Not sure what to do

[Emileeeee]

I told my family 6 months ago and was immediately cut off by my father, step-mother, and siblings. That's not the issue though. The issue is that another family member is getting married in a few months and invited me to the wedding as myself. My father is her uncle and a belligerent drunk, who was also invited to the wedding. She said she'd seat me on the other side of the room from him and kick out anybody that tried to start anything. I'm full-time and neither have any men's clothes anymore nor willing to buy some for this.

So what would you do? Should I go to the wedding to support my cousin and hope that my father doesn't freak out? Or would it be better to politely decline so the tension can't ruin her big day?

[Dena]

I had something like this happened with my brothers wedding. The solution is to discuss it with your cousin and explain the issue that concerns you. If you feel this way, also say that as this is their big day you are willing to miss the event and there will be no hard feelings.

In my brothers case, the brides side of the family was unaware of me and I was informed of everything and the decision was jointly reached that I would not attend the wedding. Over time as my family has accepted me more, I have meet a number of people from the brides side of the family.

The other option is the the cousin inform the others of what will happen and they have the option of avoiding the event or accepting you as you are.

[itsApril]

Dena is right.  The day is about your cousin, not about your immediate family.  Level with your cousin about the depth of antagonism and let her make the call.  Your cousin is clearly a good and gracious person for accepting you as you are and wanting to make you welcome.  But the last thing she deserves is your father getting sauced up and making a scene over your gender at her wedding.  She could also decide to disinvite your branch of the family, but that's a lot to ask - writing off a whole block of the family who might otherwise be on good terms with her except for the disagreement about you.  Sometimes there's no ideal solution, just the solution that's the least bad under the circumstances.

[Hope springs]

If you and your cousin are close, i would consider going to the ceremony and politely ducking out afterward. Ergo, ditch the reception. I doubt your father is a big enough ass to make a scene in a church.
  I agree with others this is your cousin's day, so i would take the high road and minimize the chance for your dad to be an ass. Im sorry it came down to this. Please let us know what you decide and how it turned out.

[Anela]

 Most of my family have left me to suffer. If you have a supportive cousin, Please support her by going and take her up on kicking anyone out for giving you a hard time.  I dont blame you for not having any male clothes. Once you live full time you just stay that way and will never go back if you are true.  Keep every family member  you can. I am rotting crippled in a Nursing home and have no visiters or letters and have no friends or family. my daughters are gone and I have lost all will to live. I hope to be gone soon from the isolation. But if you have at least one person, be close, very close to them. Anela

[Laura_7]

Most of my family have left me to suffer. If you have a supportive cousin, Please support her by going and take her up on kicking anyone out for giving you a hard time.  I dont blame you for not having any male clothes. Once you live full time you just stay that way and will never go back if you are true.  Keep every family member  you can. I am rotting crippled in a Nursing home and have no visiters or letters and have no friends or family. my daughters are gone and I have lost all will to live. I hope to be gone soon from the isolation. But if you have at least one person, be close, very close to them. Anela

Try to make contact to nice people.
There is a chat on susans, and on other places, people meet and share all kinds of interest.
Maybe you can even give people some advice and be helpful this way.


hugs

[stephaniec]

I'd just have a long conversation with your cousin and see what she say's

[Laura_7]

Well one possibility would be to go there in gender neutral clothes.
Maybe its possible to wear cloth trousers and a nice sweater ?

You might talk about it with your cousin.

Well further I'd echo to possibly stay away from people likely to make a scene.
Maybe its possible to mingle and stay in a small group of likeminded people, shielded from other persons.

Another helpful thing might be to remain polite and non reproachful on that day.
Just letting those people be, maybe telling them to leave you alone, and keeping to your friends.
Maybe a short explanation, that being transgender has biological reasons, cannot be changed and is a recognized condition.


hugs

[Emileeeee]

Thanks all. I think I'm going to discuss with her the idea of going to the wedding, but skipping the reception. Maybe we can meet up later in a location that doesn't include my father.

Anela,

You should take the advice of others on this thread and look for people to chat with. I've been that alone before and it's a horrible horrible feeling. I got angry about almost everything and tried to sleep my life away. You mentioned that you're in a nursing home. There are people out there that enjoy visiting strangers that don't have anybody else to make sure they're not alone. I know people that enjoy doing that when they have time, but I don't know how you'd actively look for people that do it. Please work on finding a way to be happy for you. I don't doubt it's tough in your current living environment, but I'm sure it's possible. Keeping all that anger only affects your own wellbeing.

[Eva Marie]

If you go and anyone makes a issue over you being there remain calm, point out that you were invited, and also point out that a wedding is not the place or the time for such a discussion - it's the bride and grooms special day and you are simply not going to have that discussion, smile, and then walk away.

[Emileeeee]

If you go and anyone makes a issue over you being there remain calm, point out that you were invited, and also point out that a wedding is not the place or the time for such a discussion - it's the bride and grooms special day and you are simply not going to have that discussion, smile, and then walk away.

That would work with anybody else except my father. He once complained repeatedly about the gay agenda during Easter dinner and he wasn't even drunk. Not being the time or place doesn't even enter into his mind.