Huh well, how to start, I'm 18 and viewed as a girl I guess. I don't really know if I'm really trans or not. I feel like I've always had something of a guy in me, I'd always only play with the boys when I was young. My parents brought me up with the idea of never making me a girl in the traditionally accepted way. I mean I had short hair for a long time, I never got dolls for gifts (cause I never asked for it, I'd just cut their heads if I had anyways ).
Well it's been a year or too that I really questioned that. Because thinking about it, I started doing bad socially speaking from the moment people started to tell me I shouldn't act like a boy. ( Like suddenly my guy friends would reach the age where they were allowed to stay outside later but I wasn't cause I was a girl). But I still had a lot of male friends - only- and acted like myself I guess, I never thought about if I was a girl or not, it was okay like this, I was me acting like I wanted to.
But then I moved. In my new school people didn't see it that way, the boys wouldn't play with me cause I was a girl and I didn't really understand the girl's games. So yeah I didn't adapt at all and became very shy and socially awkward. ( which i was not at all before) plus I had a lot of family problems at the time it didn't help I guess. When I started high-school I'd often tell myself it's be easier if I was a guy. From that it would seem pretty obvious that I'm trans buut, I can live as female.
Strange thing, I can totally live as female myself - well I wouldn't wear a dress cause I'd look like a guy wearing a dress anyways but still - I mean, I accept the fact that it's okay to be a girl, not the most girly girl but anyways. Well I can act like a girl pretty much - I even learned to wear hills, that's a first - but i would get upset when people tell me I'm a girl, it's like telling me "you're nothing".
There's some times when I feel like acting like a girl, it's like a role I guess. So well yeah I'm a little lost, but I wouldn't want to be on T for example, and i wouldn't want to get rid of my girl side I guess, not totally or I'm not ready I don't know. And I don't have "dysphoria" I do feel that it would look more natural if I didn't have breast, but I don't hate having it. Well first time ever really talking about the subject I guess... Hope I can find answers
Admin edit: reformatted text for readability. Devlyn
