as an acceptable female height.

But live with what you have. At least, you won't need to wear heels anymore.

April

[Karlie Ann]

Just to note, most of the supermodels and Victoria's Secret models are 5'9 - 5'10.  Not that we need to compare ourselves to them, but 5'9 isn't unfeminine.

[Lyndsey]

Hi Ally

You are a normal hight at being 5'-9" tall. That is fine. I'm on the short end of the scale as I'm only 5'-3" and when I wear 4" heels I'm still only 5'-7" and I feel short around a lot of the Cis women that I work with. It works both way. Most men today are all over 6' tall so what the hell. Don't let that bother you.

Hug's
Lyndsey

[Lagertha]

How tall you actually are depends on where you live and how tall are women around you. If you are 5'10 and you live in Latin America, or Asia, you probably feel like a giant among mostly very short population of women. If you are 5'10 and you are in US, you are tall, but it's not unusual to see other women as tall from time to time. If you live anywhere in middle Europe, or northern Europe, you see women your height everywhere you go, and many waaay taller... 6'1 or 6'2 is nothing unusual for younger generations.

[Lyndsey]

How tall you actually are depends on where you live and how tall are women around you. If you are 5'10 and you live in Latin America, or Asia, you probably feel like a giant among mostly very short population of women. If you are 5'10 and you are in US, you are tall, but it's not unusual to see other women as tall from time to time. If you live anywhere in middle Europe, or northern Europe, you see women your height everywhere you go, and many waaay taller... 6'1 or 6'2 is nothing unusual for younger generations.

Hi All

Like my daughter is taller than me by 3" I told her because she slept a lot as a kid so gravity didn't effect her like us that had to get up early or we couldn't sleep in because our parents didn't let us.

Lyndsey

[Joan]

How tall you actually are depends on where you live and how tall are women around you. If you are 5'10 and you live in Latin America, or Asia, you probably feel like a giant among mostly very short population of women. If you are 5'10 and you are in US, you are tall, but it's not unusual to see other women as tall from time to time. If you live anywhere in middle Europe, or northern Europe, you see women your height everywhere you go, and many waaay taller... 6'1 or 6'2 is nothing unusual for younger generations.

Ain't that the truth. I'm 6'2" (last time I measured) and the women around me are on average 5'3". I get for more attention when standing up that when sitting down.