What made you unhappy today? 7.0

[4A-GZE]

Sometimes I feel almost convinced that there's a chance I'll wake up tomorrow as a cis woman, having never had to deal with any of this. It's just so unfair that I have to live like this, to the point where I seriously feel like it can't be real.

That's what has me down today.

[emma-f]

My passport change has now been approved. Yey.

They would not let me change the gender marker to F though. Boo.

And on contacting Expedia to change my name on a flight I have coming up, the agent kept referring to me as sir. Even when I informed him of my situation and my new name. "So sir, your name is now Emma..." grrrrr

[Kendra]

And on contacting Expedia to change my name on a flight I have coming up, the agent kept referring to me as sir. Even when I informed him of my situation and my new name. "So sir, your name is now Emma..." grrrrr

Even if the gender marker on your passport is currently out of sync, if Emma is your legal first name I don't see any reason why Expedia can't use your preferred pronoun when you talk to Expedia. 

I'd suggest contact Expedia and ask them to update or note your records so their agents stop referring to you as sir.  If Expedia refuses to do that, let me know and I will take my business to one of their competitors.  I've used Expedia for quite awhile and I travel often. 

You are the customer, and without customers they don't have a business.

[davina61]

Yesterday went to a food stall for mini steak pie and mushy peas (very tasty) wearing my new sun hat , shirt dress that shows a bit of cleavage and holding a purse and got SIRED very badly, the last one as I walked away "enjoy your meal SIR. Arse hole. but made better when waiting at the bar for a drink and had "this ladies first"

[big kim]

Got lost again, Manchester this time, Helmshore Sunday

[emma-f]

Even if the gender marker on your passport is currently out of sync, if Emma is your legal first name I don't see any reason why Expedia can't use your preferred pronoun when you talk to Expedia. 

I'd suggest contact Expedia and ask them to update or note your records so their agents stop referring to you as sir.  If Expedia refuses to do that, let me know and I will take my business to one of their competitors.  I've used Expedia for quite awhile and I travel often. 

You are the customer, and without customers they don't have a business.

Thanks Kendra. When I followed it up my flight details were all changed for free and the call back used proper pronouns, so I'll assume for now the agent was merely confused because the booking was in the name of sir. All good now 😁

[jaybutterfly]

A >-bleeped-< time of it with the gender services. Conversation was idiotic an non sensical

Dr: how do you feel about your secondary sex characteristics?
Me:I didnt like them when the first came through and it only got more intense
Dr: Ah so you refused to grow up then?
Me: I didnt say that....

Dr: So you think you are trans but you like sports?
Me:What's wrong with that? I know a girl who just won world competitive status in powerlifting?
Dr: But girls dont do that...

Dr: so you got diagnozed with dyspraxia as a child, what about autism
Me: they tested me for autism repeatedly throughout my life up into higher education. Dyspraxia has some overlap but if they believe autism is more likely, they diagnose that instead (cite: Dyspraxia foundation UK)
Dr: Well I think you're autistic (we are half an hour into the appointment)
Me: well as I said, I was tested and they dont think so, and this was over several years
Dr: I think you are autistic and not trans
Me: and I know Im not autistic from years of testing so yeah?

It was like banging my head on a brick wall all day and I left appropriate feedback.

[4A-GZE]

I'm kind of having a crisis right now. I'm not going to hurt myself, though. But I don't know what to do. I'm just so tired of this. I feel like nothing will ever get better. No matter what I do I won't look or sound the way i feel I'm supposed to. Don't lie to me and say that i will. I'm not going to ever be comfortable in my own skin. I just have no motivation for anything because I don't see a point. I only shower like twice a week. I haven't taken out the trash in forever. There are flies in my kitchen and I have half a gallon of milk that expired on the 15th. I can't take care of myself. I go to bed at like 7 because there's nothing worth staying up for. I have no friends and I live alone. I have zero support. I'm scared to come out to my family because I'm scared that they can't make me feel better. I go to sleep every night hoping that I'll wake up tomorrow and this will have all been a dream. I want to give up. I don't want to die; I just want to give up. I want to quit my job, run away, and start over. But I can't, because I'll run into the same problems regardless what I do. I'll never be a real woman in my own mind, no matter what anyone says.

[Dena]

I'm kind of having a crisis right now. I'm not going to hurt myself, though. But I don't know what to do. I'm just so tired of this. I feel like nothing will ever get better. No matter what I do I won't look or sound the way i feel I'm supposed to. Don't lie to me and say that i will. I'm not going to ever be comfortable in my own skin. I just have no motivation for anything because I don't see a point. I only shower like twice a week. I haven't taken out the trash in forever. There are flies in my kitchen and I have half a gallon of milk that expired on the 15th. I can't take care of myself. I go to bed at like 7 because there's nothing worth staying up for. I have no friends and I live alone. I have zero support. I'm scared to come out to my family because I'm scared that they can't make me feel better. I go to sleep every night hoping that I'll wake up tomorrow and this will have all been a dream. I want to give up. I don't want to die; I just want to give up. I want to quit my job, run away, and start over. But I can't, because I'll run into the same problems regardless what I do. I'll never be a real woman in my own mind, no matter what anyone says.

What would it take to help you? Treatment? Somebody to talk to? Progress in another area? Some of these things we can help you with and you only need to ask. Possibly you think it's not possible to be a woman but you haven't tried yet. The transition is far more that changing your appearance as it also requires a mental adjustment. There is no reason to live in the dumps when help is available for the asking.

[4A-GZE]

What would it take to help you? Treatment? Somebody to talk to? Progress in another area? Some of these things we can help you with and you only need to ask. Possibly you think it's not possible to be a woman but you haven't tried yet. The transition is far more that changing your appearance as it also requires a mental adjustment. There is no reason to live in the dumps when help is available for the asking.

I'm honestly not sure. I kind of feel like nothing will help. I really just need to see a professional, but I'm not sure I can afford it.

[Faith]

I'm honestly not sure. I kind of feel like nothing will help. I really just need to see a professional, but I'm not sure I can afford it.

We have several local Gender Therapists that adjust their rate based on means. Don't give up, search around and see if there is one in your area.

[4A-GZE]

I finally gave in and told my parents again (I came out once before, but they sort of blew it off. They were going to find me a good counselor to talk to about it, but that just never ended up happening) and they're going to help me find someone now. Thanks for taking the time to talk to me, though, both of you. It means a lot.

Of course, now I'm back to worrying about work. I know that some of my coworkers would be supportive outright, and a few would be reluctantly tolerant, but there are two that I'm especially worried about, as well as others I just can't read into at all. I think my best bet is to try to transfer if and when I start to transition, right at the point where I can't hide my boobs anymore. Even if i end up with bigoted coworkers, I'd rather meet them as a woman than become one after the fact. That way I won't have to rely on them to adjust for me.

Of course, this is all assuming I can even keep my job. My boss is one of the ones I can't read.

[Faith]

Work can be a point of anxiety and fear. I've worked where I am for 9 years, interacted (due to my job requirements) with just about everyone. So, when I 'came out' here I had no idea what would happen. All-in-all, it's gone well. Anyone that may find it personally, um, distasteful, is not allowed to say anything. I know of one out of the hundreds here. Everyone else is either  Eh, Whatever or supportive.

What I'm saying is, try not to let it get to you. As you introduce changes it'll all work out.  I am wearing a dress today. I wore a skirt last week. Nothing but compliments.

[Donica]

I was misgendered by the wife of new elderly couple that moved into our apartment building last week. I bumped into her in the laundry room. She kept calling me sir, even after I introduced my self as Donica. I was even presenting as female? I don't think she meant anything by it. I just think she may have had a lot on her mind? Oh well, I got over it.

[GingerVicki]

I got my United Healthcare supplemental plan signup done. A nice perk since I have Medicare and Medicaid.

[jaybutterfly]

I got a call about the doctor I saw from the services. It's been investigated and they asked me if I want to make a formal complaint. Its been two weeks now, I haven't done because I don't want to turn this into something I feel could drag out long term, but given I have no physical proof of comments made, a part of me from my anxiety/depression side wonders if I'm liable to any backlash or retaliation for raising my upset and the comments that were made in the form of some kind of legal pathway like a lawsuit?

[4A-GZE]

Trying to make friends, getting super discouraged. I swear I'm not just being overdramatic when I say that almost everyone I ever associate with ends up just dropping contact with me without warning. I've lost all of my closest friends this way. They just get tired of me and leave forever.

So of course I have issues when it comes to making new friends. I feel like they're silently judging every single thing I do and they're always going to find some reason to hate me. One time I was making small talk with a new friend and she asked me what i was most scared of. I told her that I'm scared of losing my friends. The very next day, she told me that she got back together with her boyfriend and, as she is moving later this year, she was going to spend the rest of her time with him instead. I want to say that I understand, but I still feel like I did something wrong. Why can't she make time for me at all?

I'm sorry that I complain here so much. I just have a horrible social life and this is one of my only outlets.

[SiobhánF]

Girl, complain on here as much as you want. That's what it's here for. I feel you on the friend thing, though. I've gotten to the point where I figure that the ones that stay are the real VIPs.

[Northern Star Girl]

Trying to make friends, getting super discouraged. I swear I'm not just being overdramatic when I say that almost everyone I ever associate with ends up just dropping contact with me without warning. I've lost all of my closest friends this way. They just get tired of me and leave forever.

So of course I have issues when it comes to making new friends. I feel like they're silently judging every single thing I do and they're always going to find some reason to hate me. One time I was making small talk with a new friend and she asked me what i was most scared of. I told her that I'm scared of losing my friends. The very next day, she told me that she got back together with her boyfriend and, as she is moving later this year, she was going to spend the rest of her time with him instead. I want to say that I understand, but I still feel like I did something wrong. Why can't she make time for me at all?

I'm sorry that I complain here so much. I just have a horrible social life and this is one of my only outlets.

@4A-GZE   Feel free to complain... just as @SiobhánF stated in her comment to you, this is why this thread is titled "What made you unhappy today? 7.0"

It is always good therapy to write out our frustrations, disappointments and complaints.... this helps us to mentally process positive solutions to our life issues.

Many of the  things that you described in your post are things that I have dealt with in my transistion...  after being full-time now for 3 1/2 years, I still am not accepted by my parents and family and any of my old friends back home.   I have made a point of making new friends that accept me and every day I am outgoing and friendly with a big smile on my face.
On my profile, my byline is: 
    "If you want friends, be friendly, be the first to smile and introduce yourself."

On my good friend's profile here on the forums, @Jessica has a wonderful thought about making friends:
    "If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."
   
Everyone's situation is unique, so do what makes sense for you in how you handle your life.

Thanks for posting and sharing your thoughts.
Hugs,
Danielle

[itsApril]

I got a call about the doctor I saw from the services. It's been investigated and they asked me if I want to make a formal complaint. Its been two weeks now, I haven't done because I don't want to turn this into something I feel could drag out long term, but given I have no physical proof of comments made, a part of me from my anxiety/depression side wonders if I'm liable to any backlash or retaliation for raising my upset and the comments that were made in the form of some kind of legal pathway like a lawsuit?

I'm in USA, not UK, so there's a lot about NHS Gender Services I don't understand.  But it seems to me that you SHOULD file a formal complaint.

In most complaint systems I'm familiar with, one of the things you do is to specify what you are seeking in resolution of your complaint.  The obvious one here is that you don't want THIS doctor to have anything further to do with your case.  My guess is that if you file the formal complaint and specify that as your desired resolution, that's how it will turn out.

I think it's also valuable in a larger sense to put this doctor's comments on a formal record.  The dialogue you related in your earlier post indicates this doctor either doesn't belong in Gender Services or, at the very least, he needs a lot of retraining.

Don't worry about the fact that you can't "prove" what he said.  YOUR testimony is evidence.  If he denies it, he denies it.  But even the fact that he HAS to deny it will make him less likely to make similar remarks to another person in the future.  (As he gets ready to pop off with some offensive remark to his next patient, a little bell will ring in his head and he will think "Maybe I'd better not say that!  Last time I said that, the patient filed a complaint against me!")  And that's progress.

Here's another reason not to worry about "proving" what he said.  I highly doubt that this doctor has never done anything like this before.  Most likely, he has made similar remarks to lots of patients.  It may very well be that there are already earlier formal or informal complaints about him.  Or that there WILL BE later complaints.  Even though there's no audio recordings of the conversations, if different people, unrelated to each other, report the same type of behavior, that's VERY persuasive evidence.

Here's the bottom line.  NHS was established to serve the health needs of the people of the UK.  UK staff ultimately works for YOU.  You shouldn't have to put up with being abused or belittled in seeking appropriate healthcare services.