Quote from: Colleen_definitely on October 12, 2018, 07:37:14 AM
I sent him a coming out letter not long after we last spoke and another letter saying "it has been five months, can't you bother to say something?" letter.
I haven't tried calling, and I'm not sure what I'd say if I did at this point. Chances are reason would lose to impulse and I would end up making things even worse. I may just have to settle for finishing grad school and sending him a framed portrait of the doctorate earned by his formerly favorite child turned "disgusting queer freak." (hearsay via my aunt)
The core problem is that he's a super religious narcissist. He's not the "I can't do that, it's against my religion" type of person, his idea of faith aligns more with "You can't do that, it's against my religion."
He used to brag to his friends and coworkers about my military service and all of the crappy things I did in miserable parts of the world, and now I'm everything he preaches hate about.
So like you, I'm trying to stay hopeful but It's really hard.
Dear Colleen,
Please stay hopeful. I am rooting for you.
Thank you for your military service. Thank you so much.
Do try to keep in touch with your father.
I am fortunate to have gained acceptance of my femininity by the few to whom I came out.
Also my counselor has of course not been judgmental. I would say that 15-20 years ago I would think of myself as a straight crossdresser. It was a bit intimidating that first time to walk around a few blocks near the university in a dress and a wig. Now though, I do not think of myself as that way, but part a sensible man and part a thoughtful woman. They mesh.
Today, although rarely a day goes by that I do not enjoy wearing some outside femme clothing, usually pants, shorts, top or sweater, and no one says anything to me, I do not see doing that as absolutely necessary to peacefully accept and embrace my feminine part. I still enjoy being male and female.
I am not as of this time ready to go full time mtf living. I still prefer other outside femme clothes than dresses, and I certainly do not feel the need for surgery. My herbals have produced some gentle curves, fat in the right places, boobs that have more feminine shape than moobs, softer and glowing skin, and less body hair. Finesteride also helps makes my head hair grow well.
While I could go low dose with medical support to soothe dysphoria that arises, and may still do so, I am happy where I am at.
Hugs,
Chrissy
