What made you unhappy today? 7.0

[4A-GZE]

I had a date. It went pretty okay. I really, really liked her and I want to see her again.

But here's the thing... she's trans, too, and she's much further along than I am. I haven't even started hormones yet and she's over there with big boobs and no thick body hair and.... I just felt so invalid. The whole time, I was just wondering if I came out too soon... maybe things would have gone better if I had met her as a guy. I don't even know if she's into guys, but still. I just feel so sad right now because she's just so much better than I am.

[Kitty June]

I had a date. It went pretty okay. I really, really liked her and I want to see her again.

But here's the thing... she's trans, too, and she's much further along than I am. I haven't even started hormones yet and she's over there with big boobs and no thick body hair and.... I just felt so invalid. The whole time, I was just wondering if I came out too soon... maybe things would have gone better if I had met her as a guy. I don't even know if she's into guys, but still. I just feel so sad right now because she's just so much better than I am.

She has also been where you are. Don't burst yourself up hun. We all know it's a  process

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[V M]

Stupid neighbors and their highschool level nonsense

[LizK]

The last conversation I had with my father is that I was done with my immature cowardly transphobic brother(didn't use those words) and to no longer intervene on my behalf as I want no more to do with him. My Father lost his temper at me over this...the poor guy is 77 years old and doesn't need this crap in his life....


My brother contacted me via email saying he will meet with me in a day or too. I am already done with him but it is clear from his reply my father has once again intervened. He is not going to let this go. I have agreed to attend the meeting but its not going to be pleasant in any way and I am already reconsidering if I will even go. This serves no purpose and I don't expect it to change anything just an opportunity to spew more lies and hate. If that is the case then I won't t be there very long.


This has been going on for 16 months and I suspect possible even before since before I came out but he has hidden it very well. I am so tired of it all...every time I think its over back he comes like a bad penny.

[Northern Star Girl]

@LizK
Dear Liz:
I am so sorry to hear of your "family" difficulties....  because our family knows us best and knows what buttons to press, it's always the family that can cause us the most happiness, or in this case that you mentioned the most distress and unhappiness.
The old saying that always comes to my mind with when dealing with frustrating family issues is:
    "If life doesn't deal you enough problems, you can always count on your own family"

I wish I had words and suggestions for you to deal with all of this but I would not be speaking from experience.  I also have my own unhappy family situations to deal with, and it is still ongoing without success.

Wishing you well, please stay as positive as you can.
Hugs and hugs
Danielle

The last conversation I had with my father is that I was done with my immature cowardly transphobic brother(didn't use those words) and to no longer intervene on my behalf as I want no more to do with him. My Father lost his temper at me over this...the poor guy is 77 years old and doesn't need this crap in his life....


My brother contacted me via email saying he will meet with me in a day or too. I am already done with him but it is clear from his reply my father has once again intervened. He is not going to let this go. I have agreed to attend the meeting but its not going to be pleasant in any way and I am already reconsidering if I will even go. This serves no purpose and I don't expect it to change anything just an opportunity to spew more lies and hate. If that is the case then I won't t be there very long.


This has been going on for 16 months and I suspect possible even before since before I came out but he has hidden it very well. I am so tired of it all...every time I think its over back he comes like a bad penny.

[SiobhánF]

Made a new friend through SPART*A and it was great because she offered to help me with advice on voice and carrying myself more womanly (because I, like most of us, have lived our lives blending into male culture). It was great until I asked a simple question about her methods of voice training. It wasn't the question, but me using a thumbs up when I didn't have anything to add to the conversation and I wanted to make sure she knew I got the message. Apparently, thumb ups are a pet peeve of hers and I ticked her off. Then, mentioning that I'll refrain from hand gesture responses nearly made her bite my head off. I gave it a day then sent her some pics of my day. She seemed to be friendly again. Drama, I tell you. I was gonna cut her out of my life so quickly over some emotions I was having at the moment. Like she said, our bodies (hers and mine) are at 13-year-old girl level, in relation to hormones. It made me sad for so long until I distracted myself. I was feeling so deeply wounded by that interaction. Today was a better day, at least.

[4A-GZE]

She has also been where you are. Don't burst yourself up hun. We all know it's a  process

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You're right. It just feels really weird. She's 3 years younger than I am, but it feels like I'm the one who's so far behind and inexperienced.

Not to mention, my anxiety completely ruined everything. I was so shy, awkward, and distant the whole time. I doubt she wants to see me again.

[Charlie Nicki]

Depression coming back, reliving heart break and mourning my old life. I feel worthless and don't want to do anything.

[Kendra]

Depression coming back, reliving heart break and mourning my old life. I feel worthless and don't want to do anything.

Aww hon, here's a warm hug.  Depression is devastating, I lived under a heavy cloud for years and that can cause thoughts about past and future to become really skewed.  You have already accomplished so much, and I see awesome in your tomorrow.

[4A-GZE]

I'm at work and I have to help clean out an apartment after the young tenant committed suicide. I've never had to deal with anything so traumatic first-hand like this. I don't know if I can handle it.

[Northern Star Girl]

I'm at work and I have to help clean out an apartment after the young tenant committed suicide. I've never had to deal with anything so traumatic first-hand like this. I don't know if I can handle it.

@4A-GZE
For certain, that sort of thing can be very traumatic... 
Some years ago I helped a good friend and his wife move into a house that they had bought.... the house was sold at a bargain reduced price because it was where a wife had murdered her husband with a knife a year earlier...  it was cleaned up, new carpet and paint throughout but it was difficult to sell because of the past history.... but my friend and his wife put all of that out of their mind that best that they could.... the good news is that they got the house for about half of the market value...  years later they doesn't even think about it.... it's a lovely home.

The only advice I have it to the job you have to do and move on to something more pleasant when you are done.  Perhaps spending time on the forums???  !!! 
Hugs,
Danielle

[Allison S]

Fear... It's not fun or nice. I'm trying to be productive day to day but something is seriously holding me back. I don't know if it's the emotional changes from estrogen hitting me, if it's my body changing and having to learn to adjust (and dress) to it, needing to change my name and gender marker, coming out to more people that knew me "before" transitioning and maybe even new people... I'm behind on everything right now and not to mention I still feel exhausted. [emoji45]

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[4A-GZE]

I called in sick today for a mental health break after yesterday's ordeal, so hopefully that helps.


But anyway, ugh, I'm feeling really discouraged right now for some reason. Like.... There's just so much stuff I have to do to take care of myself and I really don't know if I'm up to the task. I already struggle to force myself into the shower every day, for some reason. I'm just worried about adding electolysis appointments to my routine and other things that come with the territory of being trans. My depression and anxiety make it so hard to take care of myself already that I'm not sure I can handle any more responsibility.

[LizK]

I met with my brother yesterday about the state of our relationship and it was obvious from the start that there was never really going to be any resolution. It took me 3 hrs to get him to acknowledge that he would need to be the one to initiate the next contact as I have contacted him several times and several ways and he just plays his silly games of not responding. This was the tone for the entire conversation...I left it with him to initiate a conversation when he is ready and he assured me he would...yeah right!

I have since the conversation yesterday reconsidered my position, I had agreed to open a dialogue with him when he contacted me next. I thought about the conversation and what I realised is that any facts required to support his view of things he "Couldn't remember the details" or flat out denied what he had said. I can prove he is lying and has been but in order to do that I will have to tear him down before my parents. As appealing as that sounds it would only hurt them I won't do that so the best bet and the one that resonates with me is just to say and do nothing. Even if he does contact me I won't be returning emails or txt. If he had told some lies around the edge of the issue maybe I could forgive but when he lied about the most basic things he crossed that line.


It actually feels pretty cathartic...Meryl and I have agreed that after our conversation this morning we will not speak of him again. I have decided that for my own mental health it is better that I distance myself from all of them. I don't want any part of this....it is probably a uniquely LBGTQI+ experience to mourn the loss of family members who are still alive. So be it...such is life


Liz

[Northern Star Girl]

@liz K
Dear Liz: 
In my own life and relationship with my family members, I absolutely feel your pain.
I am in such infrequent contact with my parents since I announced my transition plans more than 4 years ago... the is no acceptance from them whatsoever..   

I am the one that has to, all the time, make the first contact, make the first phone call, ... and emails forget it, never a reply or first email from them.
   
My goal in dealing with them is to be persistent and continue trying to make contact, after-all, they are my family and they are my parents.... I still want to respect them and I feel that I owe them that.
I will have no regrets as I have always tried and will continue to try to make contact and make peace with them.

Again, I feel your pain.... best wishes to you.
Hugs,
Danielle

I met with my brother yesterday about the state of our relationship and it was obvious from the start that there was never really going to be any resolution. It took me 3 hrs to get him to acknowledge that he would need to be the one to initiate the next contact as I have contacted him several times and several ways and he just plays his silly games of not responding. This was the tone for the entire conversation...I left it with him to initiate a conversation when he is ready and he assured me he would...yeah right!

I have since the conversation yesterday reconsidered my position, I had agreed to open a dialogue with him when he contacted me next. I thought about the conversation and what I realised is that any facts required to support his view of things he "Couldn't remember the details" or flat out denied what he had said. I can prove he is lying and has been but in order to do that I will have to tear him down before my parents. As appealing as that sounds it would only hurt them I won't do that so the best bet and the one that resonates with me is just to say and do nothing. Even if he does contact me I won't be returning emails or txt. If he had told some lies around the edge of the issue maybe I could forgive but when he lied about the most basic things he crossed that line.


It actually feels pretty cathartic...Meryl and I have agreed that after our conversation this morning we will not speak of him again. I have decided that for my own mental health it is better that I distance myself from all of them. I don't want any part of this....it is probably a uniquely LBGTQI+ experience to mourn the loss of family members who are still alive. So be it...such is life


Liz

[LizK]

@liz K

My goal in dealing with them is to be persistent and continue trying to make contact, after-all, they are my family and they are my parents.... I still want to respect them and I feel that I owe them that.
I will have no regrets as I have always tried and will continue to try to make contact and make peace with them.

Again, I feel your pain.... best wishes to you.
Hugs,
Danielle

Danielle I really respect your ability to hang in there with them. I guess I am sick of being hurt by my parents...when the perpetrators play the victim its pretty hard to move forward but I commend you for hanging in there with your family.

When my father decided to choose a side to be on is when I stopped respecting him...he probably see's it different but heck why would you let facts get in the way of a good story.

Families are complicated and I think its time I bowed out and left them to get on with their lives...they don't want to have any part of my life so I think I will oblige them...this is the last time I am going to speak of my brother at all. I do love my Father but him taking sides in this was not cool...he and my brother are very much alike.

I hope all your effort to hang in there works out for you. It takes something special to be able to hang in there as you have...people don't have to say anything to be hurtful, sometimes silence is enough to do it.

Liz

[Nicole70]

Liz,

Hugs and respect, you a a fantastic woman and deserve better from them.

Nicole

[Donica]

Last nights 4 hour electrolysis session has left a unusual draining pour on my chin. It's been draining all day today? It's just one or two pours? not sure what to think of it. Any thoughts?

Donica.

[4A-GZE]

I shouldn't have called off from work. I ended up doing it a second time last week, too, and I feel myself slipping back into a very dark place. I failed my first and only year of college because of this. I was fine at first, but I got to a point where everything became so incredibly overwhelming and I just shut down. I stopped going to class. I stopped talking to my friends. I stopped brushing my teeth. I just stopped trying.
I feel like that's happening all over again, only now it could cost me my job and, by extension, my car and my apartment.


I just don't know what's wrong with me.

[V M]

I'm going to start calling Sunday "Cyber Attack Sunday" because that's when most of them happen    Today's was a bit unique from the usual kind that pop up

Anyway, did a hard shut down and restart and that seemed to get rid of it - Sometimes this world can be such a pain in the something something LOL