What do I think, do, expect, hope for????!?

[AshleyE]

So last night me and the wife had mind blowing sex. Better than before!!!

Now that I have your attention here's a little back story.

Marraige was good. We had hard times and good times but we weren't terribly far from divorce. Then I came out and trans and she pulled the plug. We have 3 kids oldest is 11. We're both 33 married for 5 yrs.

Back to the story at hand. Sex was awesome and we hadn't tried for 5+months cause she said it was wierd and didn't want me to think the marriage was going anywhere. She also doesn't want me to move out cause she needs the money....

So we have sex(great for both). Then she says it was just sex and not to make anything of it. I was still on cloud 9 so she says she wants to do it like every week. "To keep my mood up"...

So I can handle all that even if its screwed up. I know where just trying to figure this thing out.

But now 20min ago she says Tim(the other guy(her ex)) is taking her out to see deadpool. (The movie I have been talking about since it was conceived) then there going to dinner.


So seriously WTF... I have no idea what is actually going on in her head and what to expect and what I should hope for. There are so many details I'm fault ng to mention cause I don't want t to type a book but you get the gist I hope...

I know this is really jumbled but I'm really freaking out cause this is really bothering me. Another detail, I saw a GID therapist, diagnoses = GID and transition. I see my endo for first visit on the 24th. Don't know how far I will transition.

So now your turn. Please suggest how, what, when, why. Should I let go of all hope for a marraige should I feel as crushed as I am that she is going on a date only 5 months after my revelation. (Really I only admitted to myself I was trans not but 5 months ago) AND SHE IS ALREADY ON A DATE. Like are you serious!!!???!? What should I expect for the future. Can I handle this life and if I can't should I move out of our home with our kids or should I stuff these feelings down and live in a house with a wife who is only milking me for occasional sex and financial security.


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[Dena]

There are things missing that I am not sure you know. She could be trying to rekindle an old romance or playing the field with the first name she could think of. It appears she is not fully committed to you but how much she is committed to you we don't know. At this point if you can't get an answer from her, couples consoling would be in order.

You have to remember that there is a very big difference between sex and love. A relationship can stay together on love alone but not on sex. Sex added to love can make a really great relationship.

[AshleyE]

I'm just in that place that I have to let go or hold on to hope. It's killing me trying to let go. She seems convinced that she doesn't want our marriage to continue but then we had now 2 nights ago.... I'm just swimming in so much doubt and confusion.

I think consoling would help but she said she doesn't want the marriage to continue so there no point in consoling.

I tell her to stop kissing me all time and stop telling me she loves me cause I don't want to hope for our relationship. Then she wants to have sex....

Just so confusing...

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[ChasingAlice]

She could be in crisis mode. Dena is totally right. Go see Deadpool!

[KathyLauren]

How does that song go: "Is You Is or Is You Ain't My Baby?"  She needs to decide if she's in or out, and I think you should insist that she decide.  Staying together so that she can have sex and money while playing the field is not a tenable situation.

Seeing a counsellor is a good idea.  If she won't go to couple's counselling, you should go on your own, just to get clarity on the situation and what you need to do.

Bottom line, if she isn't committed to the marriage, the two of you shouldn't be living under the same roof.

[susanlogan1203]

I agree with Kathy.  She is the one making the decisions at the moment and she needs to make it and stick to it.  Its the hardest thing to let go of a significant relationship but one thing I know for sure is that you can't fix it by yourself, she has to be committed to it and by going out on dates with men she's proving to you that she's not.  My gut telling me that you know the answer already.  But believe me when I say that I know where you're at with this.  I left my husband 3 years ago and he still knows how to pull my strings and get me to do things that I don't want to do, largely by using the kids.  Its tough but you'll get there.  My advice honestly is get the hell out before you are even more hurt than you are at the moment.
   

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