Coming out to people and when I first starting going out female were both really hard, stressful, and anxious times for me, the hardest part, so far at least.
I struggled for months I'd say to come out to anyone. I went over what I'd say, what I'd except, when I would say it, how I would say it, over and over in my head so many times that it isn't even funny. I definitely dreaded doing it. I was pretty depressed at the time and was fearing and I guess kinda mentally preparing for the worst; that it wouldn't go well, it would totally be spread to everyone and that I would lose everyone and everything but yet at the same time, also kinda felt like I had nothing to lose. Anyways, it kinda dragged on to the point where I felt that I HAD to tell somebody, I just HAD to get it off my chest.
I believe the first person I told, other than school advisor who I trust and knew from class also and therapists was my best guy friend at the time, who I've known since mid school. I told him in a text that I had something I had to tell him...I didn't hear back from him for a bit but I still had that feeling of NEEDING to tell somebody so I texted something similar to a cousin. We made a date to meet up a few days later and shortly after, heard back from my friend. I think he came by later that day...
He came by later and asked what's up or something like that and I said I had to tell him something. I couldn't come out and say it so I went silent and made him guess, lol! He first guessed if I was gay, I said nope not it, 2nd guess was am I trans. I sorta smiled and said ya, good guess, or something like that. We talked about it for awhile, I opened up a BIT about me and this and things and that was kinda it; he said he didn't have a problem with it. It went pretty similar with the cousin.
After that, the NEED to come out was gone and I went awhile without doing so again. I did get to a point where I wanted to come out to the few family members that I am close to and that seemed harder actually...It took me like 8 months to a year to come out to those few people.
Going out at first, while kinda funny now, was oh so hard, I was so afraid and had so much anxiety about it at first. I started out only going out to therapy and group type places. I would do a bit of makeup and dress as a girl but would cover up clothes w/ a big jacket; it was fall and kinda cold. I would then stare out my window for like 30 minutes, to make sure the coast was clear and build up my nerve. I would carry my purse and like my shoes or boots and other stuff like that in a garbage bag and change into em in my car...I hated doing that, it felt really depressing doing so, especially when I returned home and had to change out of em but I was just terrified to let anyone else see me.
I did my best to not let anyone besides therapists and other trans people from group see me for a few months. First time that I changed that was I believe to my speech therapist appointment. Shes totally awesome, <3 her, and she obviously knew what was going out lol. She's in a pretty big doctors office type place; there's always at least a few and sometimes many people in the waiting area. I told myself that it is a safe place to do it, they are medical professionals after all and like she is so awesome and just always made me feel comfortable around her so I felt that that would be the best place to do this first time. I really wanted to do it and kinda felt like I had to; I had my 2nd endo appointment the following week (already been on e and spiro for 3 months from first visit) and felt I definitely HAD to go there presenting female (similar layout as speech, crowded waiting area. To me, it made 0 sense, felt totally wrong and silly to go presenting male since the doc and nurses knew bout me and knew am taking hrt and that I'm transitioning. I was afraid that they'd stop my hrt, thinking I'm not serious or having doubts or something bad like that) and wanted a practice run and I just knew and was more comfortable doing it with the other one for my first time.
I drove all the way out there to these appointments and I ALMOST chickened out both times but I didn't. I didn't get stared at or laughed at or harassed, nothing bad at all, and I felt really good about it. I then added all doctor appointments as female only mode. I kept it to those type places only for awhile after, was too afraid to go anyone really public. One day my speech therapist suggested going to the nearby mall for an appointment, hoping to see me have to talk to others in public and just be out in public period. Few weeks after that, went up north for a weekend to see some of the fam that I mentioned above when talking bout coming out in full time girl mode (for that weekend; brought no dude clothes with me). Then slowly started going out more and more around my area to where I am now most time in girl mode. It def took awhile but now am mostly comfortable going out any and everywhere.
Anyways, to sum this whole wayyyyyy too long story up, take things at your own pace. If you feel that you are not ready to come out yet don't worry about it, put it on hold for a bit. As you can see, I took things very slowly, I took many small baby steps to get to where I am today because that is what was comfortable for me, what I thought was best for me.
I had a ton of anxiety from when I started transitioning through most of this part of my story. I stressed over everything, planning things, worrying bout things and what's gonna happen, it was on my mind almost 24/7. It would just repeat over and over and over again and I couldn't get it off my mind. I felt very depressed, drained, exhausted. It turned out to be all for nothing in the end!....
Recently, I had another huge, somewhat life changing event happen in my life and it brought back much if not more of the anxiety I had before. I was scared, worried, depressed, stressed, upset, all that and more for that appointment. I so wanted to cancel, to put if off but I didn't...I knew I could avoid it for a bit, it would reduce or maybe even mostly remove my anxiety, but I knew I had to face it eventually and I would go thru the same feelings again. I wanted it over with so I wouldn't have to worry bout it anymore so I went thru with it. It was a huge deal for me, not just going to and having the appointment done but also the not putting it off part; I've always been a huge procrastinator..Again, turns out that I was way too worried about it with thinking the worst. I faced my fears and now it is over and done with, I have no more anxiety bout it and I feel good bout it.
If it gets to the point to like where I was with things with you, I'd say, based on my experiences with it, may be best to just face your fears, get it over and done with instead of spending hours, days, months or even years of having it go round and round in your head and just worrying nonstop about what ifs and thinking the worst. But again, there is no rush; do things when you think and feel that your ready and when it's best to do so.
