Mental v. Physical age

[AnamethatstartswithE]

So I'm 33 years old, I am working through my issues, and I am planning on beginning transition when I'm ready to start. My T-bomb went off at the end of August this past year, and I feel like when that happened I essentially mind-melded with an 18 year old. It's not surprising since that's about when I went into denial about myself, but it has me worried a little. I feel like I want to have a family, but at the same time I have an 18 year olds view of that, it's something far off that's not worth thinking about right now. I even briefly had an urge to go to college again. (Before you tell me to do it, I have a BS, MS, and PhD so I'd really rather not) I just worry that my mental age may not catch up to my physical age before I get too old to do things I want to. I feel like when I've transitioned I'll want to "Play the field" so to speak, at least for a while.

If anyone here has ever gone to grad school you'll know there's always that one student who never finishes, and just stays there for years and years. I was (and still am) friends with that guy, and It's really easy to see what happened. He had a number of medical problems throughout his 20s, he spent his 30s having his 20s and now he's in his 40s and life has sort of passed him by. I don't want that to happen to me. I don't want to rush myself into anything, and risk resenting the family I build, but at the same time if I wait too long I could either miss out, or pair up with the wrong person out of desperation. Has anyone out there navigated this sort of thing? Successfully or unsuccessfully I'm all ears.

[Meghan]

You should take COGATI stand short for COmbined Gender Identity And Transsexual Inventory to see where are you fall under and go from there. I took the test couple times, and each time I got classification Level Five Transexual Female. I have know for a long time I have Gender Dysphoria issue, and this test confirm my feeling. That why I will see Gender Dysphoria Therapist next Friday to clear things up. Good luck.

Luanne

[itsApril]

I hear you about that.  I think lots of trans folks experience something like that, particularly where HRT is in the picture.  Sometimes you'll hear people (like endocrinologists, for example) describe the effects of HRT as bringing about a "second puberty."  You already went through puberty once as a guy, heading in the wrong direction, but now you're resetting the clock chemically and starting forward along the path of physical changes a girl normally experiences in her teens.

If that describes the physical changes, it's not hard to figure that there would also be a parallel emotional component as well.  One pitfall transwomen sometimes experience is a period of trying to present themselves in clothing, makeup, or hairstyles that are inappropriately young or extreme for their age.  It takes a while to develop the judgment to look at a fun item of clothing and realize that "no woman of my age would ever wear that"!  But that's a conversation my rational 34-year-old self sometimes has to have with the emotional teenager inside my head.

There's a particular course of development that human gender behavior takes, and in transitioning between roles, we sort of reset the clock socially.  It isn't easy to adjust ourselves to land smoothly at the point of development we would be at if we had grown up cis.

[Ms Grace]

Well I'm 50 in a months time but I feel more like I'm in my mid to late 30s. Fortunately I can get away with looking and dressing that way too.

[big kim]

I'm 58, go to the punk rock festival  every year and am buying my first Harley Sportster (though the Triumph America is very tempting).

[Elsa Delyth]

I'm 31, but psychologically, I'm probably more like a thousand. 

[autumn08]

Since you were in denial, you were not dealing with some of your desires. Now that you are, tragically some of those desires are no longer possible. The way forward with transitioning is to; 1) Identify your unrealistic thoughts, 2) Disrupt them when they occur, and 3) Focus on a realistic solution.

[Asche]

I'm chronologically in my 60's, but there are times when I feel like I'm more like 6.  As I let myself drift into greater femininity, I've noticed that the femininity I'm drifting towards is not that of a woman of my age, but of a young girl: ruffles and lace, bright and pastel colors, hugs and cuddles and cheek kisses.  Stories about lost and found kittens.  Teddy bears as companions (I haven't gotten to dolls yet.)  If I still had hair, I'd probably want pigtails.  (Are there slumber parties for 60+ year olds?)

The past few years, I feel like what I'm doing is trying to get back to the 5- or 6-year-old I was before an intolerant and unforgiving world started beating that childish spirit out of me.

[Kellam]

I spent the last few years leading up to transition combing backwards through my life looking for the time when I was unconcernedly happy. Of course that was pre testosterone puberty. As I have gone through estrogen puberty I have felt like a tween, a 13 year old, a 16 year old, like I was in my late teens and finally for the moment like I was in my 20's again. Yes I too thought to myself about going to college. Shook that off! Now I am looking into expanding my career and working on my life. Yes I am playing catch up but at an accelerated pace. Because I am working on that. I am 37 now and I want to have finnished the major parts of transition and have my life chugging along well by the time I am 40 or so.

I had been emotionally immature for a long time. I felt like a child around everyone I knew. That takes some time to get over. If one works hard they don't have to end up the permanent grad atudent. They can become the uber qualified adult they are and leap into the world fully formed. Just don't give up.

I can be directionless and slovenly at times but when I set my sights on something I not only go for it, I usually get it too. Or at least something better than what I had wanted if not the original goal. Smart people can do wonders. But, don't forget to enjoy your second teens. It is wonderful too and there is so very much to learn that you will need to know later. A second puberty is an opportunity most people are never afforded.

[Peep]

Well i look like a 15 year old boy so i might as well act like one haha

I don't really know about age regressing but i feel the wacky fashion sense thing. But it's fun and I can't do anything else by myself but change the way i dress so... why not...

[AnamethatstartswithE]

One pitfall transwomen sometimes experience is a period of trying to present themselves in clothing, makeup, or hairstyles that are inappropriately young or extreme for their age.  It takes a while to develop the judgment to look at a fun item of clothing and realize that "no woman of my age would ever wear that"!

Yeah, it gets a little annoying to be looking at clothes online and think to myself "that would be a cute look" and then realize it's for juniors. Then I wonder how there are juniors who wear the same size as me, I'm 6'4" and over 200 lbs.

I guess the consensus here is that this is something I just have to deal with. I guess I just have to use the same aPpRoach I have decided on for transitioning. I'll take as much time as I need for each step, but no more than necessary.

[Ms Grace]

A large part of transitioning is working out which styles suit your build and draw the right amount of attention. I find that one thing that can give trans women away quicker than their physical appearance is an ill fitted and inappropriate outfit.

[Anna R]

Well, at 68 physically and before hormones I was around 25 mentally,now on estradiol have developed a real liking for Britney Spears music.
Guess that seriously put me in the teenager category, but hey- it's all good.
Anna

[Sophieraven]

I'm nearly 46 and most of the time feel about 17 cause that's the age i went into the closet. Until then i was always sort of semi out so to speak. There has even been talk of having the 18th that i didn't have as a girl.
Sophie

[DiamondBladee]

You should take COGATI stand short for COmbined Gender Identity And Transsexual Inventory to see where are you fall under and go from there. I took the test couple times, and each time I got classification Level Five Transexual Female. I have know for a long time I have Gender Dysphoria issue, and this test confirm my feeling. That why I will see Gender Dysphoria Therapist next Friday to clear things up. Good luck.

Luanne

Oh, that test.  I've never been a fan of online tests, but due to the popularity I do take this one once or twice a year. My score goes up a little each time

[Deborah]

My mental age has been stuck between 17 and 21 forever.  I don't even think that has anything to do with being trans or HRT.  Nearly everyone else my age at work seems focused on building up their waist size and talking about how much their joints, back, knees, etc hurt.  I can't relate to that at all.  Mostly I feel as good physically as I ever have and I think a part of that is staying mentally stuck at 21.


Sapere Aude

[Kylo]

I think I have this too, although I don't see it as a problem.

It's like I got stuck mentally at the point at which I left my parents' home and went to university and lived independently in another city. I'm pretty much static at that point, my only desires are to be with my bf, live a fairly interesting life, develop my skills/run my business/keep learning to keep my brain active and alive, and have fun. I don't want the responsibilities of starting a family, housebuying, old age, etc.

I guess it could come from the fact as a child I was over mature mentally for my age, worrying about the things my parents were worrying about and many other things besides, and didn't really have a chance to have much fun or relax as a child. I want to spend what's left doing what I want and not shackling myself to a bunch of extra responsibilities. If that's mental immaturity in my case, so be it.

[diane 2606]

I'm 69. Other than the decrease in physical abilities that happens to everyone with age, I feel great. I have a tendency to act like an irresponsible 17-year-old too much of the time. Oh, well... the law of the Universe says you have to get older. Nothing says you have to grow up.

[Danionacloud]

My mental age has been stuck between 17 and 21 forever.  I don't even think that has anything to do with being trans or HRT.  Nearly everyone else my age at work seems focused on building up their waist size and talking about how much their joints, back, knees, etc hurt.  I can't relate to that at all.  Mostly I feel as good physically as I ever have and I think a part of that is staying mentally stuck at 21.


Sapere Aude

Lol, I think I stopped aging mentally at about 21 too. It used to worry me sometimes how immature I seemed...now I love it And the age defying effects of HRT don't hurt either, I do LOVE that shocked look on people's faces when I tell them my age hehe

[Meghan]

Oh, that test.  I've never been a fan of online tests, but due to the popularity I do take this one once or twice a year. My score goes up a little each time

I take it three times and each time I got classification Level 5 Transexual Female. I guess I am.

Luanne