Disphoria question (mtf) - Bras with / without forms

[TechGirl]

Hello,

For the past month when dressing, I've been using forms in my bras.  I find that it really helps with what I think of as my dysphoria (only recently out, so still in discovery mode).

To appease the S.O., I purchased a new bra yesterday in an A cup to wear without forms.  My forms are not allowed in bed at night (weirds her out), and the more female I dress (i.e. skirts, dresses), the more difficult it is for her to accept this.

I find though that I don't feel as feminine in a bra without forms.  Don't get me wrong, my little A-cup bumps are definitely noticeable, even in my jacket.  However, it's just not as satisfying.

So here are my questions for the community.  Does an unstuffed bra help with your disphoria?  Is just wearing a bra all that you need?  Or do forms better help the dysphoria go away?

[Deborah]

I think I'm the minority here and maybe a weird one but clothes don't have any effect on my dysphoria at all anymore.  Before HRT they did to some extent but now I feel pretty much the same no matter what I'm wearing.  But before HRT an unstuffed one didn't help at all while a full one did.  I think it was the form I was seeking rather than the feeling of wearing clothes.


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[TechGirl]

I think I'm the minority here and maybe a weird one but clothes don't have any effect on my dysphoria at all anymore.  Before HRT they did to some extent but now I feel pretty much the same no matter what I'm wearing.  But before HRT an unstuffed one didn't help at all while a full one did.  I think it was the form I was seeking rather than the feeling of wearing clothes.


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Thank you Deborah,

That is more or less what I think helps me, form over clothes.  Right now I have no form, and I have no idea when I'll be able to try hrt.  So I didn't skimp when I bought my forms (Amolux diamond).  They seem to help a bit.

[Deborah]

I got some glue on ones once.  They were pretty nice but it really hurt getting them off again and left my skin raw for days.  LOL

Such travails we face!  :-)


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[TechGirl]

I got some glue on ones once.  They were pretty nice but it really hurt getting them off again and left my skin raw for days.  LOL

Such travails we face!  :-)


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I know :-)

[Tessa James]

I took forever to go from occasional and partial crossdresser to being out full time and then transitioning.  Along the way i purchased some expensive breast forms.  The paradox for me was that I ended up feeling even more fake as a man and simply pretentious as a woman.  I certainly know people that are very comfortable cross dressing for life but it was a temporary plateau for me.  I did feel a temporary reduction in dysphoria but only as long as i stayed dressed and that wasn't long enough. The forms helped me to realize how important it is for me to be out and as real as I can and that meant HRT with some surgery coming soon.

[TechGirl]

I took forever to go from occasional and partial crossdresser to being out full time and then transitioning.  Along the way i purchased some expensive breast forms.  The paradox for me was that I ended up feeling even more fake as a man and simply pretentious as a woman.  I certainly know people that are very comfortable cross dressing for life but it was a temporary plateau for me.  I did feel a temporary reduction in dysphoria but only as long as i stayed dressed and that wasn't long enough. The forms helped me to realize how important it is for me to be out and as real as I can and that meant HRT with some surgery coming soon.

I see what you mean.  I have noticed a difference in how I feel when I have been out with forms in vs just wearing the A cup bra.

Once the military confirms the new policy for transgender service members, I think I just might head down the hrt road.

[KarynMcD]

To appease the S.O., I purchased a new bra yesterday in an A cup to wear without forms.  My forms are not allowed in bed at night (weirds her out), and the more female I dress (i.e. skirts, dresses), the more difficult it is for her to accept this.

Not for nothing, but if she doesn't like the forms and you dressing, she's REALLY going to dislike if you start HRT.
The dysphoria might lessen, but it will never go away with just dressing partially in private.

[Emileeeee]

I tried the forms years ago at the request of a therapist, but they felt fake to me. The more I accepted myself, the less the clothing even had an affect. I started wearing bras at first because the seatbelt kept trying to kill me. Later I did it because my breast depth was deep enough that I felt I looked odd without it there to help shape them better. As my body shape changed from HRT, I started wearing more feminine attire out of necessity, because the guy stuff just didn't fit right anymore.

[TechGirl]

Not for nothing, but if she doesn't like the forms and you dressing, she's REALLY going to dislike if you start HRT.
The dysphoria might lessen, but it will never go away with just dressing partially in private.

I'm hoping the changes are gradual enough.  Also hoping that personality changes (calming effect I keep hearing about) have her liking me on hrt better than I am now.

Also going to keep the beard, that should create quite the interesting picture :-)

[Tessa James]

There are a few people here who have been on estradiol (HRT) and maintained a blended, androgynous, non binary or whatever ala carte descriptor and their beards as part of all that.

I am continually impressed with what people will do to simply be their true selves and/or to maintain a successful relationship(s).

[purplewuggybird]

What I try to remember is that all girls wear bras but not all forums. And I just try to be like a normal girl. Have you considered a push up bra? I think those work great. And honestly I'm not ashamed that I'm an A cup as many of my friends are that or even a AA


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[JoanneB]

Hello,

For the past month when dressing, I've been using forms in my bras.  I find that it really helps with what I think of as my dysphoria (only recently out, so still in discovery mode).

To appease the S.O., I purchased a new bra yesterday in an A cup to wear without forms.  My forms are not allowed in bed at night (weirds her out), and the more female I dress (i.e. skirts, dresses), the more difficult it is for her to accept this.

I find though that I don't feel as feminine in a bra without forms.  Don't get me wrong, my little A-cup bumps are definitely noticeable, even in my jacket.  However, it's just not as satisfying.

So here are my questions for the community.  Does an unstuffed bra help with your disphoria?  Is just wearing a bra all that you need?  Or do forms better help the dysphoria go away?

Stuffed or unstuffed, for much of my life simply wearing a bra did a lot to help me fight back the dysphoria.

I can totally understand your wife's ambivalence. First off, wearing a bra to bed is a bit out of the norm. Sadly, she cannot yet grok how for you the evenings, in the safety of your home, is one of the few rare blocks of time you can do something about easing the GD. So I have to ask; Does she understand that?

My wife was far from thrilled about my need to wear a nightgown to bed and, at the very least, be able to present as female for my first appearance in front of a mirror each morning. In time she began to reap the advantages of my 'Transition' from some lifeless soulless thing towards a for real person.

These days she is not all that thrilled about the 'Bumps on my chest'.  She knows, just as I do, just as you do, just as your wife does, nothing screams female more then breasts. So is it odd for her to be upset about the death of 'The man'? Snuggling and spooning now does weird her out a bit.

It takes time

The real question here is really if she is simply adjusting, perhaps too much too fast for her, vs outright No Way No How. Resulting in you both (or you one as in you) seeking some middle ground?.

Communicate, Communicate, Communicate, in a non confrontational, non accusatory manner.Don't let resentment, yours and hers, fester if you want the marriage to survive

[Tommi]

I definitely prefer wearing a bra with my breast forms to just wearing a bra.  I agree, that for me, it's the feminine figure I want, not just the bra.  I love feeling them sway and bounce as I go about my day.  Unfortunately I can't wear them at home.  So just at work for now.

[TechGirl]

What I try to remember is that all girls wear bras but not all forums. And I just try to be like a normal girl. Have you considered a push up bra? I think those work great. And honestly I'm not ashamed that I'm an A cup as many of my friends are that or even a AA


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Wearing one right now :-)  However, I don't get the same satisfaction as when wearing my forms.  Silicone forms have no equal short of natural breasts.  But my simple 38B pushup bra is nice in its own way (I don't quite fill the bra, but it still looks and feels nice).

[TechGirl]

Stuffed or unstuffed, for much of my life simply wearing a bra did a lot to help me fight back the dysphoria.

I can totally understand your wife's ambivalence. First off, wearing a bra to bed is a bit out of the norm. Sadly, she cannot yet grok how for you the evenings, in the safety of your home, is one of the few rare blocks of time you can do something about easing the GD. So I have to ask; Does she understand that?

She doesn't quite understand.  But while she doesn't accept the forms to bed, she will accept the small 38B pushup bra I have in bed.  Although no cuddling when wearing a bra.

My wife was far from thrilled about my need to wear a nightgown to bed and, at the very least, be able to present as female for my first appearance in front of a mirror each morning. In time she began to reap the advantages of my 'Transition' from some lifeless soulless thing towards a for real person.

I've often felt like an emotionless person.  Sometimes I wonder if hrt might change that for the better.

These days she is not all that thrilled about the 'Bumps on my chest'.  She knows, just as I do, just as you do, just as your wife does, nothing screams female more then breasts. So is it odd for her to be upset about the death of 'The man'? Snuggling and spooning now does weird her out a bit.

Yes, definitely does

It takes time

The real question here is really if she is simply adjusting, perhaps too much too fast for her, vs outright No Way No How. Resulting in you both (or you one as in you) seeking some middle ground?.

Communicate, Communicate, Communicate, in a non confrontational, non accusatory manner.Don't let resentment, yours and hers, fester if you want the marriage to survive

Yes, I'm fairly certain I've pushed too fast.  Once I came out to her, I needed to discover what I was, who I was, what I wanted to do, and all over a short month and a half during the holidays before I returned to work.

Now that I know what I am (transgender) and ground rules have been set in the house, I can slow down.  She knows I want hormones, but I can't do that with my job right now, so we have plenty of time to talk about that particular subject.

She's a little more understanding now.  I just need to balance my time between male and female roles, and take things a bit more slowly.

[Colleen M]

I had forms when I was younger and they were nice...but having finally given up denial they were almost painful to take off for a while there.  Of course, I've now got just enough development the bra is getting a little tight with them in, and the other element is that I like what's actually me, even if it is still pretty meager.  Even when presenting as male for work, I'm often wearing those little silicone boosters in a bra, rationalizing that lots of other women do it.

edited to add:  Love, love, love the avatar.   

[Jacqueline]

Perhaps I am the odd person out here.

Have a few weeks before HRT. However, I have always preferred wearing a bra and one that is AA A or a sports bra sans anything.

It has always made me feel fake when adding something I can't feel. Yes, it looks and moves right but I guess I prefer all of what is touching my clothes to have sensation.

It is a bit of a challenge to find a band that size (38 or 40)with nothing to fill(I don't like padded push ups for the same reason as stated above).

Joanna

[Jacqueline]

Oh but to tack on. and answer the question.

Yes, it does help with my dysphoria, even without additional filling.

Joanna

[OCAnne]

Hello everyone, happy to share I no longer suffer from Disphoria.  But wearing a padded (forms) bra does push me over the edge, makes me feel fake.  Much rather show off my real A cups than pad them.  I honestly feel showing people the real deal helps people accept me.  Unfortunately I am often criticized (bluntly) for not wearing a bra from CIS women at work and online.  The though of putting on a bra finally got exciting when I recently and accidentally discovered GAP makes unpadded bras with an underwire!

OMG they are so cute.  Had to settle for a 38B since they do not make a smaller cup version in my size. But I kinda fill it out.  Maybe I'm approaching B status?  The GAP bra brings my breasts closer together and pushs them up a little.  Feel much better and should help deal with wait time until I can undergo BCS (breast correction surgery).

Answering the question on the topic: Bras with/without forms?  Never!  Let the real you show through!

EOM