What made you unhappy today? 7.0

[V M]

Hi V M

"Guys" used in the way you describe  is absolutely gender neutral. I use it this way myself but you are also right that in the context I describe, it is not....

Why not just refer to me as Liz




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Yep, my family is very unaccepting of pretty much everything other than their own opinions regarding me

Although it hurts, I know that they're not going to change and so I don't even try anymore

[Michelledeanna1989]

I have friends say dude but I've seen them do that to
Our cis female friends. I've referred to my girlfriends as
Guys too and their cis..   on the other hand this is probably
More of a Canadian thing but I feel being called buddy is more of a
Masculine term. My dad still calls me bud and it drives me nuts

[V M]

Mmmm, I don't know but when I lived in Southern California Dude, Guys, Buddy whatever were all fairly gender neutral

But possibly that's because that's what most of the cis females that I knew seem to prefer, most of them didn't like being called the common terms like Chick, Babe, Baby, Honey, Sweetheart etc. because they felt those terms to be misogynistic like they were being looked down upon or weren't being treated as equals or something

I think like mentioned earlier it's probably better to address people by their name or whatever they prefer

[Michelledeanna1989]

Mmmm, I don't know but when I lived in Southern California Dude, Guys, Buddy whatever were all fairly gender neutral

But possibly that's because that's what most of the cis females that I knew seem to prefer, most of them didn't like being called the common terms like Chick, Babe, Baby, Honey, Sweetheart etc. because they felt those terms to be misogynistic like they were being looked down upon or weren't being treated as equals or something

I think like mentioned earlier it's probably better to address people by their name or whatever they prefer

Most my friends are surfers so I hear everything
One of my friends say brothers mother .. 
but that stopped awhile ago when I came out to him

[steph2.0]

I am convinced that 'guys' is not gender neutral in this culture, without regard to protests otherwise.

Stated as just a data point: Cassie and I spent Saturday working on a project as part of a group that prides themselves as "all-women." It's an international organization of women pilots whose goal is to work together for our mutual benefit. The leaders and all the rest of us women used "guys" interchangeably with "ladies" as a term to address the group all day long, and no one thought twice about it except Cassie and me, because of conversations like this. Maybe it's a regional thing. This is in the southeast US, though there were native Spanish- and French-speaking members there, too.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Context is important. I'm sorry your dad is using it in the negative one, Liz.

Stephanie

[Michelle_P]

I have always insisted that as we transition, we each have to find our own path, do what each of us as individuals need to do to find and fully live as our authentic selves.  That includes our sexual orientation.  I firmly believe that our sexual orientation is not tightly tied to our gender identity, but is something else that we need to explore and fully determine for ourselves free of cultural, social, and peer demands.

That is, as I made my transition to fully live my life as a woman, that my sexual orientation may not necessarily shift such that I desire to engage in sex with men. That is a cultural stereotype of transgender women.  Rather, I beleive that each of us needs to determine for ourselves what our deepest desires drive us toward.  As with any change in life, we need to consider why we might want to change.  Are we changing to please others, meet a demand of a cultural stereotype, or a peer group?  Or is that change something that is needed from within ourselves, something that we need to do to live as our authentic selves?

I have been surprised to get considerable pushback against this.  I have been shocked to find that others place meeting cultural stereotypes and peer pressure, a desire to get others to accept oneself, over their own internal feelings. 

This makes me unhappy.  I've been rejected by other groups because I didn't want to meet their stereotypes.  Now I'm seeing that here.

[steph2.0]

I have always insisted that as we transition, we each have to find our own path, do what each of us as individuals need to do to find and fully live as our authentic selves.  That includes our sexual orientation.  I firmly believe that our sexual orientation is not tightly tied to our gender identity, but is something else that we need to explore and fully determine for ourselves free of cultural, social, and peer demands.

That is, as I made my transition to fully live my life as a woman, that my sexual orientation may not necessarily shift such that I desire to engage in sex with men. That is a cultural stereotype of transgender women.  Rather, I beleive that each of us needs to determine for ourselves what our deepest desires drive us toward.  As with any change in life, we need to consider why we might want to change.  Are we changing to please others, meet a demand of a cultural stereotype, or a peer group?  Or is that change something that is needed from within ourselves, something that we need to do to live as our authentic selves?

I have been surprised to get considerable pushback against this.  I have been shocked to find that others place meeting cultural stereotypes and peer pressure, a desire to get others to accept oneself, over their own internal feelings. 

This makes me unhappy.  I've been rejected by other groups because I didn't want to meet their stereotypes.  Now I'm seeing that here.

That makes me sad, too. As I posted the TOS to a new member yesterday, I assured them that those rules were there to keep this place friendly and helpful. Then I took the time to reread them, and if they are followed and/or enforced, there is no place for anything like you're talking about.

I myself see very little possibility of my sexual preferences changing even after I finish my transition. I am still, and expect to continue to be, powerfully drawn to women. I am deeply in love with a woman now (and I refuse to think of her with a hyphenated prefix, as I do not for myself either), and hope to stay that way for a very long time, if not forever. I'm not particularly vocal about it, which may be why I haven't been hassled about it here, but it's me and my life, and I've fought through too much to let any haters who would pigeonhole me win.

Hang in there Michelle. Those who love you far outnumber the hasslers. Illegitimi non carborundum.


Stephanie

[Linde]

This makes me unhappy.  I've been rejected by other groups because I didn't want to meet their stereotypes.  Now I'm seeing that here.

Michelle, I don't think that you are rejected (after all, i seem to have a very similar opinion about the sexual orientation with you).  It is just hard to understand for some people tha your femininity, and the resulting courting of men did not make you want to get involved with men.
If we have a build in switch that can b energized and we will appreciate men as sexual partners, I have yet to find this switch.  I find any courting attempts as bothersome, and wish the guys would leave me alone.  I feel that I am even more female oriented than you, bcause you are able to decide by the presentation of a person, while for me, it has to be a woman to get my interest going.

But I don't think that either you nor I are rejected here, we just feel different, and that is it!

[Lynne]

Arghh.. I just learned that an event I would have liked to go to as female will be very soon and they will hold it in the office building I work in. Because I'm not full-time I can't attend, I don't want to have pictures taken of me as a 'man' and it would be a bad idea to use this event to come out to my co-workers who plan to attend.

[Northern Star Girl]

Arghh.. I just learned that an event I would have liked to go to as female will be very soon and they will hold it in the office building I work in. Because I'm not full-time I can't attend, I don't want to have pictures taken of me as a 'man' and it would be a bad idea to use this event to come out to my co-workers who plan to attend.

@Lynne
Dear Lynne:
I am so sorry to hear about the event that you won't be able to attend....
... you can be looking forward to the day that you will be full-time and not have to hide your secret any longer.
Hugs,
Danielle

[mac1]

Still having that disgusting thing.

[Northern Star Girl]

Still having that disgusting thing.

@mac1
Dear Mac1:
I am so very sorry to hear of your unhappiness.
At some point in your life journey you do know that there is something you can do about "it" ... !!!
Hugs,
Danielle

[K3lly]

I cut my nails this morning, it felt awful.  They were the one thing I was doing to take the edge off.  Working at keeping them shaped is so soothing.  But they were getting too long, and they were breaking all the time at work.  Such a little thing and I feel crushed.  I know they grow back, and I can start again, but it has me feeling crappy now.

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[OliverR.]

I don't have a job yet even though I have been working with the VR due to my mental illness (mostly GAD) and have been alone in this apartment for a week since my husband works and we don't have another car. I am seeing my mother tomorrow, who I am afraid to see now because of an outburst she had last week....Our poor cat Bubsy who was only 4 years old dropped dead early in the morning not too long ago due to unknown reasons ( we saw this happen). She was having bad flea allergies and I'm assuming it had something to do with that......I miss her so much and start to cry when I try to talk about her. It was such a traumatic experience for both me and my husband. This apartment is so sad and lonely now and only reminds me of Bubsy dying.

[Linde]

I don't have a job yet even though I have been working with the VR due to my mental illness (mostly GAD) and have been alone in this apartment for a week since my husband works and we don't have another car. I am seeing my mother tomorrow, who I am afraid to see now because of an outburst she had last week....Our poor cat Bubsy who was only 4 years old dropped dead early in the morning not too long ago due to unknown reasons ( we saw this happen). She was having bad flea allergies and I'm assuming it had something to do with that......I miss her so much and start to cry when I try to talk about her. It was such a traumatic experience for both me and my husband. This apartment is so sad and lonely now and only reminds me of Bubsy dying.

That is a sad thing.  I know to well how it is loosing a beloved animal.  They become part of the family, and it is very hard to let them go!

[OliverR.]

I can still hear the noise she made when it happened:( I'm happy we were able to give her a home for the remainder of her life though, she was a shelter cat and since she was losing hair (flea allergies are very difficult to keep up with) I doubt many people would have wanted her.

[Michelledeanna1989]

What made me unhappy yesterday was I spent 3 hours working on
Reformatting my resume it was late in the afternoon I was at the  unemployment
Center getting help with my resume I finished formatting it. Then I accidentally closed
Microsoft word without saving. Extremely frustrating lol  re did it last night after work
Looks better but now I'm getting ready to go back and get this done. I had a couple really
Good interviews yesterday one I really want it's working as a Junior Marketing Analyst.
My job would be selling marketing to charities do say the Canadian cancer society or the Red Cross are a couple I would work with. So hopefully I'll get my resume emailed in this
Afternoon and I'll get called for the second round of interviews.   The other job I honestly didn't
Get a good feeling about after I left. It seems really stressful but the pay after a few years is great $100.000 a year

[Dena]

Then I accidentally closed Microsoft word without saving.

I don't use that package but often word processors and text edit programs often save a temporary copy just in case something like that happens. The thing to look for is a folder probably labeled "temp'. The software will save a copy every few minutes so what you find may not be the latest but it's pretty close.

[Michelledeanna1989]

I don't use that package but often word processors and text edit programs often save a temporary copy just in case something like that happens. The thing to look for is a folder probably labeled "temp'. The software will save a copy every few minutes so what you find may not be the latest but it's pretty close.

Thanks I will keep that in mind for next time.. I generally use Mac so when I use pc's I find I'm more prone to making mistakes

[Linde]

Took a nap this afternoon and must have torn one of my earrings out!  I did not get hurt, but I can't find the little bugger.  It were really nice things, I liked the a lot!
Now I might have to start to run around like a pirate!