Really scared.

[Bubblegum-Girl]

This is getting so frustrating that I can barely function normally anymore. I even avoid answering the door, speaking aloud and talking on the phone...Oh wait, i don't have/want a phone until i become girl . How am I suppose to transition when I get embarrassed so easy? I mean, everyone else my age has Jobs, friends, social experience and huge families that are supportive and stuff. The worst part is that I already have long hair and a super feminine face, it just hurts so bad because I don't have any time alone to play with cute hairstyles and makeup without someone busting in. I hate having to stuff my hair under a hat to avoid drawing attention to it. My parents and brother keep making fun of me for wearing the hat all the time because can't come up with a good reason for keeping it on... that really hurts my feelings.  I've already been caught dressing up before, but I'm now trying to make everyone forget about it by acting like I hate everything that has to do with trans and not taking care of myself/avoiding everything girly. Some here might say that i should wait till I'm older and out of the house, but I don't think I'm mentally strong enough to watch my body grow more masculine than it already is. I am kind of underweight and I have an eating disorder. Sometimes I even injure myself until I bleed before I go to sleep. Basically, I don't want to look in the mirror one day and discover that I will have to go through a hard transition. but I'm so pathetic that I haven't looked at myself in a reflective surface for nearly a year(yes, i'm not joking). It feels like i will have an automatic death if I pass a certain age.

My dad actually discussed it with me one day, but my mom basically had zero tolerance...Isn't the mom suppose to be the supportive one!?!? I don't know how to drive, so I have to go with my parents and wear clothes that THEY want me to wear. I cant take it anymore. All I need is for someone to understand what i'm going through and help me. All I want is for someone to hug me and love me for who I really am! Why can't i stop crying and hurting myself? I just want to be normal.
Anyone else been through a situation like mine?
Sorry for the long stupid post, I'm feeling lonely again.

[Emily-G]

This sounds like me in my teens and to be honest, it really sucked!

While I can say I wish I had transitioned then as opposed to wrestling with these same feelings in my late 20s (now), I can say with much certainty that it isn't the end of the world. Do not do what I did, I turned to drugs, and just began self-medicating myself with oxy-cotton daily, weed, xanex and everything else under the sun.

You will be okay.

Try to find some hobbies to keep your mind busy, and perhaps some more online communities you can live as yourself. If you start feeling really bad, bite the bullet and talk to your parents. I don't care how unaccepting they are, I am sure they don't want their kid feeling that way. At the very least, they might get you in therapy. Most therapist recognize gender issues, unless it's a religious affiliated therapist.

[crazycool86]

Im not going to sugar coat this! I was in the army 8 years got out of the army in 2013 I came out to my wife, some friends, and family. your not going to be happy until you just let them know. there is no sense in  continuing to try to hide it when it makes you miserable. trust me I hid it for 11 years. Im only 29 but 11 years is a long time to hide something. Im so happy now. why be miserable when you could be happy. I would definitely  suggest soeaking to your parents asap and just let them know the real you. If you were my child i would rather tou come out to me rather than hurting yourself trying to keep a secret. If all else fails and you do come out to them and they dont accept it. I have an extra bed lol im sure my wife wouldn't mind lol. I'm sure they will support you though. just make sure your comfortable though. Definitely stop hurting yourself. I know what your going through i jave dealt with depression for awhile now. Just imagine your mom helping you put on makeup and teaching you how to paint your nails. Sounds nice right? well you have to start somewhere. Best of luck to you Bubblegum!

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[byanyothername]

This sounds like me in my teens and to be honest, it really sucked!

While I can say I wish I had transitioned then as opposed to wrestling with these same feelings in my late 20s (now), I can say with much certainty that it isn't the end of the world. Do not do what I did, I turned to drugs, and just began self-medicating myself with oxy-cotton daily, weed, xanex and everything else under the sun.

You will be okay.

Try to find some hobbies to keep your mind busy, and perhaps some more online communities you can live as yourself. If you start feeling really bad, bite the bullet and talk to your parents. I don't care how unaccepting they are, I am sure they don't want their kid feeling that way. At the very least, they might get you in therapy. Most therapist recognize gender issues, unless it's a religious affiliated therapist.

I can strongly sympathise with both of you here. I too self harmed a lot in my teens, hated myself and was very socially anxious. I then started self medding using weed mainly until I was 28, when I quit smoking due to health reasons. I then realised what I'd been doing to myself for all those years.

It's easy to regret all that time but it's behind me now. You need to do what's best for you now, rather than delaying the inevitable. But please stop self harming, I've been there and have permanent scars on my upper arms. It's not nice.

Concentrate on positive thoughts and feelings, even if it's just in your imagination. And start talking to your family. Once they realise you are serious they may treat you better than you think!


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