Might be worth the risk

[EmilyRyan]

So apparently there's a possible loophole I may be able to take advantage of if lucky enough.  I was doing my usual browsing on ->-bleeped-<-, at the MTF sub->-bleeped-<-, when I got to talking to one girl who has been using her parent's health insurance plan to get hormones and she has been having to do it all in secret because despite her parents somewhat not caring if she transitions they forbid her from using their insurance for transition purposes.  So yeah after doing a little chatting I found out that it seems possible to keep any sort of statements from being mailed and being discovered by parents just by not signing what is called a HIPAA release and therefore keeping any unwanted people from finding out you're getting hormones.  Thank goodness for privacy laws.   

Anyway since I'm lucky enough to still be on my parent's insurance plan I wanna try to arrange it where they won't ever find out I went and got an appointment to get on hormones.  If all goes according to plan I just might have a shot. 

[DanielleA]

I have always felt that honesty is the best policy and I presume that your parents either disapprove or don't know about your intent to transition. I was just thinking about their policy and thought " what happens if you use up all the policy money towards pharmaceutical needs and then they go to use it.... To find that the policy has been used up". If you can be open and honest with your parents it might work out. If not, then it might be a good idea to find out how much policy money you can work with or find a less risky way to pay for your hormones.

[stephaniec]

I have to agree being deceptive with your parents especially since it's their policy doesn't seem to be a wise decision . Honesty seems always to be the best approach. I don't know how policies work , but if there is a cap on medicines and given your parents are probably not youngsters they might need something.

[Ms Grace]

They may not receive any direct notifications, but I find it hard to believe they won't find out one way or another.

[DanielleA]

Last week I called up my health insurance people to ask about how much money I can use towards getting new glasses (optical) and they told me straight up. All it takes is a phone call.

[Tamika Olivia]

I may be in the minority here, but I see this as morally permissible. Yeah, naturally honesty is the best policy, but you are taking care of a health need. If your parents were denying you insulin or a blood transfusion, based on some irrational belief, you would be well within your rights to seek either treatment. The fact that they are fronting the bill for the insurance does not give them a veto over your healthcare decisions, and if honesty would give them that veto, then forego honesty. Just do it with open eyes... if it comes out what you're doing, it may damage the relationship beyond repair. And your insurance would likely end.

[FTMax]

If their insurance is anything like mine, they may have access to an online hub where they can view things. Mine has a policy description, a breakdown of my annual expenses (to see how much I've put towards the out of pocket maximums), regular explanation of benefits for every visit/procedure/etc., and a direct messaging function to customer support. With something like this, it would be impossible to hide. It lists my doctors name and address on each explanation of benefits entry, and specific procedures/diagnoses as well.

[FTMDiaries]

I know you feel desperate to get started with your transition; I doubt there's anyone here who doesn't know how that feels & who wouldn't sympathise with your situation. But if you go behind your parents' backs and use their policy - that they pay for - without their permission for something you know they're vehemently against, you run the risk of betraying your parents' trust and permanently damaging your relationship. The question is: is that risk worth it? If it saves your life, then I'd say it is definitely worth it. But think carefully about the long-term consequences: how are they likely to react if they find out?

But that's a problem for a later date. Right now, you need to take care of yourself and that probably means getting started on your transition. Your parents have made the decision to keep you on their policy and pay for whatever medical care you need. That's their decision, but that's where their influence ends. Because you are an adult, they have no right to interfere with the type of medical care you choose to receive, even if they've decided to pay for it.

As an adult, you do not need your parents' permission for anything, even if you're still living under their roof because you're living under their roof as an adult (like a house guest or a lodger), not as a child. It sounds like your parents are still treating you like a child: if you want them to start treating you like an adult, you need to drive that forward yourself by demonstrating your independence. Nobody ever gives you permission to do this; you have to do it yourself. That's very hard to do when your parents have been overbearing and you'll meet resistance at first, but it has to happen if you're to take charge of your life.

A fully-grown woman may do as she pleases; if it pleases you to go to the doctor, then that is precisely what you should do. And if you do so, remind your doctor that under State law you are entitled to strict confidentiality, which means your parents are not to be contacted or informed about the purpose of your treatment, and you could also request that all correspondence must go to a different address (e.g. college, or a friend's house) to protect your confidentiality.

[cheryl reeves]

As a parent I know one thing very well, never ever go behind your parents back for anything for it can and in disaster. Do you work if so look into getting your own policy but do not and I mean do not go behind their backs for it will and in disaster. Be honest with them act like an adult.. My son knows first hand not to go behind my back and be deceptive, but he is 25 and has his own policy, he still lives at home and still lives by my rules and he knows I love him and have helped him with his trans questions.

[EmilyRyan]

I get the concerns everybody has and trust me going behind my parents back like this is the absolute very last thing I wanna do but the zero support and how they feel about trans people in general just plain hurts and there's nothing I can do to change that and I've tried by being honest and coming out.  You know what honesty has gotten me??  More overbearingness, can't hangout with friends because they believe they put ideas in my head like I can't think for myself, and frankly they don't look at me the same anymore.

The only jobs I qualify for don't pay enough to get even the cheapest insurance plans or provide insurance and I don't qualify for Tennessee's Medicaid because I'm not disabled and don't have kids.  The only way I'll ever have health insurance of my own is if they ever offers plans with premiums as low as 20 dollars and no deductibles, that's never gonna happen, or Tennessee's Medicaid eligibility rules include those just simply can't afford insurance.

Again I don't like going behind my parent's back but what choices do I really have and I don't really wanna wait another two decades just to save up money to see a doctor.       

[Dena]

Depending on the policy, mine has a $3,500 deductible on it and the outstanding amount is mailed directly to me. If your policy is set up that way, your parents will question you on why you are seeing the doctor and a quick check of the name may determine that it's and Endo. You may have a good deal of explaining to do.

[FTMax]

I get the concerns everybody has and trust me going behind my parents back like this is the absolute very last thing I wanna do but the zero support and how they feel about trans people in general just plain hurts and there's nothing I can do to change that and I've tried by being honest and coming out.  You know what honesty has gotten me??  More overbearingness, can't hangout with friends because they believe they put ideas in my head like I can't think for myself, and frankly they don't look at me the same anymore.

The only jobs I qualify for don't pay enough to get even the cheapest insurance plans or provide insurance and I don't qualify for Tennessee's Medicaid because I'm not disabled and don't have kids.  The only way I'll ever have health insurance of my own is if they ever offers plans with premiums as low as 20 dollars and no deductibles, that's never gonna happen, or Tennessee's Medicaid eligibility rules include those just simply can't afford insurance.

Again I don't like going behind my parent's back but what choices do I really have and I don't really wanna wait another two decades just to save up money to see a doctor.       

I think the prevailing thought pattern in this thread is not that you shouldn't go behind their back for honesty's sake, but because you will be found out probably very quickly and then you'll be worse off than when you started. The reward in the short term does not outweigh the longer term risk.

[EmilyRyan]

What should I do then??  The sad part here is that I'm lucky to have really good insurance while I still can but can't use it to transition because my parents think being trans is a terrible thing.  I can always beg and plead for their support but what good would that do?? I sure don't a repeat of what happened when I tried coming out the first time that's for sure. 

[Dena]

No matter what you do, there is no quick easy way to transition. All totaled, mine ran from age 13 to age 30 with many steps involved in it. Some of it you can avoid because the medical treatment I needed to wait for already exist most everywhere. My transition was all paid out of my own pocked and other than a few small birthday/christmas presents, all medical expenses where paid for with money I earned. I wanted it that way because if I discovered I made a mistake, I didn't want my parents to feel guilty about ruining my life.

It is pretty simple, you need to make a plan, work hard at finding and keeping a job, save your money and get insurance personally or through work. Then you need to start the really hard work of transitioning.

[Melanie ♡]

I think you should do what makes you happy, if that is backstabbing and lying to your parents, then go ahead! Transition is very expensive, I used my mom's money without telling her at first too, to get my hormones. Did she accept me? No. Did she found out? No, but I can't say that they will not find out about you. I think you may start taking advantage of your parents insurance to start hrt, but still try to find a job, in the case they found out, so you have money on the side, as a safety net (or other transition expenses, like clothes and laser). Also people go to Endos for a lot of reasons, not just to transition, you can always lie to them. Good luck  <3

[XKimX]

As see it, using medical insurance for your own needs as an "additional beneficiary" is not going behind their back, it is using your rights as a paid up member of the insurance system.  In such systems, there is a single rate and a family rate.  To include your mother ( I assume), your father has chosen the family rate, and you have your own card.  You are free baggage under such a system.

I know of no insurance plan that sends to the primary policy holder a list of charges made.  You pay the co-pay amount, and that is it.  Same for pharmaceuticals.  You pay the co-pay and walk with your meds.  If there are any questions, your insurance company will call the doctor, not your parents.

Fail-safe, however, is to sign up under your own name for Obama Care.  Assuming your income is not huge and you are over 18, there are subsidies.  A very modest expense for total privacy in your medical care.

My message is that you do not need to be afraid of using benefits that accrue to you under your policy, even if someone else is paying for it.  The concern of the insurer is fraud, not who you might be seeing and paying for under your legit use of an insurance card.  Chutspah is always a good strategy.

[Leslie36369]

Would this information show up through the insurance provider? I would think if you refused to sign the HIPPA release form they would have to keep confidential all information. Meaning legally they couldn't release info to your house or provider. The only thing you will have to find out, will they release the fact you visited the office. If not you're in the clear.

That being said I also feel like hiding this will just bite you in the a$$ in the end. Eventually your parents will noticed you have transitioned and if there are any complications you may want them in the loop.

I personally haven't made large strides with my transition, but the first thing I did was tell my mom. I did that before I saved my beard off lol.

Just something to think about. In the end you will do what makes you the most comfortable. So good luck in whatever you do.

[KarynMcD]

I know of no insurance plan that sends to the primary policy holder a list of charges made. 

There is always an Explanation of Benefits for every visit.

[FTMax]

As see it, using medical insurance for your own needs as an "additional beneficiary" is not going behind their back, it is using your rights as a paid up member of the insurance system.  In such systems, there is a single rate and a family rate.  To include your mother ( I assume), your father has chosen the family rate, and you have your own card.  You are free baggage under such a system.

I know of no insurance plan that sends to the primary policy holder a list of charges made.  You pay the co-pay amount, and that is it.  Same for pharmaceuticals.  You pay the co-pay and walk with your meds.  If there are any questions, your insurance company will call the doctor, not your parents.

Fail-safe, however, is to sign up under your own name for Obama Care.  Assuming your income is not huge and you are over 18, there are subsidies.  A very modest expense for total privacy in your medical care.

My message is that you do not need to be afraid of using benefits that accrue to you under your policy, even if someone else is paying for it.  The concern of the insurer is fraud, not who you might be seeing and paying for under your legit use of an insurance card.  Chutspah is always a good strategy.

Every doctor's visit I go to, I pay a co-pay. Then I get an email sometime in that same week with an Explanation of Benefits. This details (1) where I went, (2) what doctor I saw, (3) what charges they made, (4) what of those charges insurance will pay for, and (5) what my portion of the expenses is. In addition to the email, I also have them mailed so I can keep track of my out of pocket expenses for tax purposes.

This has been my experience with every plan I've had (I've had 4 as an adult). I checked with my mother earlier, and she said she received EoBs from my doctor's office when I was on her plan and starting HRT. So your information is incorrect.

Obviously the best thing to do for privacy's sake is to get your own plan or pay out of pocket.

[EmilyRyan]

Fail-safe, however, is to sign up under your own name for Obama Care.  Assuming your income is not huge and you are over 18, there are subsidies.  A very modest expense for total privacy in your medical care.

I would absolutely love to do that but the problem is the only plans that were available at my level either had premiums through the roof or deductibles through the roof no in-between and Tennessee refuses to expand Medicaid and I made way too little for any subsidies that I could get.