Stalking and transphobia on okcupid

[Naomi71]

I'm amazed with the amount of stalking and transphobia I have to endure on okcupid. They act like they are LGBT friendly, but I do have to endure a lot of messages like those and there's nothing they do about it.

To give you an idea, I'll show you a few messages that were sent to me this morning. Mind you, I didn't even send this guy a message, it was entirely unprovoked:



translation: Dude, why do I have to look at your cancerous ugly face? I indicated that I prefer women and that I'm straight. So why do you appear in my matching list?



You're not a woman. Do you have periods? Nope. Can you get pregnant? Nope.



You mutilated your cock. and what for?



I told him that he would be reported for his stalking and offensive behavior and he indicated that he would just create a new account and come back to stalk me.

I did report him with okcupid, but his account wasn't even removed. So this lgbt friendly policy of okcupid, in which you can select a variety of genders etc is just a farce. Does anyone know about a dating site in which transpeople are better protected?

[Ms Grace]

Some people are just sad effed up piles of human excrement who have nothing better to do with their crappy lives than to try and make other people miserable... and that guy is one of them. Did you send the screenshots to OKcupid with your complaint? I find it hard to believe they did nothing about him.

Sorry, can't help you with an alternate site, I pretty much stay away from internet hookups.

[Laura_7]

Please remember this is a sad very unhappy person having no other meaning for their time than to insult other people.

Id' say just kick people like that away and forget about them.

Don't let them influence your experience. Stay happy and keep looking.

There is for sure a feature to block users. Use it immediately. This guy has to go on your blacklist. You might tell them, in a short sentence: you are blacklisted further communication is blocked

Concerning OKCupid you might tell them you intend to discuss their behaviour on forums so they should react in a way other people see you are protected. Please remember its also people there, it depends on the individuals reaction. Its not one company having one reaction.

OKCupid can be a great platform to meet nice people (meetup possibly also, and PlentyOfFish).

Just keep on looking, be yourself, stay happy and the right people will come along.

One thing necessary may be to filter a lot of people.
So saying no if necessary, in a nice way, and keep on looking for people you have a good feling with.

It might also be a good ide to get active a bit yourself... looking around in your area and contacting people with a few nice words...

many *hugs* and good luck 

[suzifrommd]

Don't respond to someone like that. Just block him. He'll get tired and move on.

Don't take it personally. I've met some wonderful people through OKCupid.

(Alas none who thought I was wonderful in return. Sigh.)

[Naomi71]

Did you send the screenshots to OKcupid with your complaint? I find it hard to believe they did nothing about him.

You can't send screenshots via the complaint form on the site, but I do believe they can look at your messages. Maybe they didn't respond because the messages are in Dutch and they don't understand the content. His profile is still online. But even if it was removed, he literally promised me to come back with a new profile and stalk me some more, so his ip should also be blocked.

Don't let them influence your experience. Stay happy and keep looking.

There is for sure a feature to block users. Use it immediately. This guy has to go on your blacklist. You might tell them, in a short sentence: you are blacklisted further communication is blocked Concerning OKCupid you might tell them you intend to discuss their behaviour on forums so they should react in a way other people see you are protected. Please remember its also people there, it depends on the individuals reaction. Its not one company having one reaction.

I did block him, but unfortunately fed the troll before that. Normally I don't respond, but it wasn't the first message like that and felt especially vulnerable, since I'm planning to go out as a woman for the first time tomorrow and actually had a nightmare about being in public transport and not passing last night. It just got to me this time and it influenced me more than I thought. I will let okcupid know that I'm discussing this on fora. They advertise with an open, trans friendly policy, added these great gender options, but being trans friendly also means they should have a tougher moderating policy than they seem to have right now. They should be pressured on that.

[Naomi71]

Fortunately, opinions differ 



Maybe a little pathetic, but I needed that....

[Amy2k]

Hi Naomi,

I'm really sorry for what happen on this website but  you will always have some Idiot anywhere you go trying to take the piss.
Dating wise , I started using "Mytransexualdate.com", so far no luck but its completely free for Girls. gve it a shoot.
Wish you good luck in love quest.

[Alaia]

I get these morons every now and then too. Shut them down immediately and then ignore them, that's how I deal with them. Not worth the time, especially when you love yourself and know there are people out there who are interested in you regardless of whether you're trans or not.

Mode Edit:Link removed - Language

[stephaniec]

I stopped going on OKCupid because of the stalkers.

[Squircle]

I've only had to report one person on okcupid and they got banned for a lot less than what that guy sent you.

Most transphobic message I've had on a dating site recently was from a trans woman 12 years older than me, who messaged me to say that she is looking for a genetic woman but perhaps we could be friends instead. 

[stephaniec]

personally I can't see using any hook up site for numerous reasons. Of course that's just the way my personality is.

[Naomi71]

Hi Naomi,

I'm really sorry for what happen on this website but  you will always have some Idiot anywhere you go trying to take the piss.
Dating wise , I started using "Mytransexualdate.com", so far no luck but its completely free for Girls. gve it a shoot.
Wish you good luck in love quest.

Hey Amy,

I looked at the website, but it seems to be out of order?

[Lyndsey]

Hey Amy,

I looked at the website, but it seems to be out of order?

Hi Naomi

You are right the site is down and for sale. Try this one that is a pretty safe site
http://transgenderdate.com./index.php?login=1

Hugs
Lyndsey

[FTMax]

I have never had a bad experience on OkCupid. Transgenderdate is hit or miss for me. I found that I was getting messages not from people who were interested in me, but who were trans themselves and not out yet. So you could try it out. May only end up with friends though.

As someone who has personally and professionally dealt with obsessive behavior, the best thing you can do is not engage. Every instance of contact with a stalker invites on average another 6-7 weeks of contact from them in return. Be liberal with the use of the block function Use it early and often.

[KyleeKrow]

Yah I used to have an account on there that I used until this woman started talking to me and apparently she thought I was a cis-woman and didn't bother to read my profile to see that I'm trans. Basically once she found out she flipped out saying I'm a guy and reported me, and I got my profile closed down by okcupid. -_- So I don't use that site anymore.

[Laura_7]

Yah I used to have an account on there that I used until this woman started talking to me and apparently she thought I was a cis-woman and didn't bother to read my profile to see that I'm trans. Basically once she found out she flipped out saying I'm a guy and reported me, and I got my profile closed down by okcupid. -_- So I don't use that site anymore.

*Hugs*
Well I hope things have changed meanwhile...
and it depends on the individual at the company how the reaction is. You might always remain firm but polite and say you intend to discuss their reaction on forums.

Just keep on, many other people have made good experiences.
If there was a misunderstanding its not your fault.

Another day... another chance... wish you luck 

*hugs*

[Wednesday]

Really sorry about what happened. Unfortunately jerks like that one may be present everywhere. Uneducated people should not alter your self perception.

Anyway, take your time to build up your self-confidence. This is not a race and you're not in a hurry. Be patient, make little steps, and keep in mind you're just starting your journey.

[Lauren Nicole]

I hate that happened. Ignorant people will be ignorant. I know in the past when I was a guy on dating sites I would use match.com and others where you had to pay to be on. For me (in the past) it seems that the sites you have to pay for, you get better results and are less likely to come across nuts like the one you posted.

I would assume since they have to pay, they have something invested and aren't there to be bigots and idiots but be somewhat serious about whom they are talking with. I could be completely wrong since I have never been on a dating site in the past few years.

[suzifrommd]

I hate that happened. Ignorant people will be ignorant. I know in the past when I was a guy on dating sites I would use match.com and others where you had to pay to be on. For me (in the past) it seems that the sites you have to pay for, you get better results and are less likely to come across nuts like the one you posted.

I would assume since they have to pay, they have something invested and aren't there to be bigots and idiots but be somewhat serious about whom they are talking with. I could be completely wrong since I have never been on a dating site in the past few years.

I would agree, Korie, you're less like to get the sort of responses that OP saw.

However, people pay to be on a site to meet their ideal mate, and I've wondered whether they're wiling to pay to meet a trans person when there are a lot of cis people there. Haven't been willing to risk money to find out.

[Amy2k]

Hey Amy,

I looked at the website, but it seems to be out of order?

Really Sorry,just a typo    https://mytranssexualdate.com