M2F Gay Couple Need Adivce & A Friend To Talk To

[J1979]

Hey everyone,

First, let me say if I say anything that might sound offensive, please excuse me, I am new to this and do not mean to be.


I am not even sure where to start. I am 36yo and gay. I came out at 31 and fooled around w 2 guys (nothing major) before meeting this great guy. We talked online for months before I got him to meet me. We met and hit it off greatly. The night we met I found out from someone at the bar that he was F2M. We have been together for 3 years now and I love him (I think, I've never been in love before or in a relationship). I feel like I am missing out on something b/c he does not have a penis. I know I could never find a guy as sweet or kind or loving than him, but I still am frustrated with the fact there is no penis.

We have tried him using a strap on, and it worked but the one he has looks like a long black rocket. He will not talk about his "situation" and when I bring it up he gets nervous and angry so I just don't.

I was wondering if there are any other gay guys out there in a relationship w/a F2M person. If so, what prosthetic devices do you use? Is there any advice to get over the hang up I have of missing out on a real penis. It is selfish to say but I waited to get into a relationship w a guy for so long and I find a great guy but am frustrated w/the situation. I constantly put myself in his shoes and can't imagine the level of frustration he must have.

[Peep]

When you say you talked about his 'situation' do you mean getting a more realistic prosthetic or getting bottom surgery? Could you suggest going dick shopping together? (sounds fun lol)

Just a guess, but he could be defensive about it because he thinks he's about to be ditched for not pursuing surgery... maybe make it clear you're not trying to pressure him?

I'm kind of in the reverse situation where I'm in a relationship with a straight guy as a recently identified male, so far we cope by communicating.

[J1979]

Thanks for replying,

I would never ask anyone, let alone him, to have surgery for me. There hasn't been any talk about it at all since he is so defensive about it. I think it stems from embarrassment, which kills me b/c he should know he doesn't have to be defensive or embarrassed around me. When he and I are together and he has his penis on, he won't even allow me to see him in it. The situation would be a lot less complicated if he wouldn't make it so awkward.

My plan was to just buy what ever device is the most realistic and leave it in the bathroom next time we go away. But I have no idea what to buy. Any suggestions as to what it most realistic to a real penis? What does it get strapped into?

[Peep]

You maybe just need to give him time - do you know if this is his first relationship since coming out/ transitioning?

As for prosthetics, I don't actually own any (partly because I'm only recently out and also because I'm not a top haha) but there are a lot out there, if you do a google search for FtM packers or have a look in the FtM gear section on this website, it's under transexual talk > female to male transexual talk > FTM gear.

From what I've seen the harnesses are mostly like a kind of jock strap, but you can get ones built into underwear as well.

[J1979]

Thanks, everyone

[Anna33]

I understand that intimate moments are clearly very important to you. But between surgery and a big black rocket, I think that there's a whole range of products that you can find at a glance on ebay or places like that.

Personally, lack of intimate moments would never be a deal breaker to me. So my advice would be to shop for something cool before you all look into alternatives involving surgery, specially if your partner feels comfortable the way he is.

I'm a MTF trans woman and I will probably never do SRS. I'd feel sad if somebody wanted me to change my body against my wishes. I'd advice you to talk to him about it and don't force him into taking decisions that he doesn't want to take or isn't ready to take yet.

I am sorry if my opinion came across harsh. I am just trying to be realistic, not mean in the slightest. Big hugs.

[bwr]

Vixskin is one of the best prosthetic brands.  You can get strap on briefs that are comfy too.


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[J1979]

Thanks,

I should be clear that I would NEVER want him to alter his body in anyway in the means of surgery. I wouldn't even want him to dye his hair for me. We went away this weekend and we got it to work. I mean I still miss that obvious part but it was good.

[Bunter]

I have replied to your question in the sexuality forum, here are a couple of more pointers:

I have found that the best dildos for anal sex are a little less firm than the ones for vaginal sex. They are similar to the Domestic Partner series (not made from silicone but pvc, always use with a condom).

You can often find them at gay sex shops and you should talk to the owners of such a shop, to help with the choice. They also fit better in a strap-on because they don't have a flat stand, but rather hollowed out testicles. But he would have to test it with his strap-on first, because they are all so different and not all fit. Take him penis shopping and be prepared that you have to look for a while to find the best combination.

You can also check out the feminist sex shops and producers who have toys specifically for trans men. Make sure that you mention you are a gay couple and want it for anal sex.

There are some newer dildos that are firm in the core and softer on the outside, I've been told they are very realistic. But they are pretty expensive. The ones I saw felt also a bit too big for anal sex, but maybe that's fine for you

Some dildos can squirt, and there is semen-look-alike lubricant on the market.

You can warm the dildo with hot water or a hot water bottle before sex, which makes a big difference.

Some other pointers about you partner- the reason why he doesn't talk about these things might be that they increase his body dysphoria (I'm just guessing here, I might be wrong).

Some trans men feel that their packer or dildo is like their own cock, attached to their body like a good prosthetic, while others feel they increase a feeling of "my cock is missing, and what is this thing???". It can also be both, and switch between these two extremes, even during sex.
This can be extremely irritating, to say the least. 

He might have techniques to deal with this, for example from masturbation. i.e. techniques that help him to keep up the feeling that he has a cock.

He might be completely different, though, I'm just writing this down to give you some ideas about what goes on in our heads during sex ;-)
You really have to ask him, though.

I think it's cool that you want to deal with this and get proactive about a new cock for him I believe, if the chemistry is right between you two and you are both happy to experiment a bit, you can get this right.