Hi everyone,

After my post last November, I came to the conclusion that this gender thing is not going away, and that I have to deal with it, figure out what to do next.
There were a few times in the last few weeks where I was about to burst, so I finally decided to call a gender therapist in the area and oh my, was it worth it!

I was so nervous before going in while in the waiting room, my heart was pounding, my stomach was all upset, I hadn't felt this anxious for a very long time...
When she greeted me, within 5 seconds I knew it was going to be a great session. I opened up completely, told her everything I had been feeling, doing, how I dealt with it so far, what my issues are, etc... In a word, it was *liberating*.

She's literally the 1st person I have ever told this secret to, ever. My wife knows something's up, but I don't think she know what being transgender is, or means... And I hope my therapist will help me find a way to break the news to her with as little harm to our relationship as possible.

We talked about my desire to express my gender a bit more, I already have some things that shine through... I occasionally wear nail polish of various types (today it's light pink sparkles, so you can see something's odd with my nails, but won't dare asking , I own a Pink iPhone, etc... But I'd like to do more... Hopefully, she will help me deal with how I think other people see me when I do these things...

One thing that was the highlight of the session was when we discussed going out while being me... I told her I would have loved to come in the dress I was wearing at home before driving to her office, but there was no way... I'd be too scared... but then she told me "You know, you can come here wearing anything you want, just remember that"

This, that sentence... oh my... I don't know why, but it felt like the real me was crying of joy inside... and begging the current me to do it... maybe I will... Just thinking about it now brings a smile to my face! Do you guys think I should?

To celebrate this, I went out to my local shopping mall and bought myself a couple of nice outfits and other nail polish shades This stuff is addictive... And it's funny how nobody gives a damn...

That's all, I just wanted to write about how this 1st session made me feel. I just *cannot* wait for the next one!

Thanks for reading

Really great you had such a positive first session.

I am glad to see you with a therapist that is working well for you. When people come to a place like Susan's it's because the old way of managing the feelings isn't working any more. It's time for a new approach and it's best to address the issue head on. I hope the next stage of talking with your wife goes well and keep us posted on your status.

Thanks, I will definitely keep you posted on the progress here

lauren that is so wonderful to hear. Congrats. It's true through anytime you go to the therapist you can go dressed as you feel comfortable. It's part of the therapy experience to ensure your comfortable making it as therapeutic as possible. I started full time the day of my first therapy appointment and didn't look back. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

Thanks!
How did that make you feel for that 1st time you went there as yourself?

I think I will try as hard as I can to go do the 2nd appointment as myself, I actually have some orders to pick up today for possible things I would wear next week.

I hope I will find the courage to do it!

First I want to say awsome and congratulations.

Second I was comeing to make almost the same post, I just got bac from mine and ot was and unbelievable experiance, ina very posative manner.

So right now I feel like i am walking on cloud nine. This is the best and most calm i have been in years.

Again congratulations im right there with you!!

Quote from: cgh1523 on February 18, 2016, 02:52:52 PM
So right now I feel like i am walking on cloud nine. This is the best and most calm i have been in years.
Again congratulations im right there with you!!

Congratulations to you too!

About being on a cloud, totally the same feeling here. Just got back from picking up some new things for my wardrobe, and since I work from home, I'm now coding in a nice dress, feels so much better

It was so weird and exciting picking up the online orders from the store, I had nail polish on, and I definitely got a couple of stares from the clerks. One of them even asked me if I wanted to try them on before I left, lol. I said no it's fine. I wonder if she knew what was going on...

Now, the hard part will be figuring out what the heck to wear for that next appointment

I just had my first appointment with a therapist  today as well and feel very similar. It is good to know I am not alone! Good luck on this journey we both got help on today!

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