Dating advice:

[Greeneyes]

Hey everyone,

Okay so I've never been in a relationship for more than three weeks, and that was in high school. I never felt right being romantic as a man. It always felt wrong because I knew I was supposed to be female. Not necessarily involved with a guy. Even if I was with a girl I should have been female. So I got to where I avoided any relationship at all.

Since I've started presenting as female I've found a need for a significant other. I've joined a dating site and there's a guy that's been talking to me. He wants to exchange numbers and start talking beyond email. What should I do? I'm nervous and feel like I'm out of my depth. I've never been with anyone before. I haven't even kissed anyone in over a decade (never kissed a guy). I feel so helpless. I worry that I'll do or say something stupid.

I know there probably isn't anyone quite as inexperienced in this matter as I am, but does anyone have any words of wisdom to share?


~Evelyn

[stephaniec]

I dated a long tie ago , but haven't for quite awhile. I tried a dating site and got some attention , but I freaked when asked for phone numbers. I preferred to email because I wasn't really ready to me someone in person or have them know my number. All I'd say is be cautious with the phone number.

[IdontEven]

What's really super incredibly important is to find a good person. They won't care how inexperienced you are, or will at least be compassionate and supportive about it. Trust your character judgement, listen to any bad feelings, intuition, or instincts you have. Don't be afraid to duck out of a situation you're uncomfortable in.

Let someone you trust know where you're going to be, maybe have an agreed upon check-in time with them, stuff like that. If they text you at an agreed upon time it can also serve as cover if you want to exit gracefully. If you want to be really careful you can even set up an app on your phone so they can see where you are.

This may sound paranoid and probably is not the advice you were looking for, but it seems a lot of trans women were never taught these lessons, and that particular learning curve can be kinda steep...And for God's sake, don't meet new people at or take them back to your house.

If you REALLY want to be paranoid you can do a background check on them :p

All that scariness aside, if you're interested in this guy then why not move up to texting? It's a bit more informal than email and can help you get a better picture of the person you're speaking to. Just be honest and open and only go as far and as fast as you're comfortable with. You'll be just fine

P.S. Stereotypically, guys are the aggressors/pursuers in our society. Enjoy this and use it to your advantage, if you like.

[Roni]

I wish I followed my own advice when it came to building self-confidence, but what I like to tell people who are meeting someone for the first time is this:

The other person is probably just as nervous as you are and probably wants to be accepted and liked by you just as you do by them. When you realize you are both in the same boat, it sometimes doesn't feel as scary!

Good luck with him and remember to let your real self shine!