thoughts on keeping vs changing your last name?

[greencoloredpencil]

Hey everyone,

Lately I've been thinking about what to do with my last name. I have an initial inclination to keep it, but I know there are some disadvantages to that and some real advantages to changing it. I don't want to give away too many details of my particular situation, but I'll be transitioning pretty openly at work. I don't have any real hope of complete stealth, but it still might be nice to have a different last name so that I don't immediately raise suspicion to any new people in my life at some point. My reasons for wanting to keep my last name, on the other hand, are mostly aesthetic. My current last name isn't very common and I've always kind of liked it.

What thoughts do others have about this? Which way did you go and why?

[Tristyn]

I want to change my entire name.

At first, I wanted to at least keep my last name and have my middle name as a combination of my mother's maiden name and my own androgynous nickname. But now I want them completely changed. It isn't just to help with being successfully more stealth but also because I am having quite the fallout with my family and had enough of their circuses. Changing my last name really symbolizes the disconnect I feel physically and mentally with them. I'm not sure if you can relate to that, but I am all for you deciding to swap out your last name for a new one any day if your fam's been as indifferent to the real you as mine have and hopefully they haven't. >.<

[greencoloredpencil]

I want to change my entire name.

At first, I wanted to at least keep my last name and have my middle name as a combination of my mother's maiden name and my own androgynous nickname. But now I want them completely changed. It isn't just to help with being successfully more stealth but also because I am having quite the fallout with my family and had enough of their circuses. Changing my last name really symbolizes the disconnect I feel physically and mentally with them. I'm not sure if you can relate to that, but I am all for you deciding to swap out your last name for a new one any day if your fam's been as indifferent to the real you as mine have and hopefully they haven't. >.<

You make such a good point. I'm only out to my father as far as family goes and he's taken it fairly well. I'm confident that all my other relatives will take it horribly though. Besides that, I do have some reasons to distance myself from relatives anyway now that I think about it!...

[Katiepie]

My last name is very unique, well at least in the state I currently reside in. I have done a search other than the fact only knowing of relatives of which I only found out about when I was 14. There's only that part of the family, and then Ohio and Pennsylvania is mainly where others with my last name are. Aside from a company from Hong Kong that shares the same name as well, ironic as it may be due to the fact its a German name, and I am also Chinese.
But more to the point of what I was getting at. When I do officially change my name, for both respect for my moms side of the family and for aesthetics for my initials I will  change my last name to my mothers maiden name as well as carry a family tradition for having Ann as my middle name.

Kate <3

[Tristyn]

When I do officially change my name, for both respect for my moms side of the family and for aesthetics for my initials I will  change my last name to my mothers maiden name as well as carry a family tradition for having Ann as my middle name.

Kate <3

I really do respect that. I think that is a very adult decision that you made in wanting to change your last name but in regards for the honor you have for your mom and her family.

I thought I could be adult enough to do something like that. But I can become so unforgiving and hateful that I rush into things without really thinking them through and make unchangeable decisions like name changes only to turn around full of regret in the end. But I hope in this case, it'll be the right decision for a change. >.>

[stephaniec]

I'm keeping the entirety of my name , feel no need to change

[Sharon Anne McC]

*

Two of my primary factors why I changed my surname were (1) an absent emotional connection to an abusive adopting family and (2) their surname is a quite uncommon and rare name that would have easily been recognisable had I retained it and only changed my first name.

That was nearly 40 years ago and I still remain satisfied that I made the correct decision for me.

*

[Eevee]

If there's a personal reason to change your last name, I say go for it. I'm changing mine because my dad is being a terrible person to me and I never liked being related to him. I don't want his name anymore, so I'm changing my last name to one from my mom's side of the family. My mom isn't accepting of me either, but her side of the family is. Instead of picking up her maiden name, I'm using my grandmother's.

[Dena]

I didn't have much of an issue with my name other than it was masculine, I played games with the letters in my first name. The feminine version of my middle name wasn't very attractive so I browed the middle name from somebody I worked with and I was fine with the family name. My last name has come to mean even more to me as I have been tracing the family tree and I have gained respect for the many people who made it possible for me to exist where I am.

[Katiepie]

Thank you Phoenix.

Also in the respect I have for my fathers side of the family and all, I will always remember the name as it is hard to separate from the name. I also know he will understand completely for the change of names.

Kate <3

[BeverlyAnn]

I will most likely keep my last name although I have given some consideration to using my mom's maiden name simply because it sounds better with Beverly Ann.  Not really that great a reason to change it.  😉

[Tristyn]

Thank you Phoenix.

Also in the respect I have for my fathers side of the family and all, I will always remember the name as it is hard to separate from the name. I also know he will understand completely for the change of names.

Kate <3

Geez. Can we trade dads? I'm kidding, but its just you sound like you have a great relationship with yours and that he is supportive of you. I'm truly glad that not every transgender person has a fallout with their fathers after they come out to them.  🙂

[NerissaGrace]

I think a lot of it has to do with how much it represents closeness with your family. In my case, because of marriages, divorces, etc., I was the last one left with it and I was never that fond of it to begin with, so the decision was easy. Picking it, however, was a lot more work. Although I did notice that virtually all of my choices sounded like someone from Downton Abbey 🙂

[Kylo]

I want to change my whole name.

I don't think it's disrespectful to family since my father never gave much of a hoot about me and it's his surname I'll be doing away with. And anyway, "what's in a name?" as they say.

Really depends on if you feel deep familial connections with your name or don't want to upset people. But if you have nobody to upset like me, there's not much of a downside. 

[Katiepie]

Phoenix,

If I could share my daddy, I wouldn't mind. I just really hope one day, you will be able to reach a time where your father can understand and be a bit more respectful.

Before this post may get a stone in the railway of this thread, for a chance of derailing. It may be best if we might continue any discussion on this matter either in PM or such.

Back on track with names. It is basically a representation of our own actions, and outlook to having a name that has been there or to change it. Moving forward for the better.

Kate <3

[sparrow]

My last name is peculiar, and people naturally gravitate towards using it as a nickname.  My brother and I are the only kids in my generation with the name, so I've considered just ditching my first name and simply going mononymous rather than picking a first name to fit.

[Devlyn]

I'm going to change everything. I'm going for the clean slate and putting things behind me.   

Great topic!

Hugs, Devlyn

[heholetsgo]

I'd say a lot of it depends on the relationship you have with the family who carry the name. If they are supportive (or grow to be supportive) then you may end up regretting changing it, but then again, its not the biggest deal

[Jamie_06]

I'd rather transition as seamlessly as possible and I want to make it easier for everyone around me. I already go by a gender-neutral first name (Jamie) which I plan on keeping, so I plan on keeping my last name the same as well.

[JLT1]

My old name was Thomas.  Jennifer was the name given to me by a good friend.  When I  heard him say that I knew it was my name.  The original thought I had was to be Jennifer L Thomas, hence the JLT in JLT1, and to drop my old last name.

In the end, I decided not to go stealth wheny wife decided to stay.  So, I kept my last name.

Jen