What made you unhappy today? 7.0

[Rachel_Christina]

Unhappy... maybe not the right word. But definitely a bit put off and irritated. My step-brother has an mtf trans cousin who is fully presenting female. I mentioned it was sort of a strange coincidence that Facebook kept recommending her as a friend first on the list based off just being mutual with my step brother and step sister when other people who I had more mutuals with were much further down the list. Thought it as interesting is all. But talking about it, he just constantly dead named her and used wrong pronouns. Not maliciously, he has some, lets just say socialization issues that play into that sort of thing, making him sort of actively oblivious (comes across as inconsiderate sometimes, but its a lack of consideration born from his own issues and not that he is a jerk at all). It bothered me though, but I wasn't really sure how to address it with him so I just sort of kept pointedly using the right name/pronouns hoping he'd take the hint. (He did not.)

This then played in with some other stuff that I shouldn't get fully into here, so will leave it at that. Might bring it up my thread once I organize my thoughts about it.

My brothers do that to me all the time. I honestly don't worry about it too much. It's not worth getting annoyed about it. Especially considering you think he has issues.
Sometimes not giving a **** is the absolute best way. The abuse I receive everytime I go home should have me swinging. But I just have learned and really got it down to a T to not care atall. And it has totally aloud me to flourish. The problem they think I have is turned right around and thrown on them, now they have the problem :'3
And I never fight with them about, just do my thing

[TicTac]

I think I might be schizophrenic and I am really upset about it. Why can't I just be fricking normal? I have had minor auditory hallucinations throughout my life, but I did not think much of it. I had a mental breakdown a month ago, or at least I think it was because I started seeing weird things such as wires moving, and other things which caused me to cry uncontrollably during the episode. Ever since then there has been very minor hallucinations but they do not happen often which is good.

I talked about these events to my therapist today and she looked very concerned. I guess it does not help that I have also been suicidal these past few weeks. She asked me if I knew what a psych ward was, which freaked me out because I feel like she was hinting at something. Unfortunately it seems I have the beginning signs of schizophrenia, at least according to google.

I really hope that this is not the case, because I already suffer from social anxiety and plus the stress of being transgender does not help.

Some good things came out of that therapy session though so that is good.

[Roll]

I think I might be schizophrenic and I am really upset about it. Why can't I just be fricking normal? I have had minor auditory hallucinations throughout my life, but I did not think much of it. I had a mental breakdown a month ago, or at least I think it was because I started seeing weird things such as wires moving, and other things which caused me to cry uncontrollably during the episode. Ever since then there has been very minor hallucinations but they do not happen often which is good.

I talked about these events to my therapist today and she looked very concerned. I guess it does not help that I have also been suicidal these past few weeks. She asked me if I knew what a psych ward was, which freaked me out because I feel like she was hinting at something. Unfortunately it seems I have the beginning signs of schizophrenia, at least according to google.

I really hope that this is not the case, because I already suffer from social anxiety and plus the stress of being transgender does not help.

Some good things came out of that therapy session though so that is good.

First things first: No one is truly "normal". I am the child of a psychiatrist and work with my father and step mother's company (which oversees and provides psychiatric nurse practitioners for the state and large hospitals) providing IT. As such, while I am just on the periphery of the mental health industry, even then have seen that point driven home time and time again. No matter how put together or "normal" everyone else seems, there is no telling what is really going on behind the scenes. And if you do have schizophrenia (which I am not saying you do), so do countless other people, and you should never feel ashamed of it. "Mental breakdowns" are extraordinarily common as well, and I've had my share as well.

I hope I am not overstepping my bounds by saying the following, but on the off chance it is of any help... If, and I stress *if*, things do continue to get worse, don't be afraid of or put off by people throwing out references to psych wards, or anything else for that matter. Therapists, doctors, and so forth will throw out a lot of ideas and possibilities, but just because they mention it doesn't mean they are saying that is what is right for you or that they are going to "have you committed" or something to that effect. It is their job to give you the options and explain them properly (not that they all do). There are tons of possible approaches to dealing with those sorts of things, and any decent healthcare provider will shape their approach to you and not just what they think you need, but what *you* *want*. Remember the all important detail far too many people forget: At the end of the day, the healthcare industry is a service industry. They work for you, and except for in extreme cases they absolutely cannot tell you what to do or force you to do it. (Also, just in general: Forget the cliches and stereotypes you may have of what a psych ward is from movies, that's really, really not what they are at all.)

(And I'd say we should start a special club for those of us dealing with both severe social anxiety and being transgender, but I'm pretty sure that would pretty much be the entire forum pretty much anyway. The venn diagram between those two things is pretty much just one circle. <3)

[Allison S]

My mom just told me "you're a boy. Nothing about you is a girl; not your face, not your body and not your height" ... I'm prepared to never see her again

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[MollyPants]

My mom just told me "you're a boy. Nothing about you is a girl; not your face, not your body and not your height" ... I'm prepared to never see her again

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Oh Allison that's really awful. I'm so sorry that you've had to go through that.

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[Allison S]

Oh Allison that's really awful. I'm so sorry that you've had to go through that.

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Thanks. I'm just tired emotionally. I didn't even say anything back to her I just broke down crying... It still hurts. I don't know if I can take it anymore

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[natalie.ashlyne]

Thanks. I'm just tired emotionally. I didn't even say anything back to her I just broke down crying... It still hurts. I don't know if I can take it anymore

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I am sorry Allison I know you are strong just hang in there I am sorry she said that she is probably scared of losing her son and does not know how to react. Just stay strong you are pretty.

[V M]

Waited about to go to my endo appt. but the transport never showed, oh well I'll have to reschedule 

[TicTac]

First things first: No one is truly "normal". I am the child of a psychiatrist and work with my father and step mother's company (which oversees and provides psychiatric nurse practitioners for the state and large hospitals) providing IT. As such, while I am just on the periphery of the mental health industry, even then have seen that point driven home time and time again. No matter how put together or "normal" everyone else seems, there is no telling what is really going on behind the scenes. And if you do have schizophrenia (which I am not saying you do), so do countless other people, and you should never feel ashamed of it. "Mental breakdowns" are extraordinarily common as well, and I've had my share as well.

I hope I am not overstepping my bounds by saying the following, but on the off chance it is of any help... If, and I stress *if*, things do continue to get worse, don't be afraid of or put off by people throwing out references to psych wards, or anything else for that matter. Therapists, doctors, and so forth will throw out a lot of ideas and possibilities, but just because they mention it doesn't mean they are saying that is what is right for you or that they are going to "have you committed" or something to that effect. It is their job to give you the options and explain them properly (not that they all do). There are tons of possible approaches to dealing with those sorts of things, and any decent healthcare provider will shape their approach to you and not just what they think you need, but what *you* *want*. Remember the all important detail far too many people forget: At the end of the day, the healthcare industry is a service industry. They work for you, and except for in extreme cases they absolutely cannot tell you what to do or force you to do it. (Also, just in general: Forget the cliches and stereotypes you may have of what a psych ward is from movies, that's really, really not what they are at all.)

(And I'd say we should start a special club for those of us dealing with both severe social anxiety and being transgender, but I'm pretty sure that would pretty much be the entire forum pretty much anyway. The venn diagram between those two things is pretty much just one circle. <3)

Wow, thank you for the reply and information Roll. I really appreciate it 

Susan's place should have an area to discus social anxiety, as a lot of people who are transgender seem to have it. A bit surprising, but oh well.

Yeah, I did some research on psych wards after I saw her, and it is not as bad as I thought it would be. I was thinking they were going to lock me in a room for months on end or something, but apparently it is only for a few days at most. She did tell me that she would have me sent to one if I threatened to kill myself after I left, or had a plan on doing it. I am not going to get into details but before I saw her I definitely did have a plan to do it, and the only reason I didn't was because there was nowhere to hang myself. Probably for the best that I did not tell her that, as I would still rather not go to a ward.

Anyways, I am feeling better after seeing her and so yeah. I am not to fond of talking about my problems on forums, because they seem a bit attention seeking, which is not my intent at all. Due to how dark I guess my problems are I think it is best to keep these thoughts to myself, and honestly I am not looking for sympathy as I know that in the end only I can fix myself.

It is pretty cool that your family owns a company, and it is awesome that they are helping people!

Thank you again for taking the time to reply as you definitely did not have to.

[TicTac]

My mom just told me "you're a boy. Nothing about you is a girl; not your face, not your body and not your height" ... I'm prepared to never see her again

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Jesus, that is pretty awful. I am assuming, but it sounds like your mom is having a hard time with your transition and maybe she should see a therapist. I told my mom she should have one, as she has expressed to me that she wishes she could make me not be transgender anymore.

Sorry you have to go through this. 

[Dee Marshall]

A couple of points, Tic-tac, I'm in a psych field, too, although these days I mostly work with non-psychiactric populations. Social anxiety disorder IS extremely common in any overly stressed population; transgender people, people with traumatic brain injuries, oppressed minorities. It's worse when these people have few supports, better when they have a supportive community. That's the point of Susan's.

As to what you describe, suicidal idiation, it's not a cause for committal and it only leads to.a 72 hour hold if you have a plan and the intent. They keep.you long enough to get past.the crisis and to see if the source demands further care of some sort. In our case the source is pretty obvious and the solution is well known, transition.

I've struggled with this all my life (only one attempt, when I was extremely young).

Now that your mother has "kindly" exposed your stressor, your toxic environment, you can work to remove the real problem in whatever way you think best rather than resort to a "permanent solution to a temporary problem".

[emoji3], and maybe get a semicolon tattoo.

The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.

[Charlie Nicki]

My mom just told me "you're a boy. Nothing about you is a girl; not your face, not your body and not your height" ... I'm prepared to never see her again

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So sorry for that sending you hugs.

[Roll]

Anyways, I am feeling better after seeing her and so yeah. I am not to fond of talking about my problems on forums, because they seem a bit attention seeking, which is not my intent at all. Due to how dark I guess my problems are I think it is best to keep these thoughts to myself, and honestly I am not looking for sympathy as I know that in the end only I can fix myself.

Oh, you should never worry about being "attention seeking" or worrying about people thinking you are! While there are definitely social/communal aspects of the site, first and foremost it serves as a support forum, and so you should always feel free to talk about whatever is on your mind! (My own little blog thread is a bizarre mix of cheerful offhand one-liners back to back with posts where I'm in tears freaking out over whatever my issue is that week. )

A wonderful thing about these communities and support group settings as well is that people aren't just going to offer you vague sympathy (which can certainly feel demeaning), but true empathy. While no two of us are exactly alike or have the exact same experiences, the common ground in those experiences is vast. For example, I replied to you here because I could relate.

(Also, there is nothing to fix, you aren't broken! Just human. Treating something, be it depression or schizophrenia is not about fixing what is broken, but more akin to steadying a course. If you take a wrong turn, you don't need to stop and fix the car, you just find a way to get back on the path you want to be on. Key words there being "you want" again. )

It is pretty cool that your family owns a company, and it is awesome that they are helping people!

Thank you again for taking the time to reply as you definitely did not have to.

Oh sweetie, no thanks is needed, it was genuinely my pleasure. I owe this community so much more than I can ever repay in a million lifetimes.

A couple of points, Tic-tac, I'm in a psych field, too, although these days I mostly work with non-psychiactric populations. Social anxiety disorder IS extremely common in any overly stressed population; transgender people, people with traumatic brain injuries, oppressed minorities. It's worse when these people have few supports, better when they have a supportive community. That's the point of Susan's.

As to what you describe, suicidal idiation, it's not a cause for committal and it only leads to.a 72 hour hold if you have a plan and the intent. They keep.you long enough to get past.the crisis and to see if the source demands further care of some sort. In our case the source is pretty obvious and the solution is well known, transition.

I've struggled with this all my life (only one attempt, when I was extremely young).

Now that your mother has "kindly" exposed your stressor, your toxic environment, you can work to remove the real problem in whatever way you think best rather than resort to a "permanent solution to a temporary problem".

[emoji3], and maybe get a semicolon tattoo.

The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.

Just quick clarification, that was Allison speaking about her mother not TicTac. TicTac just replied to her.

[davina61]

Deed poll came back AGAIN after saying it needed to be shown as exhibit A they now want a plain copy GRRRRRRRRRRRRR

[Dee Marshall]

Just quick clarification, that was Allison speaking about her mother not TicTac. TicTac just replied to her.

Thanks. I lost track of the thread.


The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.

[HappyMoni]

I had a very vivid dream in which I was angry at my family. I then found my sister and was so excited because in my dream she was real. I was sure I wasn't dreaming. I then woke up and it hit me, she has been gone since 2007. I miss you and love you Laura. XO
Monica

[JudiBlueEyes]

Monica I'm glad you had a nice dream about your sister, but sad she's gone from your life.

[HappyMoni]

Thank you Judi! Ten years almost and it still hurts.

[TicTac]

A couple of points, Tic-tac, I'm in a psych field, too, although these days I mostly work with non-psychiactric populations. Social anxiety disorder IS extremely common in any overly stressed population; transgender people, people with traumatic brain injuries, oppressed minorities. It's worse when these people have few supports, better when they have a supportive community. That's the point of Susan's.

As to what you describe, suicidal idiation, it's not a cause for committal and it only leads to.a 72 hour hold if you have a plan and the intent. They keep.you long enough to get past.the crisis and to see if the source demands further care of some sort. In our case the source is pretty obvious and the solution is well known, transition.

I've struggled with this all my life (only one attempt, when I was extremely young).

Now that your mother has "kindly" exposed your stressor, your toxic environment, you can work to remove the real problem in whatever way you think best rather than resort to a "permanent solution to a temporary problem".

[emoji3], and maybe get a semicolon tattoo.

The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.

Hmm a semicolon tattoo? Uh...what is a semicolon I am just going to google that later maybe. Yes, I did go to school I promise lol. Oh my gosh this does not look good...

I never realized how common social anxiety was. I am both relived and saddened by that fact. For the longest time my anxiety prevented me from interacting with people in real life and online. I am embarrassed to say that to this day my mom still makes my phone appointments because I am to afraid to do it myself. I only just recently (a few months ago) was able to build the courage to talk to people on forums and such. I used to be terrified of the idea but it has gotten better.

I wonder why I suffer from this? Maybe it was my childhood as the men my mom dated treated me very poorly apparently, but strangely enough I do not remember much. I guess it is probably for the best that I don't though.

You know, this would not bother me if I was like 10, but at 23 years old it is or can be seen as odd, but like you guys said there is no such thing as normal. Sometimes I wonder if I have avoidant personality disorder, but does it really matter if I do? Everyone knows I suffer from anxiety, and they are both the same thing basically.

Sorry for talking about my life's story, but it does feel nice to share.

I did not know you struggled with suicide...I am sorry. Though I am glad you are doing better!

Thank you for the reply and information!

[TicTac]

Oh, you should never worry about being "attention seeking" or worrying about people thinking you are! While there are definitely social/communal aspects of the site, first and foremost it serves as a support forum, and so you should always feel free to talk about whatever is on your mind! (My own little blog thread is a bizarre mix of cheerful offhand one-liners back to back with posts where I'm in tears freaking out over whatever my issue is that week. )

A wonderful thing about these communities and support group settings as well is that people aren't just going to offer you vague sympathy (which can certainly feel demeaning), but true empathy. While no two of us are exactly alike or have the exact same experiences, the common ground in those experiences is vast. For example, I replied to you here because I could relate.

(Also, there is nothing to fix, you aren't broken! Just human. Treating something, be it depression or schizophrenia is not about fixing what is broken, but more akin to steadying a course. If you take a wrong turn, you don't need to stop and fix the car, you just find a way to get back on the path you want to be on. Key words there being "you want" again. )

Oh sweetie, no thanks is needed, it was genuinely my pleasure. I owe this community so much more than I can ever repay in a million lifetimes.

Just quick clarification, that was Allison speaking about her mother not TicTac. TicTac just replied to her.

You are right, and I am not sure why I said those things, as I like sharing my thoughts and stuff. Maybe I guess it is because of all the problems I talk about, and I was afraid people saw me as desperate for attention, but like you said Susan's place is a community for people who well, need A community I suppose lol.

Thanks for replying!