Dealing with bullies?

[sarahjayn77]

(Hi, I'm new here, and I'm not sure how tags or trigger warnings are supposed to be used yet, so forgive me if discussing bullying is supposed to be tagged / triggered or something)

So, I haven't publicly come out or anything, just to my doctor and long-time therapist, etc.  I'm not currently looking into physical transitioning, I guess I feel comfortable somewhere in the middle at the moment. Anyway, I've been letting my hair grow out, shaving a lot, wearing a necklace, wearing more unisex clothing so when people ask if I'm wearing women's clothes I can just say, "It's actually unisex - it's for both men and women. I can show you a photo of men wearing this on shop websites" and they're like, "oh, ok".

But a couple of times now, when I've been out places, I guess I've changed enough that some people are starting to notice, and sometimes in negative ways. There's a young jogger in the neighbourhood, and a couple of times recently, he crossed the street while I was out walking and jogged right past me looking at me and then off on his way. A couple of days ago he was jogging at the same time I was out having a walk, and he crossed the road and went right past me and spat at me as he went by.

Now, when I was a kid, all sorts of bullying and stuff went on, and resulted in me spending most of my life being as 'man' as I could put up with to make people happy and avoid conflict or confrontation.

But now that I'm trying to be more authentic, I guess I need to learn how to deal with the bullies I might encounter.

So is there any advice for what to do in situations where people try to intimidate you because you look different?

[Cindy]

Congrats Hon on your progress!

Lovely to hear.

Spitting at a person is criminal assault. Plain and simple.

Report it to the Police and maybe let them know that your fear that this deviant may have been trying to pass on a communicable disease. If he is in the same area each day take his photo and give it to them as well. And tell the Police he is in the same area each day.

This activity is inexcusable. If you are in a place where Mace is legal maybe spray the deviant and call the Police.

Just because you my look different - ah to what? - does not condone violence. Use the Law.

I look different, my wife looks different (in a wheelchair) my friends look different, one guy has lovely blue hair. No one is allowed to insult or perpetuate acts of violence against me, them or you.

We overcome by standing up.

[Ms Grace]

Some people are just outright douchebags. I suggest what Cindy suggested.

[autumn08]

If a bully senses he is not able to bother you, he normally will not attempt to bother you, and even he does, you wouldn't care. Also, if you fear for your safety, contact the police, and if you consistently fear for your safety, move.

[sarahjayn77]

Thankyou for the advice everyone. I will keep an eye out and if they continue to persist with this sort of behaviour, then I will take note of what they look like and mention them to the local police.

[V M]

Never put up with a bully, full stop

I've put up with so much crap from bullies over the years until I decided enough was enough

Generally I'll ignore them at first, but if the bullying persists I'll issue fair warning then back it up by taking action
against them

[suzifrommd]

A couple of days ago he was jogging at the same time I was out having a walk, and he crossed the road and went right past me and spat at me as he went by.

This is an assault. It needs to be reported to the police.

Next time you see him, pull out your phone and snap his picture. Bring it back to the police and tell them this is the man who assaulted you.

If the police don't seem to be taking it seriously, contact a local LGBT support organization, such as PFLAG. Often they'll help.

Normally I say ignore bullies, but if I were physically assaulted I would not let anyone get away with that.

[Tristyn]

Congrats Hon on your progress!

Lovely to hear.

Spitting at a person is criminal assault. Plain and simple.

Report it to the Police and maybe let them know that your fear that this deviant may have been trying to pass on a communicable disease. If he is in the same area each day take his photo and give it to them as well. And tell the Police he is in the same area each day.

This activity is inexcusable. If you are in a place where Mace is legal maybe spray the deviant and call the Police.

Just because you my look different - ah to what? - does not condone violence. Use the Law.

I look different, my wife looks different (in a wheelchair) my friends look different, one guy has lovely blue hair. No one is allowed to insult or perpetuate acts of violence against me, them or you.

We overcome by standing up.

^^Great advice from Cindy.

This is one reason I always walk around with pepper spray. Thankfully I haven't found a reason to use it yet other than to test it out the first time I purchased it while staying in a very rundown outside hotel (the worst possible).

You, Sarah, have every right to report that no good punk.

Plus, I have social anxiety, so I limit my time outdoors, seriously. But we shouldn't have to do that because of certain immature individuals like that jogger who has nothing better to do than to pick on someone for looking as extraordinary as you must look.

If he spits at you again or does something else to physically harm you, you need to report it. Plain and simple. That'll teach 'em!

[XKimX]

Spitting at you is not only assault, but a hate crime.  Double jeopardy for the spitter.

But an assault can be hard to prove without bruises.  Be sure to carry a small plastic bag with you and save the spit as evidence.  His DNA will be in it.

DNA tests are not cheap-, and do not expect the police to pay for it -- how many thousands of rape kits are awaiting testing?  But if you have it and use it, just the threat itself might be enough to produce a confession, and then let the consequences fall where they may.