do you think there is a way to let the past go

[stephaniec]

I seem to have been having some hard times lately realizing that this is who I really am and always have been. I've been visiting the post op section and realizing that's where I belong. The problem is I've been crying so much lately that at my age all the time wasted in the struggle to find the path and all the help I didn't get from professionals even though I'm probably the one at blame for not being able to confess to my situation. Does anyone have any methods to sooth the hurt.

[Frae]

It's hard to hear but we all have regret. I don't want to try and reduce or understate yours but sometimes it can help to know that everyone feels that way.

We all made mistakes or didn't take the right chances, but that's kinda beautiful. Nothing is ever perfect especially not life. You are the sum of your experiences and you are a beautiful person.

Forgive yourself and own your pain. It's part of you and what makes you unique. There is nothing wrong with feeling sad. We feel sad for a reason. But Forgive yourself, you're only human. Life is confusion and pain, we all miss so much and get so much wrong and that is oddly wonderful. It's not our fault. We largely have no control (if we have any at all)

I hoped this helped at all. (sorry for waxing philosophical) Know that you're loved here. We'll listen and we'll try to help however we can.

[stephaniec]

thanks , I appreciate the help

[diane 2606]

What Frae said.

I have so many regrets. There are people I mistreated, and people I allowed to mistreat me. The thing is, they're in the rearview mirror. They'll pop into our minds occasionally no matter what we do. Take a deep breath, focus on what comes next.

You are the best, Stephanie.

[Naomi71]

This is difficult to answer, because what works for one person, may not work for the next person. Maybe my answer is a little too "spiritual", but for me it worked on a really practical level: Zazen (Zen meditation).

It's really very simple: you just sit in one of the prescribed positions, inhale through your nose and think of nothing. When you exhale, you count and repeat this process until you've reached ten. So the first breath cycle you count "OOONE" during your exhalation, the second cycle "TWOOO", until you reached ten. Then you start all over again. A more extensive instruction can be found here.

the non-thinking part during inhalation really is a paradoxical intent, because human beings are unable not to think of anything. What instead will happen, is that all obsetting things that occupy your mind, things you didn't process very well and are stuck in your RAM rather than written away to your your harddisk, will spontaneously pop up. These are thought bubbles. When they appear, you should try not to suppress them nor cling to them, but just observe. Allow them to pop up and allow them to fall again. Just let it happen and observe. After about six weeks of practice (twenty minutes in the morning and twenty minutes at night), the thought bubbles that initially were huge, will become smaller and smaller, until they have become very small dots. You will have processed these experiences and you will find out that they aren't as obsetting as they used to be. They become less and less significant.

I started this practice after I had a heart attack last April. That heart attack was a direct result of me being obset about a lot of things in my life: my gender, abandonment, violence I experienced, a ->-bleeped-<-load of crap. I tried to heal myself afterwards in any way I could and found out that scientific research performed by the American Heart Association has proven that meditation can reduce the chance of getting another heart attack with 50%. You have to give it some time though, it's not like you've accomplished results after just one meditation session.

The things that occupied my mind don't obset me like they used to and that really is the result of meditation.

I hope that helps.

[stephaniec]

What Frae said.

I have so many regrets. There are people I mistreated, and people I allowed to mistreat me. The thing is, they're in the rearview mirror. They'll pop into our minds occasionally no matter what we do. Take a deep breath, focus on what comes next.

You are the best, Stephanie.

thanks, I fell down and your picking me back up.

[stephaniec]

This is difficult to answer, because what works for one person, may not work for the next person. Maybe my answer is a little too "spiritual", but for me it worked on a really practical level: Zazen (Zen meditation).

It's really very simple: you just sit in one of the prescribed positions, inhale through your nose and think of nothing. When you exhale, you count and repeat this process until you've reached ten. So the first breath cycle you count "OOONE" during your exhalation, the second cycle "TWOOO", until you reached ten. Then you start all over again. A more extensive instruction can be found here.

the non-thinking part during inhalation really is a paradoxical intent, because human beings are unable not to think of anything. What instead will happen, is that all obsetting things that occupy your mind, things you didn't process very well and are stuck in your RAM rather than written away to your your harddisk, will pop up. These are thought bubbles. When they appear, you should try not to suppress them nor cling to them, but just observe. Allow them to pop up and allow them to fall again. Just let it happen and observe. After about six weeks of practice (twenty minutes in the morning and twenty minutes at night), the thought bubbles that initially were huge, will become smaller and smaller, until they have become very small dots. You will have processed these experiences and you will find out that they aren't as obsetting as they used to be. They become less and less significant.

I started this practice after I had a heart attack last April. That heart attack was a direct result of me being obset about a lot of things in my life: my gender, abandonment, violence I experienced, a ->-bleeped-<-load of crap. I tried to heal myself afterwards in any way I could and found out that scientific research performed by the American Heart Association has proven that meditation can reduce the chance of getting another heart attack with 50%. You have to give it some time though, it's not like you've accomplished results after just one meditation session.

The things that occupied my mind don't obset me like they used to and that really is the result of meditation.

I hope that helps.

it helps, that's basically what they teach when you go into suicide mode at the hospital. I just hit a bad bump. I get so upset sometimes at the road ones travels to finally find yourself.

[Adena]

Yeah, I know the feeling of so much wasted time. But I am trying to focus on the road ahead and be thankful that at least now I am on the road to freedom and I can still have great joy in my life even as some of the way ahead will be difficult to navigate.
For the first time this week I told someone in the flesh in person I am transgender, that I struggle with general identity - my doctor. It felt good, I am no longer afraid (at least not like before, I still worry about reactions from others as I continue this journey - but less fearful, if that makes sense.) Next it will be on to find a gender therapist that can help me navigate. Instead of shrinking at the idea of psychotherapy, etc. like I would have before, I am embracing it and looking forward to getting assistance.

I guess I'd summarize in this way: It' never, never too late. Forget what lies behind you that you can do nothing to change anyway; instead seize your future with all the vigor you can muster!

Love,
Denali

[JoanneB]

For me letting go of the past manifests in a different way. For some 'Odd' reason I want to be miserable. I feel that I deserve to be sad, unhappy, or otherwise punished for being who I am. For what I am.

No matter how much Joy I feel being out in the real world as the real me, there is some innate desire punish myself 

[stephaniec]

I know that feeling well

[JoanneB]

I wish my therapist would know know it! "I get" the normal platitudes. Often proselytize them. But.... Deep down I am just wasting my time trying to convince myself they are true when "Life" is kicking you in the gonads

[stephaniec]

My therapist is trying to stop me from taking a two by four to my head.

[Adena]

My therapist is trying to stop me from taking a two by four to my head.

Please don't Stephanie, this is a really bad choice for alternative therapy!
(and I can confirm that it doesn't work very well.)

Hang in there!

Love,
Denali

[JoanneB]

Given the choice between a 2x4 up the side of the head or banging my head on the cinder block wall.... I'll take the 2x4

[stephaniec]

I guess if it's made of balsa wood it's ok

[KyleeKrow]

Well....with me, I've shifted my focus more onto how better my future is going to be, and enjoy all the things going on in the present. I still get to live those moments, and if I feel like I'm missing out on something, I don't see what keeps me from doing it now. I mean, I wish I could've spent my whole life how I wanted... But I don't think I would be as strong as I am if my life had been different. I'm not sure if I would be the same person.

[stephaniec]

well, the future is what keeps me going. Today I went into a CVS with no make up and everyone referred to me as female. I thing the estrogen is really making itself known.

[Janes Groove]

a lot of people say "when you're in a hole. stop digging."

i say, "what if i'm digging my way out?"   

[stephaniec]

a lot of people say "when you're in a hole. stop digging."

i say, "what if i'm digging my way out?" 

if you dig enough you can always visit the Great Wall Of China if you live in the Americas

[Wednesday]

Aw, have a googol hugs!

I would like to echo what Frae said, it's not your fault. I like very much Leibnizs concept "best of all possible worlds". It was just the needed process. When tough processes happen to smart people (as in your case) and, of course, are handled/dealt smartly they often produce really beautiful results. I would risk to say the tougher the better is the final product.

I also really think its possible to let the past go. I noticed how curious... when we dwell on past and blame ourselves for not taking action on something... to an extent, we're falling in the same mistake again: not doing what can be done, investing our present on nothing (in this case, dwelling on our past).

i say, "what if i'm digging my way out?"

Nice one. Unfortunately in thought realm earth may be infinite. Damn logical (un)limitations