Hi, I'm new here and I am a semi-out FtM from Australia. I currently am waiting for my Endocrinologist appointment which is in April to get hormones as I received my letter from my psychologist and my referral from my GP. I am out to my parents and a few friends, still female to the majority, despite my short hair and male appearance. Just graduated high school last year, and am taking this year off to transition before university to make things easier.
Reading up on these forums made me realise how lucky I am to be doing this so young, although I am still envious of you already transitioning and out to public. I have felt this way ever since I could remember, I used to play online games all the time when I was little and I'd always make sure my character was male and I'd have all these friends online who thought I was a guy and it was the only place I felt comfortable and it was basically my reality as a child. I recognise this isn't really healthy, plus I played this game from like 7-14 'pretending' to be a guy, but it helps with me realising that this is real and I DID feel this way younger too.
Here's my life story, feel free to skip it.
At 14 was when I realised this isn't going away, I assumed after puberty I'd feel like a 'normal girl'. That's what my parents told me too. I'd grow out of it. They wouldn't let me cut my hair cause they said I'd regret it when I'm finally over my 'tomboy phase'. I had a breakdown at 14, realising how uncomfortable all these female things are to me that girls my age were now starting to do. Go to parties, wear make up, wear sexy clothes, talk to boys. etc (I'm straight, attracted to girls). So, I finally turned to the internet and for the first time I discovered the word 'transgender'. By the way, let me just say how <Not Permitted> up that is that it took me 14 years to even learn what this term was.
Then I read up on it and EVERYTHING made sense. This was me. Since 14, I've been googling and looking up stuff on transitioning, hormones, researching ways to get there, watching YouTube views of other FtMs. I finally came out to my parents last year around August-September? And I started seeing a psychologist. They were accepting even though they were in shock and didn't really understand before educating themselves also. They think I'm taking things too fast but they need to realise the quicker the better, especially in terms of my mental health. And I can't focus in university like this, I basically flunk high school because of my anxiety, dysphoria and depression, when I used to be one of the smartest.
So here I am now, when I turn 18 in April I can finally go to the endocrinologist who will first run some tests and then put me on testosterone. I'm very excited. I plan on coming out to everyone else closer to that date, as I know I will be extremely uncomfortable with everyone knowing when I still don't really pass, and I know it will make it easier for them to view me as male also.
If you actually bothered to read this, thank you.
Mod Edit:Language
