Hi everyone,
After my post last November, I came to the conclusion that this gender thing is not going away, and that I have to deal with it, figure out what to do next.
There were a few times in the last few weeks where I was about to burst, so I finally decided to call a gender therapist in the area and oh my, was it worth it!
I was so nervous before going in while in the waiting room, my heart was pounding, my stomach was all upset, I hadn't felt this anxious for a very long time...
When she greeted me, within 5 seconds I knew it was going to be a great session. I opened up completely, told her everything I had been feeling, doing, how I dealt with it so far, what my issues are, etc... In a word, it was *liberating*.
She's literally the 1st person I have ever told this secret to, ever. My wife knows something's up, but I don't think she know what being transgender is, or means... And I hope my therapist will help me find a way to break the news to her with as little harm to our relationship as possible.
We talked about my desire to express my gender a bit more, I already have some things that shine through... I occasionally wear nail polish of various types (today it's light pink sparkles, so you can see something's odd with my nails, but won't dare asking
, I own a Pink iPhone, etc... But I'd like to do more... Hopefully, she will help me deal with how I think other people see me when I do these things...
One thing that was the highlight of the session was when we discussed going out while being me... I told her I would have loved to come in the dress I was wearing at home before driving to her office, but there was no way... I'd be too scared... but then she told me "You know, you can come here wearing anything you want, just remember that"
This, that sentence... oh my... I don't know why, but it felt like the real me was crying of joy inside... and begging the current me to do it... maybe I will... Just thinking about it now brings a smile to my face!
Do you guys think I should?
To celebrate this, I went out to my local shopping mall and bought myself a couple of nice outfits and other nail polish shades
This stuff is addictive... And it's funny how nobody gives a damn...
That's all, I just wanted to write about how this 1st session made me feel. I just *cannot* wait for the next one!
Thanks for reading
