What made you unhappy today? 7.0

[jaybutterfly]

I'm in USA, not UK, so there's a lot about NHS Gender Services I don't understand.  But it seems to me that you SHOULD file a formal complaint.

In most complaint systems I'm familiar with, one of the things you do is to specify what you are seeking in resolution of your complaint.  The obvious one here is that you don't want THIS doctor to have anything further to do with your case.  My guess is that if you file the formal complaint and specify that as your desired resolution, that's how it will turn out.

I think it's also valuable in a larger sense to put this doctor's comments on a formal record.  The dialogue you related in your earlier post indicates this doctor either doesn't belong in Gender Services or, at the very least, he needs a lot of retraining.

Don't worry about the fact that you can't "prove" what he said.  YOUR testimony is evidence.  If he denies it, he denies it.  But even the fact that he HAS to deny it will make him less likely to make similar remarks to another person in the future.  (As he gets ready to pop off with some offensive remark to his next patient, a little bell will ring in his head and he will think "Maybe I'd better not say that!  Last time I said that, the patient filed a complaint against me!")  And that's progress.

Here's another reason not to worry about "proving" what he said.  I highly doubt that this doctor has never done anything like this before.  Most likely, he has made similar remarks to lots of patients.  It may very well be that there are already earlier formal or informal complaints about him.  Or that there WILL BE later complaints.  Even though there's no audio recordings of the conversations, if different people, unrelated to each other, report the same type of behavior, that's VERY persuasive evidence.

Here's the bottom line.  NHS was established to serve the health needs of the people of the UK.  UK staff ultimately works for YOU.  You shouldn't have to put up with being abused or belittled in seeking appropriate healthcare services.

I had a phone conversation with them last night, they have  said I am entitled to my views and they are very concerned. They have investigated him and they have bent over backwards to accommodate me. My second opinion is in 6 weeks as opposed to six months, and I have my original assessor, the head of the services, as my chaperone, so I am feeling a lot happier. The people I am seeing now are mainly focused on gender dysphoria. The guy I saw, upon reading up, is Freudian based guy with masculinities as his main interest.

There were problems last year with doctors threatening to sue people for bad feedback and complaints as defamation of character, and in the state the health services are, I would also be concerned about how protected I am to express myself.

[4A-GZE]

Thanks, you two! It feels nice being included here, at least.


And of course, something else that pisses me off more than it should:
I work in junk removal and can keep what I find. Yesterday. I found an AC unit that happened to include some extremely strong magnets. I wanted those magnets, just for fun. I told my partner I was keeping them. He told me that he wanted the whole AC unit, so he needed all the parts. Reluctantly, I gave him my magnets. No big deal, really.
But then this morning I came to work and found the AC still on the truck, heading for the dump.... without the magnets.

This 40-year-old man basically stole what is essentially a toy from a 23-year-old coworker. I've never liked him anyway, but that was the most childish thing I've ever seen him do.

[Roll]

So I recently picked back up World of Warcraft to play with a friend who really needs it (long story, those who have read my thread may know a bit who I'm referring to) and found out that Blizzard for... "Security purposes"... won't let you change the name on the account without a court order. And I won't have legal name change for months still. So meanwhile, every time I log in there it is. Everyone calls me Ellie, I speak in exclusively female voice, present exclusively female, and it is not a situation I hover in the middle at all, yet I'm tagged with the name "John" for months to come.

Security purposes. It's a damn MMO not a bank.

[Northern Star Girl]

So I recently picked back up World of Warcraft to play with a friend who really needs it (long story, those who have read my thread may know a bit who I'm referring to) and found out that Blizzard for... "Security purposes"... won't let you change the name on the account without a court order. And I won't have legal name change for months still. So meanwhile, every time I log in there it is. Everyone calls me Ellie, I speak in exclusively female voice, present exclusively female, and it is not a situation I hover in the middle at all, yet I'm tagged with the name "John" for months to come.

Security purposes. It's a damn MMO not a bank.

@Roll
Dear Ellie: 
OH, the trials and tribulations of being trans and trying to get name and gender changes done....  just when you think you have them all changed, surprise, surprise a new unchanged document comes in the mail...
...and then of course the difficult ones like your game login....  and hang on, there will certainly be others to deal with.   

Perhaps just sign up with a brand new account???
Hugs,
Danielle

[4A-GZE]

My partner at work today decided to blow off our last job, and I'm such a pushover that I didn't stop him. So now there's a guy waiting for us and we're not coming. He told him to reschedule, but I'm thinking he's going to call corporate before anything. I'm just paranoid now. I might get fired because I'm too weak to stand up for myself and I just went along with my partner.

[jaybutterfly]

I've come to terms with the fact today I may need to leave my job.

Crummy hours down to an unliveable earning of 11 hours at minimum wage, reduced responsibilities, being pushed into things like cleaning, given no respect by fellow staff and to top it all off, Im patsied with everything that goes wrong because if one of the 'more key' members of staff (ie the ones who are providing classes at the leisure centre I work at) are to be upset by rightful disciplinaries for <not allowed>, they will leave and harm the business. I get it in the neck because work others should do isnt finished or done properly and Im expected to pick up after people who are supervisor level that can't be arsed.

I would earn a few pence more an hour and get potentially more hours as a pizza delivery driver. It would be double hours I get too, with set times for start and end of shift, and because it would be regular (unlike my current job where my shifts can be 5am-midnight with no idea when or how my shifts are spread out on a contract of 11 hours), I can actually have a routine where I am able to work my animation, writing and other pursuits into my time.

Im a bit sad though that this is what has become of my job, I did initially enjoy it, but between everything that has been going on, I cannot cope with this more.

<Moderator edit - removed profanity>

[Kitty June]

I've come to terms with the fact today I may need to leave my job.

Crummy hours down to an unliveable earning of 11 hours at minimum wage, reduced responsibilities, being pushed into things like cleaning, given no respect by fellow staff and to top it all off, Im patsied with everything that goes wrong because if one of the 'more key' members of staff (ie the ones who are providing classes at the leisure centre I work at) are to be upset by rightful disciplinaries for <not allowed>, they will leave and harm the business. I get it in the neck because work others should do isnt finished or done properly and Im expected to pick up after people who are supervisor level that can't be arsed.

I would earn a few pence more an hour and get potentially more hours as a pizza delivery driver. It would be double hours I get too, with set times for start and end of shift, and because it would be regular (unlike my current job where my shifts can be 5am-midnight with no idea when or how my shifts are spread out on a contract of 11 hours), I can actually have a routine where I am able to work my animation, writing and other pursuits into my time.

Im a bit sad though that this is what has become of my job, I did initially enjoy it, but between everything that has been going on, I cannot cope with this more.

<Moderator edit - removed profanity>

Hey hun, I transitioned while a pizza driver. You get thicker skin because of it. I guess it depends on your town though. I'm in a pretty liberal city and most people are really nice. Plus nobody knew me so that was a great way to do it. 
Other than surgery and some electrolysis I've transitioned. I have an office job and they treat me as the woman I am. It's not a secret but someday people might forget or I'll move on.
Basically, do what you need to and don't worry about the >-bleeped-<s.
Hugs
Kitty

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[DawnOday]

I feel sorry for you brave souls who decided to be the person you were meant to be early in life. Beats hiding in the closet until you retire although my future is secure my past was a wasteland of self hate and dysphoria. I hope you get to show your talents with an employer who appreciates the effort without prejudice.

[Faith]

walked into a room where my co-worker was referring to me (general conversation) and used my old name. I do try to allow for long term people having trouble, it still irks me though.

walking past a guy in the hallway and got a "How's it going bud?" Really, with my hair, outfit, and boobs pointing proud? I am not a 'BUD"

crappy feelings on an already crappy feelings day

[Donica]

walked into a room where my co-worker was referring to me (general conversation) and used my old name. I do try to allow for long term people having trouble, it still irks me though.

walking past a guy in the hallway and got a "How's it going bud?" Really, with my hair, outfit, and boobs pointing proud? I am not a 'BUD"

crappy feelings on an already crappy feelings day

I hear you Faith. The same thing here. 2 of my co-workers call me by my new name but there's still 5 who call me by my old name. I can't be sure but I think one of them is just insecure about hurting my feelings and just doesn't call me anything. No name at all since I came out at work a month ago. It hasn't been that long yet, so I still have a lot of patience with them, even though it irks me too.

Hugs,
Donica.

[Northern Star Girl]

walked into a room where my co-worker was referring to me (general conversation) and used my old name. I do try to allow for long term people having trouble, it still irks me though.

walking past a guy in the hallway and got a "How's it going bud?" Really, with my hair, outfit, and boobs pointing proud? I am not a 'BUD"

crappy feelings on an already crappy feelings day

@Faith:
Dear Faith;
I know that this sounds trite, but we can not control how others act and we can not control what they say.... but we are in full control of how we react and how we feel about all of that.

The best thing you can do it to ignore what they are saying, and go confidently about your business... your self-control is important to how you exude self-confidence and self-assurance in your transitions journey.
Be strong, continue to be determined to reach your goals.

Hugs and well wishes as always,
Danielle

[Faith]

I didn't really let it get to me, it did irk me and, admittedly, did dampen my mood a bit. I recovered.

@Faith:
Dear Faith;
I know that this sounds trite, but we can not control how others act and we can not control what they say.... but we are in full control of how we react and how we feel about all of that.

The best thing you can do it to ignore what they are saying, and go confidently about your business... your self-control is important to how you exude self-confidence and self-assurance in your transitions journey.
Be strong, continue to be determined to reach your goals.

Hugs and well wishes as always,
Danielle

[Allison S]

I'm feeling the stress and pressure. And my mind is going to dark places I really do try to avoid.. But for some reason it's harder tonight.
I have to "come out" to my mom or at least be more direct and I guess because I'm going to be living with her it scares me. A lot. She can't kick me out or anything, but I really don't want a negative living space again. It'll really crush me I think...

Another thing is the pace of my transition. This is partly my fault, for not working/making money to afford what I need, but it still brings me down.

The 3rd thing is talking to guys. Or rather them talking or not talking to me. This has been happening for as long as I can remember since 6th grade, when a crush of mine toyed with my emotions and my mind... This went on to high school, college and now.. With multiple guys. I'm starting to think maybe it isn't because I'm trans and there's just something wrong with me. Maybe guys just see me as someone they can toy with and toss out? I have so many stories, so many times I'm used, and I don't mean just physically... But that too. It really stings and I know I need to avoid dating completely.

Sorry I'm probably really oversharing. But yeah.. That's how unhappy I am right now.



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[Northern Star Girl]

@Allison S
My dear Allison:
I am so very sorry to hear of your difficulties.  Stress and pressure can really do a number on you and can affect you in every thing that you do. Much of that will go somewhat away when you finally settle with your mom... better sooner than later in my opinion.

Regarding your pace of transition, since I have been following you since early February I have seen amazing progress... but for any of us it is never as fast as we desire, plus we are our own worst critics and we seem to see imperfections that others don't even notice.  It is about time that you see the beauty in yourself that all of us that follow you see.

Oh, and guys talking to you and possibly toying with you... I have had plenty of that as well.  It made me realize that I had to be very selective about what guys I let into my "friend" circle... once I did that, problem mostly solved.
There will always be undesirable friends and would be suitors trying to get into your circle of trust, but you have to realize that you are the "gate-keeper" and you can let in or you can reject whomever you wish.  Don't let any of them bully you, taunt you, or toy with your emotions or with you physically.  Take a firm stand.

Hang in there Allision, you are a beautiful person and I think that you are transitoning better that you think.

Hugs, and hugs,
Danielle

[Allison S]

@Allison S
My dear Allison:
I am so very sorry to hear of your difficulties.  Stress and pressure can really do a number on you and can affect you in every thing that you do. Much of that will go somewhat away when you finally settle with your mom... better sooner than later in my opinion.

Yes, I plan on it Monday evening when I see her I think. My sister seems to be supportive and she will be there to hopefully have my back... If/when I need it... I hope.

And that's another thing.. I had a "friend" pull away from me over something I don't understand. I had done the same by distancing myself back in January... So I don't know, I'm sad to let the friendship go but it might be both our doing at this point. The difference is in January I tried talking to her and she told me I was blaming other people for my problems, which I never did. I was just venting some of my frustrations. Well the tables turned and recently she asked the group of people we're "friends" with for help with rent money and I think 2 of them agreed they would. Well she told me they never did and that she was upset at them (actally blaming her problems on others, but she does have a reason here.. I guess?). See I never asked or expected anything from anyone. I just questioned the same exact group of people's friendship and they honestly did prove me right in this situation with my friend (only because they promised her and went back on their word...). I let things go though or tried to but I'm realizing I give people too many chances. That's my fault...

@Allison S

Regarding your pace of transition, since I have been following you since early February I have seen amazing progress... but for any of us it is never as fast as we desire, plus we are our own worst critics and we seem to see imperfections that others don't even notice.  It is about time that you see the beauty in yourself that all of us that follow you see.

Thank you again Danielle. Yes, some others did post nice replies to me earlier on this thread about talking with my mother. Otherwise people generally don't reply to my comments on here unless I had directly responded to or quoted them first. Luckily I have friends from this site that I talk to daily on whatsapp, but that's about it...

@Allison S

Oh, and guys talking to you and possibly toying with you... I have had plenty of that as well.  It made me realize that I had to be very selective about what guys I let into my "friend" circle... once I did that, problem mostly solved.
There will always be undesirable friends and would be suitors trying to get into your circle of trust, but you have to realize that you are the "gate-keeper" and you can let in or you can reject whomever you wish.  Don't let any of them bully you, taunt you, or toy with your emotions or with you physically.  Take a firm stand.

I know you can somewhat relate on this. It's just growing up repressing my female identity for so long took a toll on me. I'm trying to understand what about me kept me in that cycle for a while. It was mostly when I was a teenager to my early 20s. I don't think the guys intended to hurt me...  Now that I'm estrogen fueled and trying to move on, I feel a ressurgance of some sort of vengence feeling? It hurts me actually and I know it will keep doing that because if I hold on to bitterness.. Well it'll probably suck the life out of me.

Anyway, I don't want to take over this thread. I just didn't know where else to post and let this out. Thanks again for responding Dani. ☺

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[Northern Star Girl]

snipped:

Yes, I plan on it Monday evening when I see her I think. My sister seems to be supportive and she will be there to hopefully have my back... If/when I need it... I hope.
- - -- - - - - - -
And that's another thing.. I had a "friend" pull away from me over something I don't understand. I had done the same by distancing myself back in January...
- - - - - - - - -
I know you can somewhat relate on this. It's just growing up repressing my female identity for so long took a toll on me. I'm trying to understand what about me kept me in that cycle for a while. It was mostly when I was a teenager to my early 20s. I don't think the guys intended to hurt me...  Now that I'm estrogen fueled and trying to move on, I feel a ressurgance of some sort of vengence feeling? It hurts me actually and I know it will keep doing that because if I hold on to bitterness.. Well it'll probably suck the life out of me.
- - - - - - - -
Anyway, I don't want to take over this thread. I just didn't know where else to post and let this out. Thanks again for responding Dani. ☺

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@Allison S
Dear Allison:
Here are some brief comments to your your reply of which I only quoted salient snippets.

Oh, by all means, make very certain that your sister is nearby or even involved in the conversation with your mom...
.... safety in numbers as they say.   I will be rooting for you that you have a positive talk with your mom.

Ahhhh, friends pulling away for varying reasons..... this is called life and happens to all of us, sometimes we are left wondering why and what did we do to cause this.   Friends will come and go, but real and true friends will always be there for you through your good times and your bad times  Talk to any older person, they many times can count their really best life long friends on one hand...
I am still saddened by my old friends that I had before I transitioned... none, I mean none, of them even talk to me any longer, won't return my texts or calls and have stated that they do not agree with nor do they accept my transition.........   well, up where I live now I have an entirely new set of very close and good friends that only know me as Danielle, the woman that moved up here to start an accounting business.

And..... relating to guys... some will indeed try to hurt you (women too) ....  vengeance is not a good response so just pull away, cross them off of your "circle of friends" list and move on to those that accept you and like you for who you are.

Your post is most welcome on this thread, and no, you are not taking it over, the things that you stated were right in line with the title of this thread... "What made you unhappy today? 7.0"

As you feel so led, you can certainly PM me as you have done in the past....
.... anytime for anything you want to discuss.   I am always ready to lend a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen.

Please take care of yourself, be positive about reaching your transition goals, and always knot that we are your biggest fans here on the forums.

Hugs, and more hugs,   
Danielle

[Allison S]

snipped:
@Allison S
Dear Allison:
Here are some brief comments to your your reply of which I only quoted salient snippets.

Oh, by all means, make very certain that your sister is nearby or even involved in the conversation with your mom...
.... safety in numbers as they say.   I will be rooting for you that you have a positive talk with your mom.

Ahhhh, friends pulling away for varying reasons..... this is called life and happens to all of us, sometimes we are left wondering why and what did we do to cause this.   Friends will come and go, but real and true friends will always be there for you through your good times and your bad times  Talk to any older person, they many times can count their really best life long friends on one hand...
I am still saddened by my old friends that I had before I transitioned... none, I mean none, of them even talk to me any longer, won't return my texts or calls and have stated that they do not agree with nor do they accept my transition.........   well, up where I live now I have an entirely new set of very close and good friends that only know me as Danielle, the woman that moved up here to start an accounting business.

And..... relating to guys... some will indeed try to hurt you (women too) ....  vengeance is not a good response so just pull away, cross them off of your "circle of friends" list and move on to those that accept you and like you for who you are.

Your post is most welcome on this thread, and no, you are not taking it over, the things that you stated were right in line with the title of this thread... "What made you unhappy today? 7.0"

As you feel so led, you can certainly PM me as you have done in the past....
.... anytime for anything you want to discuss.   I am always ready to lend a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen.

Please take care of yourself, be positive about reaching your transition goals, and always knot that we are your biggest fans here on the forums.

Hugs, and more hugs,   
Danielle

Wow I see you can definitely relate... I do look up to you for picking up everything, moving and starting your business and life somewhere new. That takes a lot of courage and intelligence. Especially starting your own business. Danielle, like you say "wow-whie!" indeed!!
I'm glad other people's (nonsensical) actions haven't driven you to be a downer. At least not on here.. You do a good job of helping others, me especially, but I'm always here to listen too if you need.

I'll be honest I don't know what will help me yet. I'm just trying to manevuer and navigate as best as I can... I'm definitely functioning at the least of my capabilities.. Also, I think it just might be hrt but I'm not sure. It gives me a headache thinking about everything I have going on... I hope I can resolve things or at least try to.

I'll let you know when I talk to my mom, I think tomorrow evening when I see her.

[emoji173][emoji4]

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[big kim]

Liquid cucumber in the fridge!

[4A-GZE]

I created the Southeastern Gambler 500 rally last year. This year, a professional photographer came along and took photos of every car during the hardest portion.... except for mine. I'm looking through his photos and I see the Jeep in front of me and the S-10 behind me, but nothing in between.

Okay, fine. That's one thing. But at one point during the rally itself, I was told to just go home. "Your truck won't make it through this part," they said. But the stock Honda Civic will? It was painfully clear that they didn't want me there anymore, and now... looking at these pictures, I can see that they just plain didn't want me the whole time.

I don't understand. I literally started the whole event. They wouldn't be there without me. Why don't they like me?

[GingerVicki]

I created the Southeastern Gambler 500 rally last year. This year, a professional photographer came along and took photos of every car during the hardest portion.... except for mine. I'm looking through his photos and I see the Jeep in front of me and the S-10 behind me, but nothing in between.

Okay, fine. That's one thing. But at one point during the rally itself, I was told to just go home. "Your truck won't make it through this part," they said. But the stock Honda Civic will? It was painfully clear that they didn't want me there anymore, and now... looking at these pictures, I can see that they just plain didn't want me the whole time.

I don't understand. I literally started the whole event. They wouldn't be there without me. Why don't they like me?

Oh no that's horrible. What is wrong with people?