College Housing? Help!

[AbeLane]

Hey Folks -

So I e-mailed the college I'm trying to transfer to to ask them about their policy about transgender students. I'm hoping to live on campus so I just wanted to see where they stand.

At first they asked me what I would prefer and I mentioned that I had see they had are apartment style dorms on campus (with single rooms) and bathrooms shared between 4 roommates. But they aren't open to transfer students. Now it seems they dorm they seems to want to put me in is for transfer students and typically older students (I'm 29 by the way). But it's double rooms and shared bathrooms.

The thing is, by then I'll have my legal name and gender marker change. So I'll be dorm-ing with the guys. And while I know that's what most trans guys would want, I'm scared to death of the idea. I'm still too nervous to use the guys restroom in public. I can't imagine using the showers with guys (or girls for that matter) or changing in front of someone else. Though at least it wouldn't be a surprise to my roommate since they have an option for "I'm Transgender" and "I'm open to LGBT people" on the dorm application. But still....

I guess my question is, do you think I can/should try to get put in the apartments? I feel like all the laws and and such protecting transgender people are so that we can room with our chosen gender, not room alone.

Maybe I'm just nuts and should work on being comfortable with the guys...

What would you all do? Would you be okay rooming with your own gender? Any people who have experience you can help me here?

[FTMax]

It depends what you want. I was an RA supervisor in college and grad school, and saw bunches of people opt for single rooms for various reasons. I also saw other people under the same conditions choose to live with roommates. What kind of college experience are you looking for? That's what it really boils down to.

Personally, I would opt for a single room however I could get one. But that's because I like to have privacy and my own space. I would also have no problem sharing with other guys if that was the only option available. But if just the thought makes you uncomfortable, I'm not sure I can encourage you to go that route.

I will say from professional experience that most roommate issues are behavior related and not personal. If they do not want to live with a transguy/a gay guy/a black guy/etc. it is something that will immediately come up when you move in.

Something you could check on is if they have any specific "communities" available. It's becoming popular at a lot of schools to designate floors/buildings to students of a certain major, lifestyle, social interest, etc. My freshman year I lived on a floor dedicated to sustainability. As an RA, I ran 2 floors related to my major and another for LGBTQA students. If they have something like that available, see if you can get in there. It's obviously not a guarantee that things would go well, but it would probably feel more comfortable than going in blind.

[Kylo]

I don't see why you shouldn't room alone if you want, they'd surely understand the situation if you explained it and asked for that.

Personally I couldn't stand shared accommodation and had to have my own room at uni, bar the shared bathrooms. Male or female, sharing space is stressful.

[AbeLane]

As far as the college experience. I really want to be a part of the community, which is why I want to live on campus rather than trying to find a place to commute.

And really, I could see rooming with someone and like FTMax said it would be pretty obvious off the bat if my roommate couldn't take the idea of living with a trans person so as long as they were cool I'd be cool. I guess it's really just the bathrooms that freak me out. Particularly showering. Not that I expect to be strolling around naked or have some guy walk in or something. It's just...scary.

But I guess I have a bit to figure it all out.

[stephaniec]

The college environment is the best social world to experience , Not to sound like an idiot , but this environment would be the best place to be who you really are and just go for it.

[XKimX]

You may be over-thinking this issue.  I lived in college dorms with more than one roommate for 4 years, and never saw anyone else's genitals.  It is not like you are in a gym locker room or something.

[FTMax]

As far as the college experience. I really want to be a part of the community, which is why I want to live on campus rather than trying to find a place to commute.

And really, I could see rooming with someone and like FTMax said it would be pretty obvious off the bat if my roommate couldn't take the idea of living with a trans person so as long as they were cool I'd be cool. I guess it's really just the bathrooms that freak me out. Particularly showering. Not that I expect to be strolling around naked or have some guy walk in or something. It's just...scary.

But I guess I have a bit to figure it all out.

I shared a bathroom with 15 people my freshman year, with 1 person every year after, and 3 people over each summer. Not once did someone see me naked, and not once did I see anyone else naked while in the bathroom or getting to/from the bathroom.

Ask for a tour of the dorms if you're local. It's not like the stereotypical gym locker room. Most have toilet stalls, shower stalls, and a communal sink area. About as private as you can get in a shared environment.

[AbeLane]

Thanks everyone. Yeah. I guess I'm feeling better about the whole bathroom thing. And really I'll have a while to get more comfortable with myself in the mens room. It's just I guess I always haven't had the best experiences with being around people I don't know, so my mind very quickly goes to the worst possible extreme. So thanks for talking me down.

Any of your guys share a room before top surgery? Cuz I know I can't/shouldn't really wear a binder 24/7. Any tips on that?

[FTMax]

I never outright said anything about my gender in college, and was only asked a handful of times how I identified. My roommate freshman year did see me in a binder, since I wore it whenever I was awake. We had a very good conversation about it. But my school and that living situation in particular was super progressive.

My advice would be to bind as long as you can while you're awake (obviously taking into account what all you're doing that day), and get some sports bras for night time wear.

College is a good time for surgery from what I hear I am considering stopping work and going back to school full time during my bottom surgery stages to take advantage of all the breaks.

[Briezy]

You may be over-thinking this issue.  I lived in college dorms with more than one roommate for 4 years, and never saw anyone else's genitals.  It is not like you are in a gym locker room or something.

I was going to say the same thing. Where I went the dorms were broken down into suites and each suite had one shared bathroom for like 20 guys, and of course I shared a room with another guy, and I never saw any of my suite mates naked and they never saw me naked. Now if you pass out drunk they will write mean things in permanent marker on your forehead but not naked. lol...oh I miss college...but I digress.