Raising a transgender daughter

[Spwar]

I was going to post this in the SO section but id like input from anyone who has some advice. My daughter was born a male, but came out as a female about two years ago. This came as no surprise to us, as she always acted very feminine since she was about two years old. Luckily my ex and I are very supportive and have done everything we can to support our daughter. She has been home schooled the last few years and will be going back to public schools in the next week or so. The school has been accomodating to an extent, and the principal has been made aware of the situation so that they can do whatever they can to make her feel comfortable. However I am just worried sick about the possibility of bullying and discrimination due to the fact that we live in such a socially conservative state(GA). Does anyone have any experience as a trans person attending high school that can advise me on how to help her deal with the challenges of this situation?

Also, I have a new girlfriend of two months that does not know my daughter is transgender. Is this something I should tell her fairly soon? Is it any of her business really? I wouldn't even see it as something that needed to be talked about but my son and I still call my daughter by her masculine name out of habit(which my daughter has no objection to). Any input would be greatly appreciated, thanks

[Tessa James]

Thank you for caring so deeply about your daughter and seeking to support her through education.  I am a college trustee and any public school that receives federal funds (almost all) is subject to federal laws that protect us.  I think you were smart to talk to the school administration and suggest zero tolerance from them for any bullying.  Her medical status and history is protected information and should not be disclosed to anyone without a real need to know.  At a younger age I assume she is indistinguishable from the other girls.  Even if it is not about being trans, kids can be cruel and we cannot protect them from everything.  Any child needs to understand that their fundamental worth and dignity are not subject to debate.  Rehearsal and exploring possibilities with her may reinforce her options.  PFLAG and GLSEN are national groups with local chapters that might be good resources. 

Knowing that you have her back is huge.  How does she feel about being out in public now?  I hope you allow your girlfriend to initially meet your daughter without prejudice.   Too often once someone hears we are transgender that is the first descriptor that comes to their minds.  I also trust that you will redouble your efforts to call her by her female name.  You are so critical to her self esteem and i doubt you want to be the one who "outs" her to others accidentally.  Part of this concern is for her basic safety.   

  It is refreshing to know that more parents are becoming knowledgeable and supportive of their unique children.  There are too many tragic stories here of those who have been abandoned by family.  Thanks for being a great Dad.

[Spwar]

My girlfriend has met her and I introduced her with my daughters feminine name. I haven't spoke with my gf about social issues relating to the LGBT community but I think she will be accepting of my daughter; she has an equal sign tattoo on her hand which I believe signifies support for the LGBT community?

As for referring to my daughter full time with her new name, I agree I need to work on that. And that is good to know about the equal protections afforded by any federally funded school, I'll have to do more research on that. Thanks for all the info!

[Tessa James]

My girlfriend has met her and I introduced her with my daughters feminine name. I haven't spoke with my gf about social issues relating to the LGBT community but I think she will be accepting of my daughter; she has an equal sign tattoo on her hand which I believe signifies support for the LGBT community?

As for referring to my daughter full time with her new name, I agree I need to work on that. And that is good to know about the equal protections afforded by any federally funded school, I'll have to do more research on that. Thanks for all the info!

Good for you!  Your girlfriend's tattoo might indicate support for HRC (Human Rights Campaign) the largest LGBTQ group in the nation or a personal statement? 

[BeverlyAnn]

I mentioned it on your introduction post but I'll mention it here, also.  Starting in September, Pride School Atlanta is supposed to be open and primarily will be for LGBT students.  It's will be a private school with tuition costs but worth looking into if she has any problem with her public school.

I don't know where you are in Georgia but PFLAG holds meetings in Atlanta (North Druid Hills), John's Creek, Marietta, Peachtree City and Stockbridge.  PFLAG Macon doesn't hold meetings but someone from the group will meet with you.  Also on January 17th PFLAG is having a panel of parents of three transgender children of different ages.  One parent of a 5 year old, one of an 11 year old and one whose child is over 20.

[Amoré]

Wow I just want to say I adore you for being so supportive towards your child. You are an awesome parent I wish my parents was like you.

I came out to them when I was 13 they ignored it then 15 I told them I want to be a girl and I did not fit in at school. They send me to a therapist and he told them it is just a phase and that my father must be harder on me to make me a man. I tried to castrate myself numerous times to force them to make me a girl and stop the puberty effects.

guess what I am 28 still and still suffering from GD. If only they listened my life would have been so much simpler and I would not have to sit with the effects that testosterone did to my body.

You are a star keep up being a loving good parent that every transgender person wish they had.

Big hugs to you

[bobbisue]

    It is good to hear that both you and your ex support your daughter as family is so important to any child  I cannot offer any advice about the american school system but I do know that her feeling your love and support is the most important thing in the world so keep up the good work and the best of luck with your challenges

   bobisue