Good days, bad days, and dark days

[stephaniec]

your welcome

[PrincessButtercup]

Today is a much better day. I saw my doctor yesterday - he checked my hormone levels, gave me a prescription for an anti-anxiety medication, prescription sleeping pills, and progesterone since my levels were out of whack. So, one of us is now on HRT, but it isn't my husband!

Between the hormone injection yesterday, the dose I took at bedtime, and finally getting a good night's sleep... well, I no longer feel like all hope is lost. I feel like I will get through this and still have my husband in mostly male form once we come out the other end of this nightmarish tunnel.

[SophieSakura]

How are you feeling now?  Still ok? x

[LizK]

How are you feeling now?  Still ok? x

+ 1

[PrincessButtercup]

I'm coping much better. Still having freak outs, the difference is that I no longer feel like it's the end of existence as I know it. For example, earlier I showed my husband a dress that I was going to buy. He commented that he had ordered the same one a few weeks ago and was just waiting for it to arrive. Instead of completely losing it, I just said I wasn't going to get it after all. I didn't get emotional or anything - just deleted my cart. That's progress. He asked me if I would find it to weird if we had the same thing and I just said it would and left it at that. A few days ago I would've spent an hour battling quiet tears.

Am I excited about all of this? Not in the least. But, it is what it is and I'll eventually be able to deal with it whether I like it or not.

[stephaniec]

glad your all right

[SophieSakura]

Well done for dealing with it so well.  It's ok to be emotional too, but I'm glad that it didn't make you too sad or worried.  

[PrincessButtercup]

Well done for dealing with it so well.  It's ok to be emotional too, but I'm glad that it didn't make you too sad or worried.

Oh, it certainly made me quite sad and took away my appetite completely. The only difference is that instead of having an emotional breakdown, I can be more logical about it. I'm coming to terms with the fact that my husband wants to be a little female sometimes. I don't like it, then again I'm certain there are things I do that he doesn't like (not eating on a regular basis is one of them, I know). Relationships are about compromise. I'm working on dealing with the compromises that I have to make.

[LizK]

Oh, it certainly made me quite sad and took away my appetite completely. The only difference is that instead of having an emotional breakdown, I can be more logical about it. I'm coming to terms with the fact that my husband wants to be a little female sometimes. I don't like it, then again I'm certain there are things I do that he doesn't like (not eating on a regular basis is one of them, I know). Relationships are about compromise. I'm working on dealing with the compromises that I have to make.

I think it is called progress, good on you for being able to handle things the way you did. I read in a book once a statement that went something like

"When the husband comes out of the closet the wife goes in" 

From the reading I have done it would appear there is nothing unusual about feeling the way you do, many spouses have reported feeling exactly as you do.  You are doing fine and one of the biggest positives I see is that you are trying so hard to make this work despite how you feel about it. Hugs

Elizabeth K

[PrincessButtercup]

It's certainly not helping that it's been days since he's touched me. I'm trying not to read too much into that, either.

[stephaniec]

Well, I've never been married and never had to deal with coming out to a SO so take with a pinch of salt.  It's a hard situation for those of us who deal with this problem to open up about it . I should of started my transition many years ago , but was unable to tell anyone . I needed to talk to a therapist , but because of other problems I had which might of had the root cause of gender malfunction as the problem, I was unable to tell and talk about it. Those of us who have this conflict can have a very difficult time with acknowledging it to someone else.

[PrincessButtercup]

He came out to me a month ago and he's been affectionate since then. It's the past week that he hasn't wanted to touch me. I know we all go through highs and lows, so I'm hoping that's all this is. He's been pretty stressed out at work, which isn't helping an already stressful situation. I certainly know how that goes - my work last month had me living in hell.

I'm hoping we get some downtime this weekend and a chance to reconnect.

[stephaniec]

well, it's hard , but the best thing to do is get it all out.

[Marienz]

It's just all seems hopeless some days. And it hurts so much. He still refers to himself with male pronouns in real life, though he has switched back & forth on here. His plan is to never fully transition, but to lose the bulk of his masculinity to become more androgynous in appearance. At least that's what I've been told. I want to believe that since that's what we agreed to together. Some days it seems quite the opposite - so many new clothes have arrived in the past few weeks, talks about gaffs... It's too much. I feel like I'm watching my husband fade away. The man I love, who says he loves me, is being replaced by a stranger.

Sorry. I'm not usually one for a pity party. It's just been a rough few days and Valentines Day combined with our anniversary hasn't helped.

I just read you thread and I relate to what you are saying in this one:(
Although I ended up coming to terms with full acceptance of anything to do with her transition my now ex partner. I can hear your pain and I know exactly how you feel.
I'm always here if you wish to chat hugs X


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Significant other
Heterosexual woman

[JLT1]

Hi,

The transition process for a spouce of a transgered person  can have the elements of the five stages of loss and grief: Denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.  My experience is that they don't always go in order either.

I'm a transgendered MTF who is still married. We've been in transition for four years.  I intentionally slowed down to keep my wife.  It has not been easy for either of us.  But we are closer than ever. 

I'm thinking your spouce is being self absorbed.  That needs to stop NOW.  If she is to do her part, you need to be involved every step of the way and the two of you decide the pace of transition togather.

One more thing...I went to an on-line couples councilor. Are you open to this? It worked for my wife and I because the councilor got me to focus on more than just me.  I can send contact information if you would like.  There are also other councilors out there.

Lastly, I get the attraction part.  I don't like men at all.  I don't know what I would do if I were suddenly married to a guy. 

Hugs,

Jen

[PrincessButtercup]

I just read you thread and I relate to what you are saying in this one:(
Although I ended up coming to terms with full acceptance of anything to do with her transition my now ex partner. I can hear your pain and I know exactly how you feel.
I'm always here if you wish to chat hugs X


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Significant other
Heterosexual woman

Thanks for that. I'm in a much better headspace now that my anti-anxiety meds have kicked in. Yesterday was a month since he came out to me. Apparently that's some sort of monumental milestone to survive, so yay us.

We had to run to the store for a couple of things, including body wash for him since he ran out. He's been using heavily scented men's stuff like Axe and the like. Yesterday I suggested the Olay stuff since he wants to moisturize his skin. He was going to get that, but then decided on one that was more androgynous. I commend myself for not only suggesting it, but not having a freak out over it.

If he keeps to his word about going more androgynous and less feminine, then I'll survive it and so shall our marriage. I know he wants to eventually, well probably sooner than later, start wearing women's clothes around the house. That will take some time for me to get used to, but I'll be fine with it - to me clothes are just a societal necessity more than anything else. But, I shall cross that bridge when I get to it.

Still a bit miffed that he bought a dress for himself that I picked out for me (I didn't get it after that), but he saw it first and such is this life.  I'm sure it will happen again and again in the future.

[LizK]

Thanks for that. I'm in a much better headspace now that my anti-anxiety meds have kicked in. Yesterday was a month since he came out to me. Apparently that's some sort of monumental milestone to survive, so yay us.

We had to run to the store for a couple of things, including body wash for him since he ran out. He's been using heavily scented men's stuff like Axe and the like. Yesterday I suggested the Olay stuff since he wants to moisturize his skin. He was going to get that, but then decided on one that was more androgynous. I commend myself for not only suggesting it, but not having a freak out over it.

If he keeps to his word about going more androgynous and less feminine, then I'll survive it and so shall our marriage. I know he wants to eventually, well probably sooner than later, start wearing women's clothes around the house. That will take some time for me to get used to, but I'll be fine with it - to me clothes are just a societal necessity more than anything else. But, I shall cross that bridge when I get to it.

Still a bit miffed that he bought a dress for himself that I picked out for me (I didn't get it after that), but he saw it first and such is this life.  I'm sure it will happen again and again in the future.

It's great to hear a positive tone in your post. You did an exceptional job, and yes "YAY you guys" you made the first month great going. This is a tough gig!!! It is great that the meds have helped because you are having a pretty hard time but it seems, coming through magnificently with a kind and well placed suggestion about the moisturiser.

I have arrived at the breakfast table before wearing the exact same casual outfit as my wife...doh! She has played it down in the past and insisted I not change but she discreetly disappeared and changes if I don't. But I can assure you the first time it happened there were a few tears shed, a few cross words but we moved forward.


You are doing fantastic

Elizabeth K

[PrincessButtercup]

Hi,

The transition process for a spouce of a transgered person  can have the elements of the five stages of loss and grief: Denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.  My experience is that they don't always go in order either.

I'm a transgendered MTF who is still married. We've been in transition for four years.  I intentionally slowed down to keep my wife.  It has not been easy for either of us.  But we are closer than ever. 

I'm thinking your spouce is being self absorbed.  That needs to stop NOW.  If she is to do her part, you need to be involved every step of the way and the two of you decide the pace of transition togather.

One more thing...I went to an on-line couples councilor. Are you open to this? It worked for my wife and I because the councilor got me to focus on more than just me.  I can send contact information if you would like.  There are also other councilors out there.

Lastly, I get the attraction part.  I don't like men at all.  I don't know what I would do if I were suddenly married to a guy. 

Hugs,

Jen

Yes, if you would be so kind as to PM me that info, I would greatly appreciate it. It's certainly something good to have on hand if we need it.

Also, thank you for the understanding on the attraction thing. Yes, you can still love the person inside, but you can't force the physical attraction. Lucky for me, he's not going there, so it won't be an issue.

[PrincessButtercup]

It's great to hear a positive tone in your post. You did an exceptional job, and yes "YAY you guys" you made the first month great going. This is a tough gig!!! It is great that the meds have helped because you are having a pretty hard time but it seems, coming through magnificently with a kind and well placed suggestion about the moisturiser.

I have arrived at the breakfast table before wearing the exact same casual outfit as my wife...doh! She has played it down in the past and insisted I not change but she discreetly disappeared and changes if I don't. But I can assure you the first time it happened there were a few tears shed, a few cross words but we moved forward.


You are doing fantastic

Elizabeth K

The matching outfits comment made me giggle. I did point out to him that I wouldn't have gotten the same outfit as my best friend if she and I were shopping together either because it's just not what women do.

Most of the time I think I'm doing okay, even fairly good...others not so much. Each day is a big, scary roller coaster ride. But, I'm no longer freaking out over things. That's a lot to do with the meds, and a lot to do with the concessions he's giving me and slowing down for me. And a little to do with me coming to terms with it all and just accepting it as 'just another quirk' of the person I live with. Everybody has their quirks, my husband's just happens to be that he needs to be a bit girly sometimes. I think I can live with that.

[stephaniec]

glad your doing better