Being Transgender Feels Like A Cruel And Unusual Punishment.

[Stephanie Sammantha]

1: You have a significant part of your life being in the wrong body.

2: Hard, long, and expensive means to get to the right body.


#1 is a given. #2 is the difficult process to fix #1.


3: Some treat you horribly for something that is like a cruel and unusual punishment.

[suzifrommd]

All true.

OTOH, we also see life from both sides of the gender divide, and it gives us wisdom that CIS people don't have. Also, they don't have the amazing feeling that comes from finally seeing ourselves the way we were intended to be.

Yes, I would prefer to have been born a cis woman (though I'd prefer being a trans woman to a cis man). But so many people go through life with burdens and troubles. Cancer. Disabilities and impairments. Economic disadvantage. Being born in an oppressive country. The human condition is probably more about overcoming obstacles than anything else, so we're really no different from other folk in that respect.

[Stephanie Sammantha]

All true.

OTOH, we also see life from both sides of the gender divide, and it gives us wisdom that CIS people don't have. Also, they don't have the amazing feeling that comes from finally seeing ourselves the way we were intended to be.

Yes, I would prefer to have been born a cis woman (though I'd prefer being a trans woman to a cis man). But so many people go through life with burdens and troubles. Cancer. Disabilities and impairments. Economic disadvantage. Being born in an oppressive country. The human condition is probably more about overcoming obstacles than anything else, so we're really no different from other folk in that respect.

Thank You Very Very Very Very Much.

[yokosoko]

Honestly, what keeps me sane is the fact that I believe in Reincarnation & The law of Karma. It's the only thing that explains why some people are born rich, some poor, some with diseases, genetic disorders etc. How is that fair? The only logical explanation is that thru our past lives, wether conciously or not those decisions have resulted in us existing in a particular situation. I believe being transgender is one of them, and in fact we could consider ourselves lucky that we've been born in such a time where we can actually DO something about it! Imagine being transgender in victorian england! Or the Roman Empire!

Having said that, Karma puts us in particular situations, but our attitude and what we do with what we're given is up to us. What new karma's we generate or burn off depend greatly on us. Someone I know likes to say - in Poker you could be dealt a great hand and still lose...or a god-afwul hand and still win. A lot of it really depends on how you play the game

So yes - Being transgender can suck! especially when you don't necessarily have the means to do something about it today. But that might not be the case tomorrow and today we can hopefully start to do something about our situation so that tomorrow we can do something about being transgender - be it transition, or anything else that helps us deal with the dysphoria, and the fact that we have it is just something our soul has been given to deal with as part of the things we need to do in this life time. Giving so ing up is not an option

At least this is what keeps me going every day.

[Stephanie Sammantha]

Honestly, what keeps me sane is the fact that I believe in Reincarnation & The law of Karma. It's the only thing that explains why some people are born rich, some poor, some with diseases, genetic disorders etc. How is that fair? The only logical explanation is that thru our past lives, wether conciously or not those decisions have resulted in us existing in a particular situation. I believe being transgender is one of them, and in fact we could consider ourselves lucky that we've been born in such a time where we can actually DO something about it! Imagine being transgender in victorian england! Or the Roman Empire!

Having said that, Karma puts us in particular situations, but our attitude and what we do with what we're given is up to us. What new karma's we generate or burn off depend greatly on us. Someone I know likes to say - in Poker you could be dealt a great hand and still lose...or a god-afwul hand and still win. A lot of it really depends on how you play the game

So yes - Being transgender can suck! especially when you don't necessarily have the means to do something about it today. But that might not be the case tomorrow and today we can hopefully start to do something about our situation so that tomorrow we can do something about being transgender - be it transition, or anything else that helps us deal with the dysphoria, and the fact that we have it is just something our soul has been given to deal with as part of the things we need to do in this life time. Giving so ing up is not an option

At least this is what keeps me going every day.

Thank You Very Very Very Much.

[stephaniec]

So which path in life brings you closer to understand an infinite consciousness or reason to exist. A daily struggle to understand the purpose of one more day of life or a couch potato wondering if the next sitcom is going to be funny and if there is enough popcorn.

[Stephanie Sammantha]

So which path in life brings you closer to understand an infinite consciousness or reason to exist. A daily struggle to understand the purpose of one more day of life or a couch potato wondering if the next sitcom is going to be funny and if there is enough popcorn.

Thank You Very Much.

[BeverlyAnn]

While it has brought pain in my life, as I've grown to understand it I consider being transgender as a gift I have been given.

[Janes Groove]

i'm a buddhist. we call it pathwork.

[Kylo]

It does suck.

But then I could have been born with an even more debilitating condition, be in constant physical pain, live in a war zone, etc.

At least with our condition, there is something we can do about it - some control we can exercise over it to an extent. Not trying to say it's any better, but putting the problem into perspective usually helps me.

[JHeron]

It does suck.

But then I could have been born with an even more debilitating condition, be in constant physical pain, live in a war zone, etc.

At least with our condition, there is something we can do about it - some control we can exercise over it to an extent. Not trying to say it's any better, but putting the problem into perspective usually helps me.

My thoughts exactly, there's a bunch of things that "could have" been we could have been born a different race, different class system, disabled physically or mentally. These are things that aren't worth spending time thinking about because they can never be changed- you can't be reborn the way you should have been. Energy is best spent on the things one can change in this lifetime. For arguements' sake there's only one thing that I would have wanted if given the chance to change and that is my born sex BUT there are many illnesses and disabilities that I would not want to be born with so take what you've got and work with and through it in my opinion.

[Asche]

There are times when I feel like life itself is a "cruel and unusual punishment" and I frequently consider whether to end that punishment in the obvious way.  (See my post from a few days ago.)  But I digress...

Speaking only for myself: yes, being trans has not been easy.  But there are a lot of things in my life that have not been easy, some of which don't have to do with my being trans and most of which can't be easily defined as trans-related or not trans-related.  I can't split myself or my miseries into the trans part and the non-trans part, they permeate one another.  To wish that I weren't trans is a little like wishing pi weren't an irrational number -- things would be different in so many ways that the two states couldn't be compared.

The bottom line, for me, is that not being trans would have made my life different, but not necessarily better.  I have brothers and a sister, so I have some idea of what I might have been like if I'd been cis male or cis female, but in the same family.  And honestly, for all of the pain I have endured and continue to endure, I think I'm better off than they are.  I feel like I have attained a degree of enlightenment, at least about myself, that I don't think my siblings have.  There are things I enjoy and freedoms I have that I would never have attained if I had been like everyone else in the herd (or kept trying to be like them.)

I also feel like what I've endured has given me a level of empathy for the suffering and oppressed that I would never have had if my life had been simpler or more comfortable.  (At least when I'm not in a rage about those vile blockheads doing that awful, evil stuff who deserve to be dumped into the lowest circle of Hell for all eternity!!!.  Who exactly are "those vile blockheads" varies, the rage does not.)  I won't say I know what it's like to be female, or black, or gay (I do remember what it was like to be a child, though), but when something awful is being done to one of them, I hurt and am outraged as if it had been done to me, and when something good happens, I rejoice as well, even if it isn't necessarily something I would want for myself.

tl;dr -- I'm not particularly religious, but I figure maybe I am trans for some purpose, and it's really better that I am, however much of a PITA it may be at times.

[windlep]

i'm a buddhist. we call it pathwork.

Sorry to butt in but I often feel the same way as the OP and am curious about Buddhism. Can you explain what pathwork is?  Is it possible to follow Buddhist teachings if you don't believe in the supernatural?

[TG CLare]

Yes, being trans can be a painful thing but it sure feels a lot better to be me than the person I used to be. If I had not of transitioned, I probably could not have lived much longer.

Love,
Clare

[stephaniec]

Sorry to butt in but I often feel the same way as the OP and am curious about Buddhism. Can you explain what pathwork is?  Is it possible to follow Buddhist teachings if you don't believe in the supernatural?

harmony with nature, the universal self, peace of the void

[Stephanie Sammantha]

While it has brought pain in my life, as I've grown to understand it I consider being transgender as a gift I have been given.

Seeing it as a gift maybe a future thing for me. Maybe. Maybe after the transition it feels like a gift. Maybe.

In what way do you see it as a gift ?

[suzifrommd]

In what way do you see it as a gift ?

I appreciate the opportunity to live as my gender in ways that other people take for granted. It brings me a lot of joy to be a woman, whereas most women I know are ambivalent about it at best.

Also, it's given me a far more deeper understanding of the gendered world. I've seen it from all sides.

[Janes Groove]

Sorry to butt in but I often feel the same way as the OP and am curious about Buddhism. Can you explain what pathwork is?  Is it possible to follow Buddhist teachings if you don't believe in the supernatural?

sorry i haven't checked this thread in awhile.
jane's been busy with lots of transition stuff. 
"Is it possible to follow Buddhist teachings if you don't believe in the supernatural?"   i can't tell you.  only you can answer that. 
can you explain what pathwork is?
it just means we walk a path in life and that the arc of that path always bends towards enlightenment.  it means that thinking about things in terms of good and bad is a mistake.  it means that there is no good or evil. there is no end to good and evil.   it's all just experience that leads us toward our ultimate goal 'the improvement of the soul.' you just live your life and don't get caught up in crazymaking of judging everything by is it wrong or right.  it's all just experience that leads us to improve our souls.  there is a saying in Buddhism. 'chop wood, carry water.'  it means just live your life and it's all part of your unique path that will always and eventually lead to your own moment of perfect enlightenment when you will choose to go beyond or choose to return as a Bodhisattva and accept the suffering of birth and rebirth until all living things are free.    it's about not letting your mind go 100 mph in a 10 mph zone.  it's all rambling. i know. the "heart sutra"  expresses all this better than i ever could.

Avalokiteshvara, in the deep course of wisdom beyond wisdom, seeing that the five aggregates are also empty of inherent nature, overcame all suffering and distress.

Shariputra, form is emptiness, emptiness is form. Form is not other than emptiness. Emptiness is not other than form. The same is true of feelings, perceptions, formations, and consciousness.

All phenomena are marked with emptiness. They are neither produced nor destroyed, neither defiled nor pure, neither increasing nor decreasing.

Therefore in emptiness there is no form, no feelings, no perceptions, no formations, no consciousness; no eye, no ear, no nose, no tongue, no body, no mind; no form, no sound, no smell, no taste, no touch, no object of mind; no realm of eye, no realm of mind-consciousness, nor anything in between. There is no ignorance, no extinction of ignorance, no old-age-and-death, no extinction of old-age-and-death, nor any of the twelve links.

Likewise there is no suffering, no origination, no cessation, and no path; no understanding, no attainment, and no non-attainment.

With nothing to attain the bodhisattva relies on wisdom beyond wisdom and the mind is no hindrance. Without any hindrance, there is no fear. Passing beyond every upside-down view, the bodhisattva abides in Nirvana.

All Buddhas in the past, present and future, relying on wisdom beyond wisdom, realize unsurpassed, complete, perfect enlightenment.

Therefore this is the mantra of  perfect wisdom beyond wisdom, the mantra of great knowledge, the mantra that is unsurpassed, the mantra that is equal to the unequalled, the mantra that pacifies all suffering. Free from deception, it is the simple truth:

gone. gone. gone altogether beyond. oh what an awakening.
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[JoanneB]

1: You have a significant part of your life being in the wrong body.

Your mind is still your mind. What you experience, what you feel, what you believe, TODAY, forms the basis of who you are today.

2: Hard, long, and expensive means to get to the right body.

Very subjective. Plus neglects the mind and spirit. Many many cis-women fret constantly over not having the "right body". Perhaps exactly THE body you long desire.

Self Acceptance is crucial. There is only so much money and only so much medicine can do for us. Then there is the not winning the DNA lottery or having Jenner FU money. Perfection is in the eye of the beholder.

#1 is a given. #2 is the difficult process to fix #1.

Unless of course inner happiness and peace of mind being YOU is the 'End Game'. This needs a new and/or 2A) Feeling good about being you is a long and difficult process. This puts you in control of the end game, and not the opinions of other, oft times hate filled, people.

3: Some treat you horribly for something that is like a cruel and unusual punishment.

I see it more as a mixed blessing. For sure I would not be the person I am today if I were not trans. I have learned many important life lessons thanks to it. Topping the list is empathy, and thinking outside of the box. And many others that are difficult to put into words.

As for being treated 'Horribly'... Well try being grossly overweight growing up. Or perhaps having a bad stutter. Even sillier, glasses or mouth breathing due to allergies. Now THAT was horrible compared to my two transition 'experiments' in my early 20's. (Which were bad enough on their own thanks to a negative self esteem)

When Life hands you lemons.....

[Qrachel]

Hi:

Like Joan in Post #8 said . . . I'll add that looking backwards all of the pain, guilt and self-consciousnesses was existential and created such discomfort because only I know how to torture myself so cruelly and completely.  In fact, once I got that it almost became comical.  YMMV but truly being trans offers one of the most gifted and aware lives one could ask for - or that's my take on it.

Take care and keep in touch,   

Rachel